
One thing about computers is that files don't biodegrade. That lets a guy work on a project off and on over a long time.
Here's some of my stuff.
Over the past several decades, there has been nothing that has been as quintessentially American as our prison industry. Thanks to the War on Drugs, America has taken the global lead in incarceration for economic gain. In this young century, America has even aggressively exported its prison know-how to the world.
And now we've reached an equilibrium in the Drug War, providing a steady stream of raw materials, both for incarceration and mass entertainment. A large enough portion of the population uses illegal drugs at any given time, so Law Enforcement can use that to justify "cracking down" on any segment of the population that suits their fancy. And the stories that result can be recycled into television show plots. The resulting worry among viewer/consumers is used to justify purchases of paramilitary equipment by local police. It's all quite a stable feedback loop.
We're ready to step up and take it to the next level!
Let's outlaw chocolate!
Among other reasons for this move:
Watch this space! I've set up a CafePress store to sell t-shirts and the like. Because just like every other player in the War on Drugs, I'm in this for the money!
Remember, MORE PRISONS = MORE MONEY!!
With any campaign of this sort, you would be right to suspect the motives of the crusader.
So let me present my bona fides in this regard.
I tell people, "I can't keep chocolate in my house, because I can't keep chocolate in my house."
At work, when somebody has chocolates out for people to take, I take all that propriety would deem prudent, and more. This isn't the case with other habit-forming substances and me. For instance, I drink coffee every day, but if I don't have any, I don't actually go steal some. Similarly, I drink alcohol frequently, but if I don't have any, I do without, rather than break into a liquor store.
It's chocolate that does me in, so society must change its ways!
This is the song that wowed everybody.
I was watching a news story on a guy who'd been on a sex offender registry, committed another offense, did time, was released, and had yet further constraints put on his activities.
Sounded to me like his life was down to a list of stuff he couldn't do.
So I wrote a song.
Here's the song. (stream or download)
OR, if you wanna sing it yourself, Here's a MIDI and here are the lyrics:
I can't kiss your mouth
Or be in your house
I can't watch you go to work
I can't feed your cat
I can't look at that
I can't help being a jerk
They won't let me near you
They make me behave
I can't make them fear you
I guess all I can do is haunt you, babe
I can't get even
Or even get close
I can't seem to catch a break
I can't get lucky
Or use one of those
Things that you once threw my way
I can't get over
How you can control
Such a large agency
They make me back off
They make me hurt
I can't get them out of my way
I guess all I can do is haunt you, babe
I'm out of your face
But not out of your life
I'm just not that easy
Maybe my real world
access is cut off
And maybe the telephone
And even a break-off
of internet contact
Can't keep me from out of your dream
I guess all I can do is haunt you, babe
Anyway, the graphic above is from an animation I've been working on, slowly, for the song's video.
Here are a few more shots from that (click thumbnails for large versions):
Talking to the Collective: Center Square
Some of our problems start with bad communication between individual people and larger entities, like companies and workplaces.
There are tons of texts for managers and marketers concerning the handling of people. There are fewer analyses of the situation for the individual.
(Worse, the successful ones become coopted, like Dilbert(tm).)
I'm a big fan of the notion of social contracts, and the ones between the individual and the non-Governmental collective have yet to be written acceptably.
| Definitions | Stuff Companies Can't Say | Stuff Companies Can't Do | CYA | Dealing With Companies | So, this is supposed to be a revelation? |
This whole "Talking to the Collective" thing started in '96 or so as a "ButtonTalk" document. ButtonTalk was a freeware thing for creating multi-page "interactive text" things where each page links to up to 6 other pages. With that, I created an HTML version which would load as one large document, but would have dozens of "pages." (Remember, this is back when people surfed the web with slow modems.)
The "Cre: 990917 Mod: 000420" you may notice on these pages refers to a version control thing I started on 9/17/1999, to indicate whether/when each sub-page had been updated. And now, I've sort of shoehorned this mess into Drupal's "book" system, which is hierarchical. So I'm keeping the cross-linking and adding an arbitrary tree system to it. And maybe I'll put additional -- and hopefully useful -- stuff at the bottom of the old pages, like this text right here.
To expand on the mission statement a bit, this is an attempt to describe ways for individuals to deal with multi-human organisms. (And if you don't think you've ever been part of a multi-person organism, you've never been in a long line when somebody tried to cut in front of it.)
I run into people who seem to have no idea how to deal with these things. They have no notion that what they discussed with one call center worker might not be remembered in its entirety by the next call center worker. And then these people (the individuals) blow up, hang up and -- if they ever get the nerve to try again -- have to go back to Square One.
So yeah, hostility at telemarketers is the easy part, and one I support. But getting a multi-headed beast to do what you WANT is the tricky bit.
No, I'm not fooling myself into thinking this is some great new revelation. It's obvious stuff.
But I haven't seen it written down before. So that's what I'm doing, to see where it leads me.
If this is instructional at all, that's a reflection on how lame and useless mainstream tutorials can be.
| Center Square | About the name ... | "Tough Customer" | Service Relationships | Fighting Back | Definitions |
There are a bunch of different individual/company relationships:
-The Job
-The Market
-Service Relationships
These are different relationships in many ways, but there are also similarities. Remembering the company's structure and priorities can lead to better-informed interactions.
Keep records! Companies keep files on you, so you certainly have the right to keep files on them.
| Center Square | The Job | The Market | Service Relationships | Lest we forget ... school | Advantages Individuals Have Over Corporations |
There are some things any group of people large enough to have its own budget can't do.
Mind you, they CAN and do act in their own self-interest, but a collective being's "self" is different from a person's.
Think about it: How do groups of people make decisions? What priorities are declared? What priorities are created but not voiced aloud?
| Center Square | Admit A Fad Is Over |
This is a bit specific.
A company can't admit a management fad is over, unless some major change in personnel at the top has happened.
So, to cite a famous fictitious example, the only way you know you've stopped fighting Eurasia is when they start the marketing for the battle with Eastasia.
| Center Square | Stuff Companies Can't Do | Problems with estimating readiness |
A company rep can express regret, but a company can't convincingly express sorrow.
| Center Square | Why would a company pose as an individual? | Stop Picking on Adam Sandler! |
The problem with tech support is that they DO deal mostly with incompetents. The average person calling them has a problem that's really dumb, like having the machine unplugged.
The trick is quickly establishing your level of expertise, so they can route your question accordingly. Good service centers can do this, but most don't.
| Who Owns Your System? | Technical Support is Deliberately Obscure | Company Insecurity | Advantages Individuals Have |
Notice how tech support at even allegedly user-friendly places never uses anything as convenient as email?
That's to prevent bothersome people becoming dependent on a specific support person. (Believe me, such people exist.)
But that guarantees that it'll feel like the company has an institutional memory of about zero.
| Defensiveness | Don't forget to keep records. | Following Your Request |
... and I don't mean stuff they don't want you to know (a topic covered by many other people), but stuff that that is never true to say or stuff that they're structurally unable to say.
"... any company -- is just a way, one way, for people to organize themselves to do a job that's too big for one person to do alone. It's not God, it's not even a being, for pity's sake. It doesn't have a free will to answer for. It's just a collection of people, working."
-- Lois McMaster Bujold, "Free Fall"
When a collective entity speaks, the language means things different from when individuals speak. For instance, the pronouns mean different things.
To make matters even trickier, the person attempting to speak for the company often gets it wrong.
| Using the First Person | Encouraging Rulebreaking |
This is sort of the degenerate case of this argument, the reductio ad absurdum, the Adam Sandler argument, if you will ...
A company can't say anything starting with "I am going to" because it's more than one person. If there is some such thing as a corporate will, it is not the same thing as the sum or amalgam of the wills of the individuals within the corporation.
| Why would a company want to pose as an individual? | Hey, Stop Picking on Adam Sandler! | "My" Computer |
I'm glad you asked me that! (ooops!)
Once a company looks like a person, it can attempt to feign peer-to-peer communication.
It tries to lull you into thinking you're meeting on the level.
Also, posing as an individual lets a company pretend to have a will and intentions comprehensible to us people.
| The ol' Q n A | Automatically False Statements | Using the First Person | How Big Music uses this |
Just take my word on this -- either it's a person operating without authority, or the company will find some way to weasel out of responsibility.
So take written note of the incident and move on.
Here's an excerpt from Steve Albini's The Trouble With Music:
There are several reasons A & R scouts are always young. The explanation usually copped-to is that the scout will be "hip to the current musical "scene." A more important reason is that the bands will intuitively trust someone they think is a peer, and who speaks fondly of the same formative rock and roll experiences. The A & R person is the first person to make contact with the band, and as such is the first person to promise them the moon. Who better to promise them the moon than an idealistic young turk who expects to be calling the shots in a few years, and who has had no previous experience with a big record company. Hell, he's as naive as the band he's duping. When he tells them no one will interfere in their creative process, he probably even believes it. When he sits down with the band for the first time, over a plate of angel hair pasta, he can tell them with all sincerity that when they sign with company X, they're really signing with him and he's on their side. Remember that great gig I saw you at in '85? Didn't we have a blast. By now all rock bands are wise enough to be suspicious of music industry scum. There is a pervasive caricature in popular culture of a portly, middle aged ex-hipster talking a mile-a-minute, using outdated jargon and calling everybody "baby." After meeting "their" A & R guy, the band will say to themselves and everyone else, "He's not like a record company guy at all! He's like one of us." And they will be right. That's one of the reasons he was hired.
These A & R guys are not allowed to write contracts. What they do is present the band with a letter of intent, or "deal memo," which loosely states some terms, and affirms that the band will sign with the label once a contract has been agreed on. The spookiest thing about this harmless sounding little memo, is that it is, for all legal purposes, a binding document. That is, once the band signs it, they are under obligation to conclude a deal with the label. If the label presents them with a contract that the band don't want to sign, all the label has to do is wait. There are a hundred other bands willing to sign the exact same contract, so the label is in a position of strength. These letters never have any terms of expiration, so the band remain bound by the deal memo until a contract is signed, no matter how long that takes. The band cannot sign to another laborer or even put out its own material unless they are released from their agreement, which never happens. Make no mistake about it: once a band has signed a letter of intent, they will either eventually sign a contract that suits the label or they will be destroyed.
One of my favorite bands was held hostage for the better part of two years by a slick young "He's not like a label guy at all," A & R rep, on the basis of such a deal memo. He had failed to come through on any of his promises [something he did with similar effect to another well-known band], and so the band wanted out. Another label expressed interest, but when the A & R man was asked to release the band, he said he would need money or points, or possibly both, before he would consider it. The new label was afraid the price would be too dear, and they said no thanks. On the cusp of making their signature album, an excellent band, humiliated, broke up from the stress and the many months of inactivity.
| Stuff companies can't say. | Seller as Predator | Outlaw Chic | Sanctioned Backtalk | Things that are automatically false, when said by a company. |
If there were any justice in the world, the amount of chic one drew from being an outlaw would be proportional to the amount of dues one has had to pay for being excluded.
| Freedom | Outlaws | Words We Shouldn't Let Companies Use |
Outlaws are people who are excluded by the law. (Am I a fucking genius, or what?)
Exclusions are of various levels and reasons and from various venues. From an eatery for not wearing a tie, from a job for being the wrong height, from freedom for not following laws ...
Some choose to be outlaws and some don't.
| Tough Customer | Encouraging Rulebreaking | Nonspecific Angst |
-- D. DiMuro
In the workplace, managers will put up with anything posted on a wall, as long as it's published.
Sometimes Dilbert and other cartoons nearly come right out and say managers kill people and have no redeeming value, but since the comics are cut from commercial newspapers, it doesn't seem to be about anything local.
(Similarly, painfully lame bits of propaganda from other parts of the organization are tolerated.)
But if something that looks home-made is put up, and it isn't selling anything, some management folk get very paranoid indeed.
What really gets them is when they realize that something they thought was official is really done by some employee.
| Dilbert Fans in Management | On the innate defensiveness of the corporate person | The Form |
Q: What's a popular method to feign being an individual?
A: You're soaking in it!
Q: Huh?
A: The Question and Answer format. It pretends to be a two person conversation.
Q: Wow, that's really perceptive! Are the people who use this all evil?
A: Not necessarily. When assembling documentation, it's not easy explaining things. This is an out for the lazy writer.
| Why would a company pose as an individual? | "I just work here." |
Remember, with first-person pronouns, it's important to consider who's talking.
Bill Gates?
If so, that "My Computer" label on the icon means he's laying claim to your desktop.
If it were YOU talking, you'd call it "You."
Or, because you're treating the computer as another entity, the icon's label should be "Your Computer" or "Me."
| Why would a company pose as an individual? | Service Relationships |
It used to be a notoriously MS-DOS attitude, that the software vendor would write intrusive (and often stupid) install routines to mess with the CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT files of customer computers.
Mac software was usually more respectful --it asked first, and it explained what it was going to attempt.
This wasn't always true, but it seemed to be that way, a basic cultural difference.
| Nonspecific Angst | Seller as Predator |
Now, a decade into the new millennium, Apple is happily getting on board with that attitude, with its new devices and its App Store.
cool (or whatever means "cool" these days)
gnarly
diss
dude
attitude (in the slang sense)
| Outlaw Chic | Stuff Companies Can't Say |
Most place of employment have written policies about how to deal with you. How about vice-versa?
Okay, there's the benefits package, but what about day-to-day?
Is the company always straight with you when it comes to reporting its own health?
Does your boss accurately pass to you what senior management says? How about vice-versa? It's generally up to your boss' discretion to decide how much information gets through.
| "I just work here." | That Dilbert Feeling | The Personnel Department |
It's an understandable attitude for entry-level, minimum-wage people, but what about when it's your boss or the tech support dude for your favorite iron lung?
Is a slacker attitude all that welcome when it's coming from people who control your life?
Plus, there's the paranoid notion that the person is using a slacker attitude to cover a real intention ...
| The Job | Defensiveness | Why would a company pose as individual? |
Back in the late 1950s, they had crop problems in China. But each local manager's goal was to have some surplus. So each of them reported success, despite the realities. Then the Chinese Government told them to send in their surplus, for some noble-sounding program or other. That meant the grain-growing areas had nothing to feed themselves. The death toll from this was about 30 million.
| Problems with estimating readiness | "I just work here." | Interpersonal Transmission Delays | The Form |
If there's one bit of information I want you to take with you, it's this:
The personnel department isn't just filled with "people" people --it's filled with "'people' people" people.
It's a department, and it has its own budget, so that means it's out for its own survival. It competes with your department for company resources, and it's in a position to stack the deck.
It makes policies designed to favor "people" people.
| Always keep records on your dealings with these people! | Nonspecific Angst | Definitions |
"Hosts, even the grandest, are nervous creatures and interpret curiosity as evidence of dissatisfaction." --Stephen Fry
Every member of a collective entity -- or at least every human member -- gets defensive when queried about areas under her responsibility.
| Support is Deliberately Obscure | Company Insecurity | Fighting Back | Publish or Vanish |
In every type of interaction with people, company representatives seem to expect mild fear and awe on the part of the people.
What complicates this is that the company reps are also under this onus --they have to behave impressed or scared, too.
| Company Insecurity | Seller as Predator | The Personnel Department | Who Owns Your System? | Interpersonal Transmission Delays |
When you ask a person if they can do a task, they might well admit that their computer is down or their car won't start.
But companies seem to base their decisions and communications on what they could do if all their stuff worked. This is due to the cumulative effect of subordinates being dishonest with their bosses.
| This killed millions in China. | Nonspecific Angst | Interpersonal Transmission Delays | And they don't like to release any useful data ... |
When you need something from a company, it often involves asking Person A who relays the request to Person N whose job it is to point to Person H, who delegates it to Person R.
Overall, this can take from ten minutes to a work week to get done, assuming nobody's out on vacation.
Person R does the job and word of it is transmitted back to you.
(I'm being purposefully vague about that last bit for a reason.)
| Stuff Companies Can't Do | Problems with estimating readiness | An Extreme Case | The Form |
Corporate entities also reflect the combined insecurities of their individual members. Internal communication slows down measurably when the people passing the message are uncertain of the repercussions or what policy on this subject is or who exactly is responsible for what.
So when what you're asking them to do breaks new ground, things can slow down to slower than a crawl.
This is good to remember when it's going to be down to a case of who told who about what, when.
| Keep Records -- It Makes People Nervous! | Fighting Back | Defensiveness | Nonspecific Angst | Individuals have it good, in some ways ... |
"Dilbert" reflects the cubicle worker's update to the military's N.C.O. attitude that "we" are the ones who truly understand the job, and the management/officers are fools.
The notion is that to get the job done, we have to become an outlaw from management and the rest of the company. Conversely, they become outcasts as far as we're concerned.
| The Job | Outlaws | Dilbert Fans in Management |
But how do you cope when your own bosses already have that attitude? If you take an issue up with outsiders, it looks like treason, even when the outsiders are the ones who are supposed to deal with the issue.
| The Job | That Dilbert Feeling | Don't believe it when a company encourages you to break rules. | Nonspecific Angst |
For every law or regulation out there, there's some bozo who has hooked his fate on it. So it's in this fellow's interest to see the rule enforced.
Sometimes it's useful to know this person's interest in this, because sometimes pressure can be applied here.
Sometimes a rule can be invoked that forces them to let you follow your request (what you want out of them) through the system rather than sit and wait for a result.
| Fighting Back | Sometimes You Just Gotta Be a Bastard | Every School Can Be A Pool | Following a request through the works |
Y'know, the place stuff gets bought and sold.
Some people say it's everywhere.
Doesn't that cheer you up immeasurably?
"Show me a man who says he can live without bread, and I'll show you a man who's a liar and in debt." --Ray Davies
Is there any remote corner of your life that isn't touched by money? Why haven't you sold it? Integrity ... or just a lack of buyers?
| The Moment of Purchase | Seller as Predator | Advantages for Individuals |
By the mythology of the Market, this is meant to be the ultimate thrill of human existence, the orgasm in the person/Market interface. After a bit of stroking, some liquid assets get spurted from one to the other so that the Market can give birth to some product.
Sure, usually the product exists prior to the transaction, but the Market likes to press the sexual analogy. In response, I would venture to say that we then have the right to deal with invitations to transact in the same way we deal with sexual advances.
| Companies and the First Person | Tough Customer | Seller as Predator |
What an odd figure of speech. I guess a person who is in the market for pants and whose legs are different lengths is a tough customer.
But if a company is meeting your needs -- I mean, if you got your expected burger and beverage with a minimum of agony, there's no need for gratuitous fuss.
Pick your battles with care, since there's a finite number of battles you can attend.
That said, a company's people can get really upset if they can't meet a person's stated needs, if doing so is what they're supposed to do.
| But How to Affect Company? | Companies Can't Apologize | Outlaws | Give 'em a form of your own |
The most basic appeals in marketing is the claim that the product can give you greater freedom.
Y'know, "Make your own road" (which really should be for bulldozers and asphalt layers) and stuff like that.
Ads try to tell us that freedom is for the exceptional --and you're exceptional. May I remind you that freedom is for everybody?
| Tough Customer | Outlaw Chic | Don't believe it when a company encourages you to break rules! |
At what point did potential customers become prey? Look at any news story about phone companies stealing each other's customers and you'll see a predator/prey relationship with the consumer is assumed as normal for a company.
Retaliation for such impudence on the part of the market is each person's responsibility. Familiarize yourself with the countermeasures available to you when the big guys step over the line.
| The attitude they seem to want from you. | Sometimes You Just Gotta Be a Bastard | Fighting Back |
Remember in the movie The Road Warrior, how the bad guys strapped hostages onto the front of one of their battle vehicles, so when it ran into something, the hostages were the ones getting squished?
That's the position a company puts individual telemarketers in. The assumption is that by putting a human in front, people on the other end will be forced to be polite.
That's a fallacy. We have no obligation to be nice to telemarketers. They've blown it by abusing us, and they'll never get it back.
| But how do you affect a company, and not just a flunky? | Stuff we don't owe to companies. | The Seller as Predator |
This is generally the first corporate entity a person has to deal with. If you're there now, get used to it. Like we say on the job, if you like school, you'll lo-o-o-ove work!
Of course, it's the relationship where the controlling collective entity really has a lot of control. It's probably not until you get into a nursing home that so many people seem to share in running your life so intrusively.
But it's also a place to practice learning how companies work. Learn your faculty's table of organization and observe how they interact.
No matter your intentions for later life, whether you intend to conform or not, it's a good idea to observe who answers to whom in the school organization. And look at how intimidated they have your parents!
| Nonspecific Angst | Defensiveness | Fighting Back | Every Rule Can Be A Tool | Keep Records! |
There are things that individuals owe to other individuals within their relationships that individuals don't owe to companies.
For instance, while it's a betrayal of a friendship or family relation to rat out a person for some minor infraction, a company can't expect this sort of slack. After all, they don't give slack, so they haven't earned slack.
| Advantages Individuals Have Over Companies | The Telemarketer Case |
Be aware of what commercial entities aren't allowed to do. F'rinstance, by law, they can't send you unsolicited junk faxes.
Have handy phone numbers and email addresses of people who fight this kind of stuff all the time.
If you make it convenient enough for yourself ahead of time, like making yourself a form that you can quickly fill out to complain about spam, you can lower the threshold of what puts you in action. Also, you should make record keeping easy for yourself.
| Sometimes You Just Gotta Be a Bastard | Keep Records! | Every Rule Can Be A Tool | Advantages for Individuals | Company Insecurity | But how do you affect a company instead of just a flunky? |
Parallax-- okay, it might seem an odd point, considering a collective entity has more than one set of eyes.
But one person's experience of a company from several different angles is more likely to notice things since there are no interpersonal transmission delays involved.
Flexibility-- In some relationships, you can take as much or as little of your time in dealing with the company as you wish. You can take extensive notes when warranted, or forget about them altogether.
| The Job | Dealing With Companies | Fighting Back | Following a Request Through a Company | What People DON'T Owe to Companies |
The Web is a good place to seek out fellow-minded people and share data. There are users groups and victim support groups and groups mobilizing action.
| Fighting Back | Every Rule Can Be A Tool | Fill this out, in triplicate ... |
Keep track of your dealings with companies. For instance, don't delete any email --you never know when you'll need it as evidence.
Also, if you know you habitually save stuff, then you can know when a company rep tries to bluff you by saying she's sure she sent you that memo last Arbor Day ...
"All right, IBM! You know what? This is going on your permanent record!!"
| Following your request | Bear Witness | Company Insecurity | The Personnel Department |
If you're asking a company to do something, if you can get pointed to the next person down the chain at any point, there are some good reasons to do so.
| Service Relationships | Advantages for Individuals | Keep Records! | The Form |
The form is one of the preferred means of communication within companies and between companies and outsiders.
It's standardized, small in size and it looks published. It implies you're dealing with a recognized commercial entity or Government agency. It's not the customer, but an avatar of a customer request.
It also forces a company to stop trying to pretend it's an individual -- your buddy -- at least for the duration of the request.
| On the innate defensiveness of the corporate person | Sanctioned Backtalk | Why would a company pretend it was an individual? | So why not make your own? |
Hmmm ...
What follows is pure theory, and very dangerous to test.
Would a company respond better to a form you cooked up yourself?
After all, if you make it glossy enough ...
|
To:_____________________________________ Date:___/___/______ Rec'd:___/___/______ By:_________________________ Initials:______ Comments: |
from the office ofHarold Snardlough-- a Very Important Person Who wants you to do something. |
||||||
|
Request: __________________________________________ Due Date: ___/___/______ Contact:_______________________________ Phone:(____)____-______ Fax:(____)____-______ Email:___________________ |
|||||||
|
Verification 1: Date: __/__/__ Required:________________________________ Notes:___________________ Checked: [] Initials:_____ |
||||||
|
Verification 2: Date: __/__/__ Required:________________________________ Notes:___________________ Checked: [] Initials:_____ |
|||||||
|
Verification 3: Date: __/__/__ Required:________________________________ Notes:___________________ Checked: [] Initials:_____ |
|||||||
|
Details of request: |
|||||||
|
Signatures: |
Return to in-box until all verifications are complete. | ||||||
|
/ Really \ --- Spiffy --- \Graphic/ |
|||||||
As I said, this has never been tested, so please don't sue me.
The theory behind the verification slots is that it might get the document re-examined a few times, to verify if your request is getting done. It's an attempt to combine the seductive power of a form with following the request in person.
For instance, when some sales rep is trying to tell you that her whole company will be your buddy for life ...
Doesn't it really send a chill down your spine when you suddenly realize that this person who is taking great interest in whatever nonsense you've felt comfortable to babble is doing it to make a sale?
| When a company encourages rulebreaking | The Moment of Purchase | Do-It-Yourself Forms |
Hey, he had it coming.
| jj, you're a big meanie! | "My" Computer | School |
That's the 57.3 Euro question!
Perhaps one solution is to set the flunky off, making a change you want in the company? (This is just theory.)
Perhaps one can reverse-engineer some of these principles?
| Nonspecific Angst | Company pretends to be an individual ... | Advantages Individuals Have | Following a Request | Telemarketers |
So what do I mean by "collective," "company" and the other terms I'm throwing about?
Well, I'm basing my thoughts on how groups of people behave. For instance, once a group of people is organized enough to have their own budget, things change. One automatic agenda item is the survival of the group.
So when I say "company," it can mean a business or a charity or a Government Agency or a school or a battalion or an opera company ...
| Center Square | Outlaws | Every Rule Can Be A Tool | The Personnel Department |
About the name ... If you see this page and say, "Hey, I titled something of mine, 'Conversations With Technocracy'," yeah, I went to high school with you.
And it's been a quarter century and I haven't seen anything from you in the real world.
| You Bastard! | Stop Picking on Adam Sandler! |
Talking to the Collective
by just john
Original version, started in 1997 or so, and finished in 2000.
Recent changes/additions:
| Title | Modified | Created |
| Don't Believe It When a Company Encourages You to Break Rules | 000810 | 990917 |
| Center Square | 000420 | 990917 |
| What people don't owe to companies. | 000312 | 000312 |
| Telemarketers | 000312 | 000219 |
| Stuff Companies Can't Say | 000219 | 990917 |
Original version created with Portions (c) 1996, Stephen Linhart
Date: 8/11/2000
| Center Square | Dilbert fans in management | You never see managers admitting a fad is over ... | My Mission Here | Freedom |
This is a bit of music and Bryce animation I've been working on for quite a while.
It's my first video!
And Youtube:
Here are some of the individual elements of this:
Large graphics -- click on thumbnail to display.
|
|
hmzb4 |
|
jj_hmz_1 |
|
jj_hmz_2 |
|
|
jj_hmz_3 |
|
jj_hmz_4 |
|
jj_hmz_5 |
Original announcement:
BIOU13's joke about being canonized and who has the keys to the cannon reminded me.
A few years back, I had an idea for a project. You see all those cannons we have in monuments and in front of libraries and such? What are they protecting us from?
So a friend and I spent a few days in and around Poughkeepsie, photographing ceremonial cannons, and then getting behind each cannon, sighting down the barrel and photographing THAT, which shows us what the cannon is aimed at.
We found that Poughkeepsie cannons were protecting us from northbound traffic on Route 9, from Clinton Avenue traffic and especially one scrawny tree next to a bar. Two cannons, a few hundred feet apart, had that tree in their sights.
Unfortunately, my friend became insane and butthurt and generally estranged from the world before I could get the photos from his camera, so as far as pics go, I'm back to square zero.
But perhaps now, years later when everybody has cameras in their phones, you guys could just remember this project when in your journeys, and start accumulating more pictures.
Remember: What I want is at least one photo of each cannon (or gun, for you howitzer fans), at least one photo of the view down its sights, and a note of where it is in the world. (Google map coords would be sweet.) Additional photos and commentary are welcome.
0/22/2012 - Confederate Park - Fort Mill, SC.
This memorial park in Fort Mill, once home to Jim & Tammy Fae's christian
horror park, contains two cannons in addition to the only memorial in the
country to slaves who fought on the side of the Confederacy.
Google: Confederate Park, Fort Mill SC
One of the cannons:

..and what it's pointing at. That car had better watch out!

The other cannon:

It's going to destroy that evil red caboose!

This report is from:
Dr. Dark reports:
Well, thisee hyar 1 pic had oughta meet ALL yer requirements. It shows both the cannons on the right & sighting down one of them on the left, the latter appearing to defend AmeiKKKa from a pile of sand, prolly trudged ovar from the Middle East by all them thar terrorists invading our homeland terror-tory, or so say our Tories, the Repugnantkins. What's apropos about this in that context is that it was taken inside Fort McHenry on Veterans Day whilst on a trip to the 2007 Devival in Bawlmore. I'm confident that it will make a worthy addition to your collection.

That's one cement plant that's not going to plan any mischief!

Back in the 1980s, I got an Emax keyboard, and one patch was of voices -- for instance, a demo sequence was the Stones' You Can't Always Get What You Want.
Also, the Emax had a great arpeggiator. So, I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be a great chance to make something sounding like Philip Glass?"
And since then, I've done some graphics for it.
And, if you love those, you can spend money on it!
Finally, here are some things I did some masking with Bryce and then Photoshopped. Click to see full-sized version.






![]() |
This is a weird little thing I started writing in HyperCard over a decade ago. It began as "Toon Master," since it was to support running a session of the Toon rpg. Its central engine was a scheduler (with a one-second resolution) that could make table rolls, play sounds and talk. I removed the Toon-specific stuff and imported it into Runtime Revolution, which claims to be a cross-platform development package. But currently, I can only build for Mac operating systems due to the "student" license I have for RR. |
The Runtime Revolution project -- 633 kb
The "FAT" runtime version, for Mac OS 8/9 -- 1557 kb
The Mac OSX runtime version -- 1860 kb
No warranties or such are made regarding this thing; proceed at your own risk.
----- As revealed to Argus, Neurovore, Captain Button, just john, myles, Derek Roguelight, Dred, Jordan H. Orzoff, Drizzt, Patrick Sweeney, Nicki Jett, Moriah and The Druid, September 1991.
In the beginning was the word ... the word "in," as a matter of fact.
In mortal terms, it's inconceivable.
Nothing. Plenty of nothing, with no place to go. Or maybe it's everything. Regardless, there's no time, no space.
But the nothingness (or everythingness) bends a little and by that bend, space begins. By that beginning time starts. From that start...
"LET THERE BE LIGHT!"
And there was.
The light thought "Who said that?"
But then the light remembered it was non-sentient and stopped its uppity ponderings. It shone forth, but not ON anything.
At least the universe had lightened up a bit.
And somebody quipped back
"That's pretty biblical, buddy, and there's still more of the dark."
... and as the light shone forth from the darkness, the disembodied yet-not-disembodied voice of eternity happened to glance down at the immanent waters, and recognize its own reflection. "Man, I really look like S*** to eternity."
The Creator of the Universe yawned. "Don't bug me; I'm resting."
And that did it. The cosmic fly of identity had landed on the serene, mindless nose of eternity, and he stirred. Now, there were two of eternity, the one in the water, and the one out of the water. Pretty soon, the one in the water got out, looked at the two of them there reflected in the waters, and after an even briefer pause (being wet was losing its novelty), two more got out of the water, then eight, then sixteen. Occasionally, some would wander off, or just spend their time looking around at each other. But mostly, especially after the multiverse started getting crowded, and people couldn't easily push their way through the crowd away from the immanent waters.
And the clones were kind of like copies of copies on a bad copier. They were pretty useless. But the guy who'd started it all looked around, and sighed.
(As a result of this manic bifurcation, in later aeons, the work week would be 2 to the twelfth power days long.)
.. and back in our creation epic, nobody had gotten around to inventing the concept of names.
And the sky split in two, and a dark figure appeared, propelled by a godly hiking boot. And as he fell from the heavens he saw the people of this world, and he saw that they were redundant. So he stopped his fall and proclaimed: "I am AGAR AGAR!! Lord of plague, pestilence, disease, dentistry and redundancy, you are my chosen people!!! You are the people who I will chose to visit with plague and dentistry, since I am the god of those, and redundancy as well." And he created thousands of worlds each exactly like the first.
The people bowed down, for AGAR AGAR had a name which rhymed -- it also had a beat you could dance to, albeit briefly.
They split into two lines, tenors facing basses and began to rejoice in a kinda Frankie Avalon beach party sorta way.
(Roughly to the tune of "My Boyfriend's Back":)
Tenors: O, he's the Lord of plague! pestilence! disease! redundancy!
Basses: AGAR AGAR!
Tenors: And something called "Dentistry" We can hardly wait 'n see.
Basses: AGAR AGAR!
And when the crate of lobsters fell from the sky, things got... somewhat better...
But there was still no beer or surf or scantily clad hot babes (or even the concept thereof) so the people secretly were ashamed at their silliness.
Suddenly a thunderclap sounded.
And, floating in the airless void, was the Great Pterodactyl.
"Braaaacckkk," said the Pterodactyl, looking around. "How boring. And I need a place to land."
So, with another thunderclap, the Great Pterodactyl created a world, floating next to it in the void.
"Brraaaackkk," said the Pterodactyl. "Much better."
The bifurcated-eternity-fly-things by the water saw the world the Great Pterodactyl had made.
One b.e.f.t. turned to another and said "Hey, maybe we should go over there!"
The other responded, "You go first. Me, I'm pterofied!"
The world floated next to the Great Pterodactyl, all new and bright. Bright because of the Light, which was still everywhere. It had plenty of landing space, both land and water.
At this point, the light was shining forth upon:
And because the existence of a predator (the Great Pterodactyl) required the existence of prey, the planet (the Great Pterodactyl's World) was suddenly occupied by small, furry creatures (from Alpha Centauri -- no, wrong story). And the creatures looked at the Great Pterodactyl and proclaimed, "RUN AWAY!" And did so.
The world had furry things scrambling all over it. The Great Pterodactyl noticed them as he landed on a mountaintop.
The mountain where the Great Pterodactyl landed was henceforth called "G.P.'s Hideaway." Legend had it that it was a primo place to fall off of.
They scrambled into the water and drowned. They scrambled into the forests, where trees fell on them. They scrambled into the mountains, where rockslides hit them. They scrambled off cliffs.
"Brack," said the Great Pterodactyl, munching on a few of the non-dead furry things. "I will call you ... lemmings."
"OK," the lemmings replied, as they scrambled into a nearby bottomless cavern.
But one night, the (self-proclaimed) mother of all lemmings snuck off, stood on a mountain top, and wished heartily that there was, in all heavens, a hero to champion her people against the terrible predations of the (by her way of thinking) rapacious and evil Ptero.
Suddenly, there was a rustle of wings, and something unseen came to earth. It was the Crow. But he appeared as a glorious, handsome lemming, with strait brown fur, sharp incisors, and a wild and crazy look about the eyes.
"Eaie! I feel good! Du-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh, I knew that I would, now!" was the sacred formula chanted by Crow-as-lemming (which later became the battle-cry of all lemmings).
And so, the mother of lemmings conceived the Great Hero Lemming named Ludvig, a Demi-god who fought the Ptero with all of the fierceness and cunning of a lemming. In time, the Great Hero Ludvig was to learn many secrets from a crippled old man who was really the Lord of Incompetence, and lead his people over all manner of dangerous precipices (none of them ever seemed to fare too well because of this, though.)
But it could have been worse, since neither Death nor Grievous Bodily Harm had shown up in this universe yet. So the lemmings just bounced a lot and many developed a taste for that sort of thing. To commemorate their leader Ludvig, they built a great graven image of him and, naturally, pushed it off a nearby cliff.
But one day, one of the shiftless copies, drifting through eternity, lit on one of AGAR AGAR's worlds. This was the celestial Crow.
Crow said: "I am the lord of strife, I am the cleverest crow in the universe. I am the trickster god. CAW!"
Until now, all the people on all of AGAR AGAR's planets had been exactly the same, all unable to break from the mold that AGAR AGAR had made. There was no free will. Only determinism.
But Crow went among the people, and spoke with them. All of them said the same thing. "I'm sick, but my teeth are clean." You can imagine how idiotic this got to seem to poor old trickster, after a few eons of undercover work. He got so tired of hearing it that he decided it was his duty to do something about it.
Thus (it is said) from then onward, Crow was of good health but dispensed with teeth entirely. But the plague of dentistry had not let Crow alone (so it is continued) for Crow still carries a large bill.
Quickly, (before anygod else could beat him to it,) the crow took off like a rocket through the heavens, named all of AGAR AGAR's planets, informed the people, and gave each thereon a name in turn.
Crow god flew high to the heavens. He flew through the vastness of space. Soon, in one crowded corner of the galaxy, he found the creator, sitting, looking cramped and irritated, and generally distracted. So very cleverly, Crow tricked the godlings, one by one, to leave the vicinity of the creator, until he became momentarily quiescent. And as the creator meditated, Crow snuck up, plucked a bit of earwax from eternity's ear, and made off with it safely. This he carried back to one of AGAR AGAR's worlds, (to this day, he's not sure if it was the same one,) and said unto the people "Behold, I bring you the gift of chaos. I bring you free-will, nonlinear mathematics, and quantum indeterminacy."
The people were amazed and reverent, tho some dared to speak up and say "That's all very nice, but where's that pizza we ordered?"
And Crow flew over the world, and let crumbs of the earwax fall everywhere. People started to have their own ideas, and in a flash, chaos had spread across the universe.
The Creator said, "Hey, where'd my earwax go? Oh, never mind. I'm resting."
Of course, eternity had been bifurcating for a while now (oh, excuse me... pardon me...), and as they split and split and split, the immanent waters were getting kinda muddy, the way you always imagined a public swimming pool that wasn't filtered or chlorinated for a whole summer would get. So pretty quick, the water wouldn't hold a reflection.
The last copy to be made, then was a sorry, smeared, botched piece of work indeed. He got up, looked around, saw that most everybody was off looking at Ptero's world or something.
He proclaimed "I am incompetence! I am ineptitude and insignificance incarnate! I think the waters getting muddy and my existence have something to do with the recent spread of chaos into the universe. I am the patron of whiners and the petty! I am master of unluck and the jinxed! Dread my coming, for I may not leave soon!"
And Incompetence cleared his throat noisily, spat on his own foot, and went shambling off to look for a job.
And nobody in particular listed what existed:
And from them rose a being quite separate from eternity, being the result not of eternity but of the waters. It appeared as a man and a guitar, but the guitar was as much a part of the being as was the man.
And the man, Muddy Waters, travelled the universe, singing, a style of music that owed fealty to the waters and not to eternity. Thus did Muddy Waters, lord of the blues, come into the universe.
And some other lemmings looked even further up, to AGAR AGAR's worlds full of people with good teeth and sighed: "Wow! Those'd be such gnarly places to fall from! We could almost fall forever! And such weird music coming from them!"
So some tried to imagine Ways to get to those worlds..
And, in an effort to resist the Depredations of the Great Pterodactyl, the Lemmings had developed Multiplication. And a few Malcontents among protested this new Technique, saying "We cannot use Multiplication until we have agreed whether the Number of Befts is 4096 or 2 to the 16th Power." And they climbed G.P.'s Hideaway and would not come down despite all the Pleas of the other Lemmings. But the vast Majority of the Lemmings ignored those few Malcontents and proceeded to apply the Technique of Multiplication to the Problem of reaching the Worlds of AGAR AGAR. And they eventually decided to continue to multiply until they had formed a great Pile upon which they could climb to the Worlds of AGAR AGAR.
And so it came to pass that the Great Pterodactyl's World came to have piles even before some god(ling) thought of it as another way to harass the weak.
And AGAR AGAR returned from distributing dental hygienists bearing small pox among his worlds, and saw the great changes that had taken place on a few of his worlds and he quoth. " You are too small minded my people, your thoughts are too limited. Acknowledge my reign of redundancy and plague, because I am the lord of both. And remember that the number of Befts is both 4096 and 2 to the 16th power, and 4 to the 6th, and......" and the people of the world lost the rest of the sentence, because AGAR AGAR was creating thousands of worlds exactly like each of the worlds that differed from the rest of his worlds. And then he noticed that there were other gods that had been causing these changes, so he performed two mighty works. First, he sent 2^12 locust dentists to each of these new gods, and then he duplicated himself, forming new and identical copies of AGAR AGAR. They then dispatched a copy of AGAR AGAR to each of the new gods, to watch over them, and ensure that their actions were redundant, pestilential, and in keeping with good dental hygiene.
And each of the new gods found upon their own copy of AGAR AGAR instructions and a list.
And the instructions said unto them, in part:
"Put your name at the bottom of this list. Make five more copies of AGAR AGAR and send them to five friends...."
CAW! Said Crow, seeing the locusts. Lunch!
The Great Pterodactyl returned from his latest battle with the lemming demi-god Ludvig, in which Ludvig had been hurled into another of those pesky bottomless pits, to find a pile of lemmings on his mountain.
"Brack," G.P. said. "You want to visit other worlds, eh?"
So the Great Pterodactyl proceeded to teach his worshipers of the sacred lever. Flying off, he picked up a huge log, balanced it on his mountaintop and bade the lemmings to gather on one end.
Then the Pterodactyl dropped a boulder on the other end, hurling the lemmings across the galaxy, where they would surely find new and amazing things to fall off of.
His mountaintop cleared, the Great Pterodactyl began to build a huge nest.
"Brack," the Pterodactyl said.
And nobody thought to ask "Hey, why didn't ol' G.P. just carry those guys up there?"
And it came to pass that upon a few of the peopled worlds of AGAR AGAR which the lemmings' trajectory interjected, the lemmings landed amongst the beach parties, yea, they augured into the swamps, the steppes, even the mock-Mediterranean courtyards adjoining the trailer courts. (And due to a typo -- 'interjected' for 'intersected' -- The lemmings were all shouting things like "Hey!" and "Yikes!" and "Golly!" as they hit the worlds of AGAR AGAR.)
And while the people weren't exactly ecstatic at this furry incursion from the sky, they did begin to sing: "It's lemmings, they're pouring / The Great Pterodactyl's roaring!"
However, two lemmings, who were followers of Incompetence to such a extreme degree that despite long attempts to fall from great heights they were totally unscathed, hid themselves among the Great Pterodactyl's tail scales and hoped the Great One would fly somewhere interesting and life threatening.
And, lo! The Lot of the Lemmings had not been improved one Whit by their Explorations. And so those who has survived the Journey began to multiply further, against such Time as they should be able to continue their Journey.
Stalking among the worlds of AGAR, coalescing in the footsteps and works of the mighty AGAR AGAR, came Goron, Prince of prolonged suffering, and grievous bodily harm. Wicked and whimsical was he, god of acne and psoriasis, inventor of poison ivy, broken bones, hunger, insomnia, migraines, sciatica, humidity, PMS, lacerations, burns, torn ligaments, pulled muscles, ingrown toenails, planter's warts, and bruises (among other things), and patron of torturers and bullies. (Although not of the specific subset of torturers devoted to the mouth and teeth; these remained the province of AGAR.)
And the people, who still lacked gender, wondered "How best to make use of this new boon of PMS?" (Those who have never seen Health tend to hold a somewhat different view of ailments than You or I.)
On the Great Pterodactyl's World, the cries of "Wheeeeeeee!" as the lemmings dove began to become interspersed with variations, like "Wheeeee - ouch! Ugh! Argh! Oof!" as they caromed off the slopes and pit walls.
Of course, they all survived. Soon, in order to differentiate their flattened, bloody selves from pizza, many donned t-shirts saying "Not a Pizza!" These became more popular than even the perennial favorite which began with "I hate ..." and went on to list the names of the first 256 days of the week.
Many refused to worship Goron, so they continued to go "Wheeeeeeee!"
The Crow, never one to take offense (in fact, he liked people who speak up like that) went to the pizza-objector, and pronounced on him these solemn words: "Thela Hun Ginjeet, Thela Hun Ginjeet. Thela Hun Ginjeet, Thela Hun Ginjeet; Pizza remains, deep in the jungle, pizza remains, deep in the jungle streeeeeam!"
Some began to wonder if Crow had begun to fall further under the influence of AGAR AGAR, such was the redundancy.
Thenceforth, that man, and all first-born males directly descended from him, harbored the miraculous ability such that, whenever in need of sustenance, pizza would suddenly, spontaneously generate in above them in the sky and come raining down on them.
That was on the Crow-named AGAR AGAR planet of Solon, which was in a later epoch to be briefly known as "Pizzeria," when one of the descendants of Hubert (the father of all pizzamanna prophets), was captured by evil and tyrannical forces who starved the Hubert's poor descendants, thus forcing a reign of pizza and (consequently, as it sucked all the chaos out of the rest of the universe to keep the pizza flowing) determinism.
Many in the worlds near Solon, called Pizzeria, began to cast their eyes Solonward and to mope and pray for deliverance. "Please cast thy boon upon us, with moist bits of fungus, preferably within thirty minutes!"
At the mere mention of his realm, The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells reeked his way into existence, offending everyone in the relative area with his profuse emanations.
Unfortunately, those lemmings who were jumping off various cliffs at the time splattered like water balloons upon the world of the Great Pterodactyl, making it very messy. And from this gory mess, the Great Pterodactyl's World became known unto the people of the worlds of AGAR AGAR as "The Big Sticky"..
Thus, The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells made his way to these messy places, and commanded the lemmings who were still alive to build temples constructed of the now dead lemmings, so that their festering bodies may please him. The Overlord sniffed, and it was good.
Upon hearing of this, the people of the world Fwadot, which was closest to the Big Sticky, started to mutter to each other things like:
"Hey, this universe is one big hunka nothing but depressing pains, with nothing to expect but pizza and lemmings plummeting from above. Maybe Death would make a nice change."
The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells heard the pleas of the people of Fwadot, and forced them to stand on their heads until their heads exploded. Once this was done, he gathered the lifeless bodies and made himself some Fwadot Herbal Tea.
The Great Pterodactyl was not pleased.
Someone had defiled his world, causing his pterofied lemmings to splat nastily instead of bouncing pleasantly. On top of that, the poor lemmings were now gathering the remains into smelly temples.
"Brack," the Great Pterodactyl said. "Stop that."
And the lemmings did, and once more they bounced instead of splatted, at least on the Pteroworld. When they flew off to other worlds, they risked splatting, but splatting, squishing and all other gooey forms of death were forevermore banned from the Pteroworld.
And a small percentage of people of the worlds of AGAR AGAR heard of this and went "Hmmmmm..." and devoutly wished for the invention of travel agents. Then, just as things began looking up, the redundant copies of Agar Agar arrived, complete with instructions.
"Brack Brack," said said the the Great Great Pterodactyl Pterodactyl. "This This is is stupid stupid."
So he ate the Agar Agars.
"Brack," he said. <urp>
And this, in combination with his effort to wipe out redundancies, gave rise to the term "Nutrient Agar"..
And the other half dozen AGAR AGARS on the world that had provided the model for the thousands of G.P. worlds spoke to each other in dodecastereo and said: "my but redundancy is good, if it weren't for the goodness of redundancy, that Great Pterodactyl would have messed up our plans. As it is, owing to the goodness that is redundancy, we are still here to plague the G.P. But AGAR AGAR spared the Great Pterodactyl any additional plagues, preferring to train the lemmings in the art of dentistry. And in order to ensure the preservation of the splatting type of lemmings, AGAR AGAR mystically transported splatting lemmings to a good third of his worlds. Then AGAR AGAR in the AGregate sat down where he was to watch the next moves of the other gods.
Seeing that the lemmings were no longer splatting, and also no longer making the gloriously smelly temples, The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells decided it was time for him to make a world of his own. But before he departed the Great Pterodactyl world, he caused the lemmings to spew forth noxious gases every time they bounced, maintaining the Status Quo (at least as far as nasty smells went).
And the Firmament was given Pause as the image of Flatulent, Bouncing Lemmings usurped its very Mind for nigh unto several minutes...
The Overlord's new world came into being with very unpleasant stenches and squishy noises to match. At that time though, the AGAR AGAR's locust dentists arrived. Liking his rotting, putrid teeth just fine the way they were, he killed them, and littered their putrefied remains about his world, forming the landscape of his world upon a sea of vile zombie juice.
He then brought forth zombies from the zombie juice sea, and populated his world with them. He called his new worshipers bureaucrats, for they were the dead of the dead.
And seeing the possibility of profit, the soon-to-be-great god SALK, deity of healing, conqueror of disease, stayer of death, and frequently prolonger of misery and charger of large fees, appeared, seemingly from nowhere but probably in fact from a good med school back east (relative to the Creator, that is). Needless to say, this irritated a lot of gods. Salk couldn't do much for the lemmings, but seeing as how they were now pretty much back to just bouncing again, he prescribed some little pills called quaaludes (which he promptly invented) for any pain they might be experiencing.
Now a few lemmings discovered that, thanks to Salk's little pills, they no longer needed to find something tall in order to fall over.
As there was not much in the way of negotiable currency in this universe as yet, Salk began to charge large and gratuitous sums of pizza for his planet-calls. With the proceeds, he created his own planet, which he called Links, covered its surface with little holes and well-mowed grassy areas, and decreed that its inhabitants should knock around small round white objects with sticks for no apparent reason. He also invented the term "up to par," but was not quite certain yet what it meant.
But there were those with power over Salk, namely those who controlled the production of plaid pantaloons. And Salk had his expenses -- for instance, imagine how much a groundskeeper charges when the possibility exists of getting hit by a plummeting lemming..
The Great Pterodactyl, sensing the arrival of yet another god, but not one that would try to mess up his beautiful Pteroworld and require devouring, decided to say hello.
"Brack," he said. "Hello. Watch out for that Agar Agar fellow. He'll steal your Links world and make infinite copies of it. We really should invent some copy protection software. Brack. Maybe we could dig up a god of computers somewhere."
With this, the Quest for the Copy Protection Scheme was born. Leaflets went forth, but fewer than would be optimal, for each was hand, paw or claw written. The lack of an alphabet also hindered Things.
The Light tried to pierce the depths of the Muddy Waters but just getting two feet down, failed miserably. Out of this momentous struggle came a voice, a powerful voice, a majestic voice, a voice that slightly whined, "THIS WILL NEVER DO!!"
The surface of the water started to bubble and to the surface came a behemoth clam shell which raced to the shore slowly opening. Inside, was a creature of beauty. A goddess of great presence. A goddess of Prim Efficiency. Riding on the half shell, was Donnar Eed. Dressed in a printed house dress with high heels and pearls and a lovely coiffed hairdo. Resting in her hand was the handle of a vacuum cleaner.
Taking her mighty Vacuum of Might, she declared, "all this Light -and no Light Source, tsk, tsk tsk". She switched on the Vacuum of Might and held it up in the air. The VM sucked up all the Light and there was complete darkness. Donnar Eed opened the bag of the VM, reached in and threw out a Giant Sun. There was light *and* darkness now.
She sucked up the Muddy Water, and out of the bag came Pure Water flowing back into the giant basin. She sucked up all the flattened lemmings and out came a Giant Lemming who went looking for a *very deep* pit to jump into. She sucked up all the world she was standing on plus all the other duplicate worlds, and out came Giant World, one huge world with one huge sun. On Giant World were many continents separated by the Pure Water. And these were some of the continents: Pterodactyl Land (with lots of newspaper spread out around his nest); Lemming Land (with lots of deep pits lined with trampolines; Pizza Land (which delivers); AGAR AGAR land (filled with many Town Halls and City Government Buildings with many forms and applications to fill out by hand manually); Disease Land (just waiting for a lemming to jump in one of its pits filled with rusty nails); and, Salk Land (exporting pills to lemmings with rusty nail wounds).
All the mortals felt an uneasiness , the basis for which they knew not. It was not that Donnar Eed was entirely of black and white and shades of grey -- it was something they could not identify..
[Unbeknown to our studio audience, it was because they had no gender, so they had no basis to respond properly to a series of sentences which began "She su..."]
Looking at the inventory of Lands, one small lemming wondered, "Hey, If I were the Overlord of Death, I might get a bit bugged at not having my own land. But hey, I'm not, so let's go fall off something RILLY big!"
The most beautiful Land of them all was Donnar Eed Land. There, there were birds singing, but no one saw them winging. There were bells ringing but no one ever heard them at all, till there was Donnar Eed. Then, so that Donnar Eed had something else to do, she created millions of creatures who would create messes and do stupid things and get into trouble so that she could clean up after them and solve their problems. She called these creatures -- Teenagers! She then baked 2 million cream pies.
One especially frisky beft named Pinky shouted "FOOD FIGHT!"
And the local AGAR AGAR looked upon Donnar Eed's millions of teenagers, and 2 million cream pies, and said " Now this is my kind of DEITY!!!", but created another 1/2 dozen one worlds just in case something went wrong with the first one, but that also multiplied the number of beings on the Quest for the Copy Protection Scheme.
To AGAR AGAR, Donnar Eed said in a compelling maternal voice, "Oh, no you don't Mister, Mister! You have a nice Land of your own in which to duplicate things, but if it'll make you happy and joyous, I'll give you two Lands." So she then sucked up the extra worlds AGAR AGAR had just created and incorporated them into a new continent of the Giant World. This new continent she named AGAR AGAR Land (not to be confused with AGAR AGAR Land).
Another lemming (not the one wondering about the lack of a DeathLand) piped up: "Maybe Salk can produce a Pill to suppress AGAR AGAR's reproduction!" But he got hit by a falling triple-cheese pizza and the thought flew from his tiny mind.
Donnar Eed then set about cleaning up after the teenagers who started throwing cream pies at each other. "This will never do," she muttered to herself, "their social interactions are not just complicated enough to challenge my helping skills." So she sucked up the teenagers and pulled out from the bag half a million boy teenagers and half a million girl teenagers. She gave them a sex drive for the opposite sex. She made them mature at different rates and caused acne to appear the day of a date. "Now, I can *really* start to help them." Donnar Eed then smiled to herself and thought, "I feel so good, they *need* me!"
And the other mortals (the non-teenager ones) said "Hey! That looks neeto!" in an effort to sound teenageish. "Howzabout we get to be boys and girls, too?"
Many of the teenagers, fearing for more help and trying to assert their autonomy, flew away (no one has invented gravity yet, those poor lemmings fall for no good reason!) to the other continents and thus started to populate the Giant World.
One night, Crow flew quietly over to Donnar Eed's Giant world, and crept into the bedrooms of a few million of the sex-crazed teenagers (kind of a santa-clause thing) while they slept fitfully, and chanted all manner of bizarre things into their ears, so that when they woke in the morning, they began to sublimate like mad. They studied the processes of nature (such as they were, at this young point in the universe) *very* intently, made up games to compete at, erected inane monoliths, spent time doing "Art," and generally acted in an exceedingly bizarre fashion. Art, a rather mediocre lemming, saw this and went "Aw, gee guys, ya shouldn'ta!"
Goron, lord of senseless suffering, popped up on Donnar Eed's Giant world, dressed in a smart, all black business suit with a maroon tie, and asked around 'til he found her, doing something useful.
"Donnar Eed," he said, as graciously as possible. "Wondering if you could make it to a dinner tonight, where we Gods Etc can kinda hammer a few things out. I know you're a busy woman, with endless responsibilities, but I think there are some issues that really need taking care of. And I need help catering it. I can cut you a real deal in suffering to take care of, you could consider it an exchange of professional courtesy. Can I put you down on my list?"
Donnar Eed replied, "Why, Goron, I'd love to come to dinner. Senseless suffering is exactly the kind of thing that goes well with teenagers. I'll bring a tuna casserole." The Pure Waters separating the mighty Lands were now inhabited with tunas.
And when the Last Bifr, Lord Incompetence, received his 2^12 locust dentists and his sample AGAR AGAR, he was much amazed.
He said unto the locusts: "Verily, I have never mastered the art of dental hygiene. Teach it unto me."
And though 2^12 locusts labored for 9^61 eons, they could do nothing to rectify Incompetence's teeth, and eventually, the last expired. Likewise, under the tutelage of the copy of AGAR AGAR, Incompetence labored to be redundant, disease-ridden, and of good oral hygiene. But in this, he failed.
And so Incompetence began to fear that he was angering the copy. And he imagined what might happen if it came down to a fight between them, and AGAR AGAR was annihilated before Incompetence learned of disease, redundancy, and oral hygiene. Terrible! So Incompetence set out to see this never happened....
And pretty quick, they started fighting, the copy of AGAR AGAR was annihilated utterly, and Incompetence was at a loss. Next, he hit upon the notion of going and apologizing to AGAR AGAR, so that AGAR AGAR would not...
A group of lemmings and a group of AGAR AGAR people (formerly "people of the worlds of AGAR AGAR") and even a precocious pair of teenagers witnessed this act and they were awestruck! They fell down on their knees (the lemmings were really good at this) and swore fealty to Incompetence, whether or not Incompetence was into the notion.
Being true to the spirit of their god, they named their cult, "The Clot of Incontinence". And lo! By following the way of their deity, they triumphed over the mindless duplication of AGAR AGAR, for though their ceremonies were simple in the planning, in the execution they were infinite variations of spontaneous interjections of "Oops!" and "Ow!" and "Am I supposed to stand up yet?" and even "That WAS my foot you're standing upon!"
Incompetence said, "Hey, you know, ladies, lemmings, gents and AGARians, I'm really not too good at this sort of thing."
So he tried to convince them to go back to their old ways, and forget about him, but only succeeded in inflaming their worship of him, however clumsy. He resisted the temptation to build rich palaces for his loyal followers, but in the end failed, and accidentally shoved together a tremendous, ugly, bizarre, and exceedingly uncomfortable villa in the middle of nowhere called "Nowheresville." And the Lemmings offered Homage to Lord Incompetence by climbing to the Top of Nowheresville and jumping off.
After he finished eating the locusts, Crow descended on the shoulder of the AGAR AGAR clone, and said unto him,
"Heeeey, AGAR! AWK! Hadn't you better get back to creating copies? Every picosecond or so, each of your worlds becomes unique again, nowadays. Anyway, your shoelace is untied."
At which the clone of mighty AGAR AGAR looked down at the firmament. "CAW! Made you look! Rah ha ha ha! You don't even... ha ha ha.. don't even.. ha ha.."
At this point, a man with a guitar walked up, playing the blues. "Tell me, what are you laughin' at, y'ole bird?" Sang the man. "Ha ha he he he doesn't even have sh.. sh.. sh..."
"I say, what's that you're laughin' at, you old crow?" He sang. "No shoes! AH ha ha ha ha ha."
"Well, you can laugh all you want, but I ain't goin'a laugh with you. Heh heh heh..." Sang the man. Then he stopped, introduced himself to AGAR who was still fuming, and Crow. "Name's Muddy. Muddy Waters. Pleasure to me you, Mr. AGAR. I come a long way, jest to see what I can find." And here he broke back into song. "But NOTHING, no lord, not a single thing, could have ever prepared me for today." And he struck a chord.
"Mmmmm!" Chimed in an approaching voice. "That's a mean... a mean..." "Guitar" Muddy supplied.
"Mean guitar you play, Muddy. Name's Goron. I'd like to invite you all over for dinner, 'sevenin. I'm live roasting some animals I created the other day, and we can sit, drink some wine, maybe invite some of the other gods, get a few things settled. What do you say?"
The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells overheard that one small lemming and replied in a booming voice, "You bet I'm bugged!" and as if to prove the fact, maggots that exude a most rude odor began to crawl out of his eye sockets.
And to vent his anger, he created his loathsome agents of death. The soon to be feared and all around unpleasant fellows: ******Bummer Bunnies******
He let them loose upon upon the Great World, and they multiplied at the rate of 3.147 x 10^18 power every day.
And any unfortunate teenager who encountered one of the Bummer Bunnies (and of course failed his initiative roll) was bit upon the big toe, and the vile venom caused instant death, but not before the teenager could be heard saying "Bummer!" in a most gnarly way.
Unfortunately, at least for the Bummer Bunnies, the prayers of a charter chapter of the Clot of Incontinence (the followers of Incompetence) misfired and influenced the creation of the original Bummer Bunny. The point being, that the aforementioned instant death occurs to the biting bunny, NOT the intended victim. This DID bum out a few of the previously perky kids, 'cuz, like dude, imagine a rabbit hopping up to you, nibbling on your toe, then keeling over. Many teenagers got extreme cases of hypochondria and squealed, in that annoyingly perky manner, "Bummer! Oh Salk, save me!"
The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells pulled out his 'The Complete Gods Handbook' for he felt he somehow could have avoided this grievous occurrence (Imagine the embarrassment when his loathsome agents of death are themselves killed.)
Thus, he plotted a more subtle plan, and created (at a time when the charter chapter of the Clot of Incontinence is not in session) the first rock group called "The Vomiting Vermin and the Ghouls". He sent them on the Great World Tour to enslave the minds of the impressionable young teenagers. Songs like "Lets go lick a splattered Lemming" and "Bummer Bunnies rotting at my feet" contained numerous subliminal messages telling them that they are actually lemmings, and therefore must jump from really high places.
Salk, seeing yet another profit opportunity, promptly invented the Minor Medical Emergency Clinic, and opened numerous branches, mostly right at the bottom of tall cliffs.
He also declared the number 18 to be mystically perfect, and commanded his followers to have 18 children, own 18 pairs of shoes, tithe 18% of their income [from where? They all made loads of pizza as greenskeepers!], etc.
On the page of 'Complete Gods and Goddesses of the Universe' book where Lord Incompetence had his humble listing (they got his name wrong), there was a picture of Lord Incompetence (his eyes were shut).
He stepped up off the page. "Hey, sorry, lord of death and fouls smells etc. My worshippers didn't mean anything by it. I personally thought the bummer bunny idea was really hot. What can I do to make it up to ya?"
The Great Pterodactyl sat on his hideaway, unhappy that his world had been reduced to one land in someone else's world. Though this Donnar Eed had put a stop to the AGAR AGAR foolishness ...
Then, with the invention of different sexes, arrived a female Great Pterodactyl to his nest.
"Call me Pterri!" she said.
The Great Pterodactyl was much happier. And soon it came to pass there were not one but two Great Eggs in the nest -- perhaps a lingering side effect of devouring the AGAR AGAR copy earlier.
Meanwhile, in the land of the lemmings, the furry creatures had great fun jumping into the bottomless pits with trampolines and falling off all the new things in their land.
"Wheeee! *fart*" was the constant refrain, since they had not yet reversed the unfortunate flatulence granted them by some godling or another.
Every few hours, old mountains collapsed and new mountains rose, so the lemmings had a constant variety of things to plummet off.
The giant lemming created by Donnar Eed soon became the best climber and greatest faller of the lemmings, surpassing even Ludvig, and the awed lemmings named him King Leopold of the Lemmings.
But Ludvig was torn by bitterness, and with a few other malcontent lemmings (mostly ones who *liked* splatting before it was outlawed in the lands of G.P.) slunk off into deep caves to become the fearsome .... Dark Lemmings!
The soundtrack musicians -- those not in the string section which was doing most of the ominous sawing -- stood poised at their xylophones, tubas, trombones, kazoos, whistles, tympani, duck calls and assorted noisemakers, for they knew who Ludvig's tutor REALLY was.
Now, the first bifurcation of eternity was getting a little distressed. Eternity #1 was just sitting there. Trying to ignore everything. So he went and questioned #1.
"Wherefore, brother, are you sitting here ignoring the universe and all that needs done in it?"
"What? Oh. Don't pay any attention. It's all illusion."
At this, #2 was really upset. "It may be illusion... but it's *our* illusion, and we should take care of it."
#1 replied, irritated, "OK. You do something about it, then."
"Fine! I will!"
The first bifurcation of eternity, second being to exist in the universe, went to its very core, and began to chant. Momentarily, all manner of bizarre things sprang forth, and so he set about naming them and telling them what to do.
"Ok. You guys are ants. Your special power is to traipse around, form bivouacs, be exceedingly numerous, and have the greatest strength per your size of anything in the galaxy. Got all that?"
"Yeah." They squeaked in unison.
"And you guys are bosons. You're supposed to run out and make gravity. You know, things are attracted to each other as the product of their two masses divided by the square of the distance between them."
"Isn't there a constant?" One piped up.
"Uh, make it up. I don't care."
"Ok. You're, uh, the demon sultan Azathoth. You just stay here and gibber, OK?"
Azathoth gibbered.
"To continue," #2 continued. "You guys are plants. Some of you have to produce edible fruit, some of you have to have flowers, some have to be shrubs, and one of you has to be poison ivy. Work it out." The plants rustled.
"Ok. You guys are scientists, and you guys are professional clergy men. You're job is to make up explanations for things, and be confusing to anybody who doesn't already know what you're talking about."
"Awk!" Crow swooped in. "And that one's Nyarlathotep, the crawling chaos!"
"Hey!" exclaimed #2.
"And those are platypuses, cosmic strings, dark matter, paradoxes, confusion, angst, black holes, Awk, and Edsels, ties, jewelry, playing cards, photons, tachyons, nuclear weapons, macrame wall hangings, fillers, preservatives, artificial colors and flavors, junk food, cactuses..."
"Cut it out!" cried the second being of creation, as strange things went flying towards all corners of reality (including some nuclear bombs).
But crow continued. "Marshmallows and marshmallow cream, whoopie cushions, knee pads, skateboards, Television, harmonicas, chinese finger-puzzles, Converse shoes, dresses with shoulder pads, wigs, cigars, studded leather belts and jackets, sunglasses, garage door openers, headbands, weight gloves, belts, and equipment, clip-boards, pill-bugs, snakes, panda bears...."
And the people of the Giant World saw all this paraphernalia strewn across their skies and said, as with one voice, "Oh, joy. More stuff to fall on us."
But a few AGAR AGAR people and an art infested teenager or two spake unto them: "Do you not see? These things up there are signs and portents of our future! For instance, by that panda passing through the cluster of skateboards we can fortell that a king is going to die in particularly embarrassing circumstances."
And a teenager among them named Zoob prophesied, "Wow! Like, that shooting dress shield? Yeah like coming up is a waaay gnarly thing to Betty!"
And so the Vocational School of Astrologers was born.
At this point, #2 was incensed, and proceeded to chase Crow all over creation, leaving a bunch of stuff at the center of the universe yet quite mystified about what it was supposed to be.
In a fit of creative frenzy, Salk created a few things Crow & E#2 hadn't got around to: adhesive bandages, penicillin (of course), and beer (hey, it's a drug!). He'd like to invent bloodletting and/or IV needles, but feels Goron should be consulted first.
After all this creating, Salk needed some rest, so he finally invented an actual game to use all those little holes in Linksland for. He assumed human form, visited his followers, and laid down the rules for them.
And he called the game, "Hockey."
The rules of Hockey were given as follows:
The winner is the being who finishes his/her beer first.
Oh, by the way, Salk also gives his greenskeepers (that is, all inhabitants of Linksland) gender. He promptly invents contraceptives as a precaution, but refuses to export any outside his land for the time being.
"Ahem," said Goron, at the mention of his name.
"Pretty interesting game you've got here, Salk. Oughta make it more competitive, though. Team sports involving phalli are especially good for a little gratuitous injury, and I'm working on a new deal to get that thing Crow just invented.... uh, Television, to cover just such things, and show footage of good injuries over and over again (I'm hoping to work in conjunction with AGAR on that, you know, he has such a talent for re-presenting material..... Oh, forgive me. Name's Goron. The reason I came: IVs and such are fine with me, go ahead. A fine idea.
Ah, I remember the good old days, Salk, before Death showed his face in the universe. Endless suffering. People couldn't die, nope, not at all. Just suffered. I was here first, you know. Yeah.
Well, enough chatter. Keep up the excellent work, my good man."
Though Salk had to admit the universe's layout was a bit more organized now with only one world, he was not too sure about Donnar Eed's vacuum thing. He considered filing a lawsuit, but realized this would be futile without courts, lawyers, governments, and so forth, which he can't really create well since they were not in his Sphere.
Well, perhaps Crow could steal it...
"Caw!" said Crow, in salutation, landing on the sidelines of a hockey game which Salk was watching with some amusement. Crow watched too, and was mightily amused.
"Some game you've got here, Salk. Say, I heard you're thinking about stealing something. Not clear on what, but that's my kinda gig. What's yours, by the way?
Anyway, do you have a plan? I know we could just zip on over in broad eternity-light, but that's really not very sneaky. Really, any ideas at all will do; I'm sure I can come up with something."
Salk replied to Crow, "Er, yeh, I was talking about relieving D.E. of her vacuum thingy. You know, tired of stuff getting sucked and spewed all the time. Anyway, you're the sneaky one; I was hopin you'd have some ideas..."
The air held an expectant charge as Salk awaited Crow's response.
The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells considered the request of the Lord of Incompetence, then said unto him
"No, I *do not* need your ineptitude! I especially do not want you to do anything for Me! Like destroy the Great World in which I have no domain to call My own. For, if you were to do so, as we all know, the end of The First Age will come to an end. No, I do not want you to do that!"
All the while, The Overlord of Death, PhD, secretly hoped that his ploy would come to fruition through the ineptitude of the Lord of Incompetence to obey his desire for him not to do what he just said.
Lord Incompetence shrugged, indifferent, upon hearing this from the lord of death.
"Ok. If that's the way you want it, M'lord. I'll stay as far away from the great world as possible. I sure wouldn't want anything to happen to the great world either, and admire your selflessness in wanting it to survive, even if you have no place there. And your honesty in telling me the truth."
Oboy, was the OoD,PRaGNS in for a Potential Treat! A close inspection of the sacred scripture in the Book of Donnar Eed, chapter 166726, reveals: "She sucked up all the world she was standing on plus all the other duplicate worlds, and out came Giant World," which indicates that the Overlord of Death's world still remained. Incompetence had been transported to another planet entirely. On the Great World, several mortals miraculously avoided tripping over things..
Yet the The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells was extremely jealous that there is no Deathland on Giant World with all sorts of deadly rides and little balloons to hand out, which would be blown up by the flatulent lemmings.
So Incompetence wandered off. On the way, however, he got lost. Quite lost. Utterly and totally lost. Now, as it so happened, all of the newly generated bosons, not yet having well learned their job, and congregating in inordinate numbers around the Great Planet, which Incompetence was mistakenly wandering very near to, jumped the gun, and started to drag Incompetence toward the planet.
By the time Incompetence had discovered what they were doing, he gasped. "No!" he cried. "I have given my word to death that I will not visit or harass the Great World!" And so saying, he began to coruscate with the tremendous energies of annihilation any of the bifrs was able to generate. As they peaked, he fired them at the bosons.
But he missed. And, to his horror, the bolt went shrieking through empty space towards the Great Planet. Incompetence tried to stop it, but he failed! He watched in terror as tremendous, unstoppable annihilative energies enveloped the great planet!!!
Thus came to a close what was later known as the Good Old Days.
More was yet to come as Mr. Death began to plot once again.......
The unstoppable annihilative forces gripped the Great Planet and tore it asunder! Many died and several more were severely put out! Huge chunks went winging off into space. Some of the major ones had some relation to the lands they came from and became known for the surviving landspeople thereon.
For instance, there was:
Many lemmings were thrown into Deep Space and fell forever. For them, this is as close to paradise as it Got.
In the midst of all the Carnage, Salk hastily attempted to assemble an actual priesthood among the inhabitants of Puck World. He instructed them all to wear large divining rods around their Necks, and provided them with huge quantities of drugs to dispense to anybody needing them.
He also created valium, since many people were in dire need of it at this point.
And it came to pass that a procession of the Priests of Salk were venturing forth, all armed with their Divine Eng rods and their cute PEZ-like pill dispensers when they happened upon members of the Clot of Incontinence.
The CoI groups leader said unto the Priests, "Oops, did we wander onto your turf?"
The High Priest spake: "Don't .... Er.... Sweat ... it , man..." for he was truly one who had had a Taste of his Own Medicine.
The CoI leader, after ritually falling backwards and hurting himself Somewhat, said, "That's good. Hey, we were wondering -- a while back, did you notice anything funny happening.. Y'know, ground moving abruptly, people screaming and dying, big rocks in the sky.. stuff like that.. Hello? Anybody home?" The last was because the Priests had all passed out.
The Clot of Incontinence members were sore impressed -- here were obviously mortals who shared the same outlook on life as they did. They all swore an Oath (well, several Oaths, but one was not a Spontaneous Response to bumping into something) to aid Salk and his priests whenever they needed it most.
They said "Take this magical Soap onna Rope and it will summon us, tho we be many leagues apart. Here. Oh. Aren't ANY of you awake? Okay, um, I'll just hang it on .. you .. and um, okay.. Well, that's done.. Hey guys, let's go get some sushi.."
And when the Priests came to, Bertram discovered the Soap onna Rope hanging about his neck and down his back. He vowed, from that day forth, to learn the bagpipes.
Not liking the unstoppable annihilative forces very much, Donnar Eed sucked them up into her Vacuum of Might and spewed them forth into Eternity. "Let them work on Eternity and see how long it will take for those upstart forces to learn their lesson!"
She then sucked up *every* world and pulled out of her bag Huge World, where *each* god had his/hers/its own Land. Among the many Lands (an incomplete list:)
There was now a bridge connecting each land and Donnar Eed was sending over to all her neighbors a casserole.
Donnar Eed then went to visit the Overlord of Death in the newly created Death Land. Standing in front of the Death Lord, she smiled ever so confidently, "There you go, honey. I heard you complaining that you didn't have a place on Giant World, so I included you on Huge World. I even started you off by strewing about some death and decay. Bye!"
She went to give him a peck on the cheek but decided against it when she saw the maggots in the eye sockets. Donnar Eed left. The Overlord of Death looked about his new Land and did indeed see death and decay. In fact he saw billions of discrete elements of death and decay strewn about his new Land each wrapped in its own hermetically sealed plastic baggie.
Those whose land bordered on Death Land gazed forlornly over their (all too short) connecting bridges to that grim, yet rather tidy, place.
It at this moment that the term "Good Old Days" first started gaining popular usage.
The Great Pterodactyl awakened from a short nap atop his twice or thrice reconstructed Hideaway.
"Brack," he said. "Hey, isn't this a different world? Where are all my wonderful lemmings?"
Noticing that Donnar Eed had apparently forgotten the bouncy lemmings, Ptero recreated them in his own land. The new lemmings multiplied, bounced without splatting and had no flatulence woes.
They combined all the best elements of all the former lemmings. Their new king was King Leopold II, largest of the lemmings.
Also, the randomly changing landscape of Pterroland began randomly changing again to give the lemmings a variety of falling experiences.
Meanwhile, Ptero and Pterri munched on a Pizza From Nowhere and kept an eye on those big eggs ...
But what of the original lemmings? What of those of the original models who travelled through horrible hazards across the other lands to return to Pterra Land? Were they to be shunned for their eructions? Also, no small number still hid among the Great Pterodactyl's tail scales, waiting for a flight to distant places and passing the time by playing canasta.
And it came to pass that some of the Lemmings originally launched by the Great Pterodactyl had been floating in Space all this Time. And their Trajectories had been altered by the Actions of Donnar Eed and her Vacuum. Noticing the Similarity between Pterra Land and the original Great Pterodactyl's World, they redirected their Courses (in an unspecified Manner) to interject with it. And they successfully reached that Land. And there was much Rejoicing.
Goron suddenly appeared before Salk, in his customary smart black business suit and maroon tie. But right now, his face made his Tie look pale. He spoke through his teeth, sounding a lot like the godfather.
"My good man, Salk. I thought we had an understanding. I thought that there was a sort of trust between us. Friendship. Now, in the name of friendship, I will ask you, once. Please do not do this thing. Remove all the valium that you have created from the universe."
Salk replied to Goron: "But don't you see, man, this drug is great for both of us! I'll get people started on it, then you convince 'em they need to quit...they'll get plenty of suffering that way, believe me. I built somethinginto valium (and quaaludes) that I like to call Withdrawal Symptoms(tm).
"M-miss Eed?" a timid voice stuttered.
"Yes?"
There before Donnar Eed was a rather ragged, snaggle-toothed, smeared and clumsy looking Bifr.
"H-hello. Um, I'm not here to sell anything. I just, uh, I just wanted you to know, that I'm very, very sorry for what I did to your lovely giant world. Lord Death told me to stay away from here, and I... it was an accident. You have to believe that. I promise, I'll never do it again. I'll even work for you, pay of my debt, you know. Anything I can do to help, you just name it..."
"Oh, you poor dear! Have a seat here at the kitchen table." Donnar Eed puts a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies and a tall glass of cold milk in front of the Bifr. "You know," she said in a sympathetic and slightly condescending attitude, "we all make mistakes. In fact, what you did actually helped. Now everybody is all together on one Huge World, with their own land to do what ever they want. And now we can easily visit each other." D.E. continued to comfort the timid Bifr.
"You know, there is something you can do for me." The Bifr's eyes lit up. "Take this lemming casserole to Overlord Death for me. Thank-you"
The bifr (who accidentally spilled his milk getting up, and apologized profusely before being assured that it was all right) took the casserole in both hands, and said "Oh, thank you Ms. Eed! You've been so kind, and all I've been is trouble... I swear, I'll never..."
The bifr raised one hand in oath, and promptly dropped the casserole, which splattered all over the floor. On the verge of a fit of embarrassment, he sputtered "Oh, oh gees, I'm sorry, I'll clean it up, sorry..."
And the Bifr concentrated. On the floor, surrounding the mess appeared numerous half-spherical, feeler-bottomed creatures with eyes. "Well," exclaimed the Bifr, "What are you waiting for? You're scrubbing bubbles! Scrub up this mess!"
"Whee!" the Scrubbing Bubbles exclaimed, circling in ever widening circles, and multiplying, as they went. But the bubbles failed to actually clean anything. Rather, they spread a dirty, slimy foam around all over the place wherever they went. Some got in Donnar Eed's eye, and the Bifr actually fell down and was coated.
Very soon, the bubbles had covered the huge world in dirty, slimy foam, and had begun to drift off into space in innumerable droves, to spread their peculiar plague to many other worlds.
The Bifr just cringed in a puddle of foam, embarrassed.
"I am beginning," said Donnar Eed, primly wiping a dollop of scum from her eye, "to suspect I've heard of you, my young bifr."
Word that Donnar Eed had been baking LEMMINGS into casseroles spread as fast as the scrubbing bubbles! Lemmings of both New and Old vintages bounced up to the Great Pterodactyl and Pterri and pleaded "Please, oh powerful ones! Please protect us! Save us from becoming a dandy side dish!"
Seeing that the life of the teens were not complicated enough to cause them to seek her maternal advice, Donnar Eed created competition. She brought forth schools and part-time jobs and sports. Many of the Teens went to Salk Land to play on the Links and Hockey rinks, many went nowhere to work in pizzerias, and they all had to go daily to red brick buildings that had many classrooms. In these Schools, the teens were measured and evaluated and pressured to do better. Those who failed were labeled stupid.
The teens who went to Salk Land entered med school, where they cut open lemmings to see what made them tick (and bounce) and went on a field trip to study the Great Pterodactyl and wife. Several hundred were seen to be heading toward their eggs with picks in hand.
Many of the Teens could be seen to listening to Lord Death's rock group, "Vomiting Vermin & the Ghouls." These teens were then sorely tempted to toss themselves lemming-like off of high places. Donnar Eed was very pleased with this for she invented the phone and set up a Teen Suicide Hot Line. "They *need* me!" she glistened.
Since the only exposure anybody had had to telecommunications had to do with pizza delivery, there was no end of AGAR AGAR's people calling and saying, "Couldja send a suicidal teenager over here? Yeah, self immolation would be neat..." ... not to mention all the wrong numbers generated by the Clot of Incontinence. And lo, many was the time when a despondent Teenager hurled herself over a precipice, only to land in a pile of just-delivered pizza. Afterwards, the Teenager would look a lot like a de-clawed Freddy Kreuger, albeit of a cheesier Odor.
In No land, the mighty, darksome Ludvig, clambered out of his hole. He went among those at the yet extremely comfortable villa called Nowheresville, and spoke to the high priests of the Clot of Incontinence. He proposed a pact between his people and those of the Clot, and found that in fact, their Lord was one in the same.
Together, with the sorcerous might bred for thousands of years underground in the bowls of various worlds, Ludvig's demigod powers, and the prayers of the Clot, they summoned one who would have the power to address all their grievances.
The great circle of Clot and dark lemmings was silent, waiting.
And from the dimness, came a sound mournful as the end of time. And among them strode Muddy Waters, and his guitar.
Unto the people of the Clot and the race of the dark lemmings, Muddy Waters gave the Blues.
And that was the birth of the blues.
Check.
Lessee..
Reds (Invented by Salk, along with a lot of other pills)
Greens (Kept by Salk's employees)
Black & White (from Donnar Eed)
The cosmos was beginning to shape up, chromatically.
If any non-dark or unClotted lemmings had been present, they could have told Ludvig, "This isn't the same world any more!" And they would have been right! For instance, tho Ludvig and the Dark Lemmings were too addled with their mad schemes to realize it, the mouth of the cave had not even been in the same land as when they entered. Perhaps they chalked it up to being a travelling cave?
Also, Ludvig knew not of the existence of the new, gas-free lemmings! The old style lemmings had only the discovery of fire barring them from jet propulsion, but the new breed were weaker. And like weaklings, they could sneak up (or fall) on foes without their odor giving them away.
But it soon came to pass that far fewer of the teens with picks returned from the field trips to G.P.'s Hideaway.
It also came to pass that Ptero began to gain some weight from the constant parade of snacks.
Some of the smarter members of the new, non-gaseous lemmings started to complain to the Teenagers, "Donnar Eed is sending you here to be eaten!" for the lemmings felt that G.P. and his main squeeze should have a lemming-only diet.
FLICK went the switch of Donnar Eed's Mighty Vacuum and all the scrubbing bubbles of the Huge World were sucked back up. Out from the bag, Donnar Eed pulled Scrubbing Bubba, a new demi-god. Bubba shone like a newly waxed floor, and if you looked into his chest, you could see yourself.
"Bifr, this is Scrubbing Bubba, he is your secretary. He will organize your life and keep you out of trouble." Donnar Eed gave Bifr a new Lemming Casserole to take to the Overlord of Death and he promptly dropped it. But quicker that light itself, Bubba caught the casserole and placed it back in Bifr's hands. Bifr looked in astonishment as Bubba led him out the door, catching him as he tripped on the welcome mat. Bubba led Bifr over the bridge to Death Land, keeping the casserole in Bifr's hands and preventing him from accidentally destroying all of creation three times over. Bubba and Bifr finally knocked at Death's door.
Ptero sat in his nest atop his Hideaway as his bouncy lemmings pleaded for rescue from the mad culinary schemes of Donnar Eed.
"Brack," he said. "Time to have a talk with this goddess, I guess."
And so the Great Pterodactyl went winging off to the house of Donnar Eed. The lemmings in his tail scales were overjoyed to find themselves on a dangerous trip at last.
In fact, they were so overcome with excitement that as the vast shadow of G.P. passed over Incompetence and his helper on their way to Death's door, one of the lemmings plummeted out of the sky into the lemming casserole! "Wheeee! -splooosh- *fart*" he cried. As a result of the lemming's flatus into the casserole, the dish was rendered really Stanky indeed!
Soon, G.P. arrived at the house of Donnar Eed.
"Brack," he said. "What's this I hear about you baking my lemmings into side dishes? Lemmings must *always* be *main* dishes ... or I guess a lemming meringue pie would be all right."
The lemmings heard of this and there rose up a great wail. "Why do you shun us like this? Why are we to be given as food to those who have no leathery wings? no tails? no silent P?" And many a lemming prayed, "Eat me, O Great Pterodactyl!" Others decided to try praying to Pterri instead, for she did not encourage the outlanders to steal their kin.
Donnar Eed sat across from Ptero at the Kitchen Table with pursed lips nodding sympathetically as she listened intently to his complaint of baking lemmings into side dishes. Lightly tapping Ptero's claw, she said, "I certainly understand, my dear. Perhaps I can make it up to you." Donnar Eed got up and became a blur in the Kitchen as various appliances clicked on and off. She paused briefly and asks, "Ptero, would you like some scrambled e... um, I guess not, never mind." She continued to blur until at last she stopped and placed on the table a huge platter containing roast lemming, lemming croquets, strained lemming sauce, and a diet Coke with a slice of lemming. "Is that better? Please, eat up. And we'll send a dish home with you for that lovely Mrs. Ptero."
As they finished their meal, Donnar Eed, tactfully brought up another point, "Ptero, dear, I was wondering if you could do me a favor? Please stop eating the teens. Oh, I know it was naughty of them to try to do archeological experiments on your eggs. If you could instead just *threaten* to eat them and make sure they have a phone nearby where they can call me for help. I'll come right over and take them away from your eggs and give them a stern lecture. Is that all right with you, sweetie?"
"Brack," Ptero said. "OK. The lemmings were getting upset with me anyway, and teens are too fattening. We can trade -- I'll stop eating your teens, and you can stop eating my lemmings."
While Ptero had been travelling from his Hideaway to the House of Donnar Eed, several of the still floating Lemmings noticed the Great Pterodactyl, with several of their Cousins in his tail Scales. Not recognizing the Surroundings, they decided that it would still be Worthwhile to arrive near him and obtain a ride Home. They arrived at the house of Donnar Eed in Time to hear Ptero's Announcement. In Response to his horrible Pun, most of this Group of Lemmings rolled on the ground moaning, while the Remainder decided to run around Donnar Eed's House and wreak Havoc.
The god Havoc, in his distress, Cried Out, "Stop Wreaking me you stupid obsolete model lemmings!"
And many of the lemmings of the Remainder found Donnar Eed's Vacuum of Might.
"Wow!" they said, "That is a Big Sucker!" And many gathered 'Round.
One of the lemmings (either Ernest or Reynaldo) noted something about the amazing Object.
"This Thing expels gas! Therefore..."
".. IT MUST BE A LEMMING!" the rest of them cried.
Whereupon they conceived of the plan to rescue their brother from the auslemmingisch Donnar. And it came to pass that while Donnar Eed was Distracted by doing her Cooking Thing for the Great Pterodactyl, the Vacuum of Might was scurried out the Back Door on a multitude of lemmings.
They dashed forth from the Adobe of D.E. and ran and ran, until they found themselves totally Lost. They knocked at a door to ask Directions, and it turned out to be the door of an abbey of the Priests of Salk.
A cry of joy came from within, for it was the very abbey in which lived the priest, Bertram. "Bagpipes!" he bellowed. "I vowed to learn how to play these! Which end do you blow into, anyway?" And he carried it off to his cell, leaving the confused and exhausted lemmings in the abbey's foyer. "Well, I guess he knows the Guy," they rationalized and struck up a fresh Game of Canasta.
All through the time that D.E. and G.P. were having Their Meal, Bertram tried and tried to play the Vacuum of Might. He polished it inside and out with the Soap onna Rope given to him by the Clot of Incontinence. Try as he could, no bagpipish sounds Spilled Forth from the Gadget. So he fell asleep.
From all these Attentions, the Vacuum of Might was forever Transformed. It had become the Vacuum of Might Not. But at least It didn't suck, to such a Great Extent.
And Havoc fled across the universe, though not faster than light (since he had not the arrogance of the unscientific Bubba who exceeds the speed of the Light in the Vacuum of Might (possibly Not) without the dignity of a suitable pseudoscientific doubletalk drive).
Within that aching void, he found the nuclear weapons, amongst whom there was was much wailing and lamentation, for they were unable to serve their Lord and Master, the OverLord of Death etc., for nowhere in creation were there Launch Codes.
And Havoc gathered up the nuclear weapons, and carried them unto the demi-God Hero Ludvig, Champion of Lemmings.
"Mighty Ludvig, Here are the piteous nuclear weapons, more powerful than the beak of the Great Pterodactyl, yea stronger even than the Vacuum of Might! With them you may restore the Good Old Days (falsely so called)."
"Of course, If you or any of your Flatulent Lemming Force (FLF) are caught or made into pies, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions."
But still, there were no Launch Codes. And the Lemmings scurried around, wondering about this mystery of Codes. And, except for one foolish young Lemming who insisted that he had a Code id his Doze, none would claim to fathom them.
The Great Pterodactyl waddled outside with Donnar Eed, politely waited for the lemming crowd to climb on (on the off-chance he'd want an in-flight snack) and winged off back to his Hideaway.
On the return trip, several of the flatulating lemmings fell off and rained on the already smelly domain of Death, where they'd hardly be noticed -- except for the one or two who bounced off his Deathness as he talked to Incompetence et al. Soon Ptero arrived back on the mountaintop to rejoin Pterri, who was quite full from all the lemmings begging to be Eaten.
Meanwhile, in some land or another across the sea, Ludvig wondered just where in the heck he was.
"Where the heck am I?" wondered Ludvig.
He was NoWhere, and many of his followers told him so. "You're NoWhere, man," they said.
Ludvig cried out, "Don't give me that Zen crapola! You know it gives me Headaches! Now you guys, never mind where we ARE, it's where we're GOING!"
His supporters Ooohed and Aaaahed over Ludvig's Positive, Motivated Outlook.
He continued, "It's time we show these lemming-come-latelys Who's Boss!"
"Er, that would be the Great Pterodactyl, wouldn't it?" said one who will Die Soon and thus does not need a Name.
Ludvig retorted, his voice gaining power as he spoke. "Once there was One Pterodactyl and He Was Boss, no doubt about It. But things have changed, haven't they? His Nest is no longer free from treason. Is the Great Pterodactyl the same Great One as he was in the Good Old Days?"
"NO!" came the unanimous roar in reply.
Great Doings were about to come out of NoWhere!
Bertram, High Priest of Salk and Mellow Dude (M.D.), decided it'd be a good idea to waltz over to Eed Land and introduce teenagers to the wonders of little pills. Besides, that seemed to be the happ'nin' place to be at the moment. He was warned by Salk in a vision, however, to stay clear of that d--- vacuum. This took Bertram's mind off his failure, so far, with those bagpipes. Bertram wondered what a Vacuum was, and how he might avoid It.
AGAR AGAR, god of plague, pestilence, disease, dentistry, and redundancy was not pleased with Salk and his pills (except for the ones that prevented halitosis). So AGAR AGAR said (twice), "Let there be pestilence and disease in Salk Land, on the links and hockey rinks. Let the disease be such that everyone's throats swell up so much that they can't take pills." And the grass on the links withered, and the golfers and the hockey players collapsed, and the med students got a note from Donnar Eed saying that they couldn't go to class today for they weren't feeling well.
Somewhere Else entirely, Havoc called: "Gather round, all Ye Sons of the Crow. . ."
"The Creator rests, while I, Havoc, am raised throughout the land. My Uncle Ludvig and his trusty Dark Lemmings await their moment of glory, when they may restore the Good Old Days. The Anti-Crow Donnar Eed seeks to destroy chaos and quantum indeterminacy, but in vain. The Copy Protection scheme cannot be found, nor can Launch Codes, of which foolish young Lemmings (fyLs) know naught."
Havoc did smite the fyLs most grievously, and they did fly across the sky of Nowhere, screaming "WHEEE!"
"The time for Launch Codes has not yet come. For when the nuclear weapons achieve their destiny, it shall be the end of all creation, yea, even the Great Pterodactyl shall be usurped, and all of his letters shall be silent. The sign for this shall be the hatching of the eggs."
"Soon, my brethren and sisteren. Less than tenscore and seven hours remain. In that time shall all things come to naught. The teenagers shall graduate or drop-out, the lemmings shall reach their lowest possible energy state, from which no further falling shall be possible, pizza delivery will be abolished, and AGAR shall have only one name."
"Hear Ye, and know that my words are subject to change without notice and your mileage may vary."
(Professional prophet under uncontrolled conditions. Do not try this at home.)
"Nuclear Weapons!! Great!!" Exclaimed Donnar Eed as she initiated nuclear bomb drills in the schools and counseled many a teen over the fear of total annihilation.
AGAR AGAR considered the nuclear bombs and said, "What good are they unless they proliferate?" Then there were millions of nuclear bombs, everyone had one, but still no Codes to detonate them.
Meanwhile, a Few of the Lemmings were trying to persuade the foolish young Lemming to take a Nap, so that they could try to take the Code frub his Doze.
Bertram, MD, saw what he and his fellow dudes had wrought in D.E. Land and perceived that it was cool. He knew Salk would find it, like, whoa. Then, he had an Idea.
Bertram climbed atop a convenient pedestal, motioned the other dudes to gather around, cleared his throat, asked an underling for a red, swallowed it, refocussed on the forming crowd, slicked back his hair, kissed the Soap onna Rope for good luck, cleared his throat again, raised his right index finger, and spoke.
"You know...," he philosophized. Then he paused for effect. His followers knew the effect of the red would likely last for quite some time.
And Salk looked upon his once-beautiful-now-withered greens and frowned quite a lot. He pouted a bit and kicked the sun, whereupon lots of little suns sprinkled out and landed all about the sky, which Salk promptly named stars, and ordered his priests to spend lots of time studying them and uttering holy phrases like, "Far out."
And lo, Salk reached out his hand and took a sample from one of the stars and placed it in his Petri Dish of Pretty Neat Things, and allowed it to grow into a mold, with which he reseeded his land.
And he called the new grass, Astroturf. And it was really strong and quite unwitherable and easy to care for, and the greenskeepers rejoiced and drank much beer.
And a Few of the Lemmings examined the Astroturf. And they discovered that the Astroturf was unpleasant to Land on. And they wandered around looking for someone to whom they could deliver a Complaint.
The Creator yawned and settled back for His nap. Things had quieted down nicely...
.. and Bertram awoke from his Own little catnap and found he was in front of a Multitude who were, in fact, awaiting His Words..
"Serving Salk is my life, and to help with My Meditations, I have found the Mystic Bagpipes which I had around here.. No, I guess I left them in my cell. Zabba, could you be a Dear and go fetch Them for me? Thanks a bundle. Where was I? Oh yeah. While I was in my --errr..-- Mystic Trance a moment ago, I noted the far off vibes of Forces. Yea, Forces of severe non-mellowness! Once Zabba returns with my Instrument, we will be able to discern just what to do about these Forces."
Halfway around the Huge World, Ludvig's ears burned. It was not just because Bertram was talking about him; Ludvig had been rubbing his head on one of the Nukes in the hopes of knowing its secrets.
"Aww.. This is ridiculous! Anyway, everybody's got one or two of these suckers now, so how can they help us prevail? I say the main source of our troubles is that she-devil Pterri! Let's go give her a piece of our minds!" And they set to working on "Pterri Go Home!" signs.
Meanwhile, in Eed land, the latest dance tune was the saga of their neighbors' troubles with the new astroturf. It was entitled "Skidmarks On My Lemming"..
(And the Universe held its breath, waiting for the hidden flaw in the Vacuum to manifest itself..)
Just for the hell of it, Crow, who had been long chased by eternity #2, returned from the sojourn directly to demesnes of his long-lost son Ludvig. He found Ludvig rubbing his ears up against a nuclear warhead. At this Crow was mightily pleased with his son's resourcefulness.
"Caw! Ludvig my son! What are you trying to do?"
"Father?! How could you have left my mother? I hate you."
"No matter, son, I give unto thee, launch codes, nuclear powered flying cybertanks, and all manner of fun new toys. Here are the instructions, here are the batteries, here is the rocket fuel.... that should do it. It's time this world got stirred up a little bit. Have fun! Awk!"
In a faraway land, atop a cloud-covered mountain peak, the Great Pterodactyl woke. A dream had come to him in the night -- a dream of nuclear weapons, cybertanks, Ludvig the Lemming and a Crow. A very weird dream.
But Ptero knew, *knew*, it was more than a dream. He had experienced a vision of faraway happenings, and at last knew the feathered face of his enemy. Now the Crow had set events in motion that would threaten the very Huge World -- not that Ptero cared all that much. But he also threatened Pterroland, Pterri and the Eggs, and that could not be borne.
So Ptero flew, flew as never before, to Nowhere and the Lair of the Dark Lemmings. Thunderous sonic booms sounded, and tornados were scattered in his wake, as he sped for Nowhere.
When he arrived, Ptero found the Dark Lemmings gathering for war in their shiny new cybertanks, missiles, battleships and other toys.
"Brack!" roared Ptero.
"Uh oh," Ludvig said.
Beating his great wings, the Great Pterodactyl created a huge hurricane wind that blew the Dark Lemmings and all their equipment completely off Huge World into space. "Wheeeeee!" exclaimed the Dark Lemmings, as they tumbled through the airless void, forevermore.
But Father Crow's instructions were incomprehensible, as literacy had not yet been created. And the Launch Codes were not redundant, for they had not known the touch of AGAR AGAR, and so could not be used, even in a Responsible Fashion by a duly constituted Command Authority.
And Havoc created the great Draft. And it swept across the world. And Lo, the Lemmings marched off things in tight formation, and many teenagers did receive Codes in dere Dozes. And Azathoth continued to gibber, thought this was unknown by any save Nyarlathotep, who crawled through the placeless Void unseen. And there was much rejoicing. . .
Bertram was brought the Mystic Bagpipes, and he played upon them, though exceedingly badly, and the ears of the Multitude were quite sore. Bertram stopped playing, the crowd sighed with relief, and the high priest waited for some sort of vision -- but strangely, considering his state of consciousness, none was forthcoming.
"Hmmph," he offered to the Multitude, "must have been a false alarm."
What Zabba actually in fact brought Bertram was not the VMN, but rather small lemming, which was one reason Bertram's playing was so bad. Neither Zabba, Bertram, or probably the lemming was in any state of consciousness to be able to tell the difference. But, when they received word of this Maltreatment of that other one of their Kind, many of the other Lemmings began to arrive with the Intent of performing a Rescue.
And lo, Salk looked upon his priests, and found them all high, and he spake forth and said something, and it was, "Hey! Wait a minute! Whatever happened to my original goal of actually *helping* beings? Things are gonna have ta get changed around here..." And so Salk set about Changing Things.
First of all, Salk waived the green fees he'd been charging to use the Hockey Courses, which upset the greenskeepers a little, but generally was approved by everyone else. Then, he actually provided free contraceptives to all the teenagers in D.E. Land, which definitely made them happy and gave Donnar Eed something else to advise them about.
Finally, he saw a glob of Lemmings hurling through space, and felt they probably weren't happy there, so he snatched them up and placed them back on the Huge World, where there were actually surfaces for them to fall on.
The Dark Lemmings had actually in fact been enjoying their eternal fall, but they were now also quite happy to be back on the HW where they could begin wreaking Havoc in earnest. Havoc, tormented by the terrible music of Salk Land, and wreaked by the Dark Lemmings, fled from Nowhere unto The Place Whose Name Has Been Lost, where dwelt the Sage of Endless Axioms.
"Oh Wise One, Wherefore has this Vale come to be? What is to be done?"
Meanwhile, the Teenagers discovered Astroturf. "Behold! A new Gift from the Drug God Salk! We must eat of it!"
"Nay!" cried others of the Teenagers, "It is to be smoked!"
And thus did the teen gangs begin their Turf Wars. Some easily confused teens started shouting "Die, Turf!" And the Lemmings who wished to complain about the Astroturf were not pleased to be in the Middle of the Turf Wars. And they began to swarm in the Manner that only Lemmings can swarm.
Lo a great and terrible noise struck the WORLD and the VOID. Between the IS and the NOT opened the door.
Through the door came through YVQ*!GP defender of green fees and the rhythm method. Striding through, YVQ*!GP swung about the holy Pointy - Flag - Thing - Usually - in - a - Golf - Green - Hole and struck the Huge World. The world shivered, stars fell, and condoms lost integrity.
Salk mightily did not appreciate this uninvited guy coming in and mucking up his greens, as well as those neato stars. He also wondered what those Dark Lemming guys were doing since he'd been so nice as to bring them back to the World so they *could* in fact do something.
YVQ*!GP observed the Lemmings on the AstroTurf and was most displeased. Lo, not one divot did he see upon the greens. Yea, niblicks and putters were free of dirt and grass stains. Nowhere did YVQ*!GP not see the abominable AstroTurf.
A vision overcame YVG*!GP and it spoke. "Oh by the blessed sod, I see most curiously accoutered runners upon the AstroTurf. I see a most fell oblong bladder carried by one of these runners. Hark! I see injuries! By the 49 and the Bo, this must not be!"
YVG*!GP mightily shook its head. And from its head sprung forth the seeds of the Kentucky Blue and the Bermuda.
YVG*!GP saw that the seeds fell upon the most unfertile AstroTurf and lay there, wanting for nourishment. Turning to the Lemmings, it said "By the High and the Low, the ones of not the Par shall forever give unto the seeds!"
So it came to be that those who mocked the keepers of the greens fell upon all fours and changed most strangely. Two horns appeared on their heads, a long tail grew from their nether end, and most curious of all, they took upon the appearance of the singing Jersey Maids. A loud "Mooo!" was heard across the land followed by a "plop!"
Joggers! The first Sign of the End o' The Universe!
The Sage of Endless Axioms spake unto Havoc "Lo, the coming of the Runners Without Purpose is a Sign that the End is Nigh."
The Great Pterodactyl awoke from an unexpected nap, during which he dreamed some entity called the phone company had disconnected his telephone for no apparent reason. But the dream ended pleasantly as he convinced them to reconnect the device.
Looking about the nest atop his Great Hideaway, Ptero noticed tiny cracks seamed the two Great Eggs. The Eggs were hatching!!
The second Sign of the End o' The Universe!
"Soon they shall venture unto the star-grass and behold the Lemmings of MU. Then shall there be Stock Markets. And therefrom shall proceed CEOs, Leveraged Buyouts, Insider Tradering, Banking Scandals, Monopolistic Practices, and MultiNational PoliCorps. And in those hours shall Prophets foresee the Great Loss. And the MultiCorps shall bring forth Lobbyists, and Lobbyists shall bring forth Government."
"Then Shall the Doom of Creation be Truly Sealed."
And Some of the Lemmings began to consider how they might Jump without leaving their current Positions.
In the game room at the Abbey, Those lemmings were still playing Canasta. "Hey! Who put all these tarot Death cards in the deck?"
In Pterroland, a shell cracked open just enough to permit a metallic pincer to come out...
And some of the Lemmings in Pterroland climbed up to the Shell and tried to jump off the metallic Pincer. Some fell off the pincer INTO the egg.
"Wheeeeee!" *glomph* "Ack! Ptoo! Ptoo!"
In the Land of Eed, the teenagers ran about in confusion, for the place was a mess and Donnar Eed might return and then they'd be in Big Trouble..
"Donnar Eed asked me to bring you . . ." began Bifr, tripping over the Threshold of Death. Scrubbing Bubba dived for the lemming Casserole yet again, but slipped upon the Putrefied Remains and fell headfirst into the Casserole, whose contents splattered onto The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells, PhD (Under New Management).
And from this this seething Mass of filth and corruption, there arose: *UBERLEMMING*!
With the powers of Death and Corruption, the Might of Scrubbing Bubba, the Chaotic Disruption of Bifr the Hopeless, the wisdom of Donnar Eed, and the Sword of NOT (used in the casserole by Donnar Eed, who thought it NUTmeg).
*UBERLEMMING* screamed in rage and agony;
*I* SHALL NOT FALL, SAVE THAT THE WHOLE OF CREATION FALLS WITH ME!
The Walls of DeathLand Shattered, and now all on Huge World was subject to his power.
And Lemmings throughout creation screamed in Ecstacy and Terror.
(WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)
The Third Sign of the End o' The Universe!
And all of the Lemmings everywhere stopped their Jumping, so that they might be Certain of making their next Jump simultaneous with the *UBERLEMMING*.
And atop G.P.'s Hideaway in Pterroland, Ptero and Pterri looked at the metal pincer coming out of the egg. They looked at each other, confused.
Just then, the second egg hatched. And out came the Anti-UBERLEMMING!
Anti-UBERLEMMING screamed in joy and happiness;
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
And he jumped across Huge World, in the greatest jump ever made by a Lemming, to collide with the UBERLEMMING in stinky Deathland.
What would happen when the UBERLEMMING and Anti-UBERLEMMING collided? Would Huge World disappear in a Huge matter/anti-matter explosion? Could it be saved?
And some of the Lemmings on the Ground beneath Anti-UBERLEMMING tried to follow his Shadow so as to be present at the Collision between Anti-UBERLEMMING and the *UBERLEMMING*.
As the deadline neared, the Huge World started to waver and fade into myth.
"Now I know how Tyrone Slothrop felt!" shouted a Person of AGAR AGAR.
Salk felt a numbness in his extremities and, when slapping his hands together didn't help, he realized this was a sign of the coming End. Accordingly, he made sure all his followers had plenty of drugs, and the greens were nice and clean. Then he trotted off to his Final Hockey Game.
"Time, gentlemen, please!" rang the cry over all the hockey courses in Salk Land...
Havoc, wreaked no more, crept unto the bosons and varied their gravitational constant, raising it to levels unheard of. And all those things which had been cast out into the Void came crashing back onto Huge World.
Those which had been Lemmings went WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
And Crow gathered the Launch Codes from the noses of lemmings and Teenagers, and declared himself a Duly Constituted Command Authority.
Crow went unto an AGAR AGAR, crying *CAW*!
Then AGAR AGAR did duplicate Crow (twice).
And the Crows did cast the Launch Codes unto the nuclear weapons, who exploded in joy!
And *UBERLEMMING* and *UNTERLEMMING* (nee` Anti-*UBERLEMMING*) did crash together in mighty combat!
The players play deities and create the universe.
This game is designed for use on any online message system where message
threading is used.
Once you've decided to run the game, pick a date when you want it
to expire. Two weeks is a pretty good time limit for this bout of insanity.
Don't plan on getting a heck of a lot of real life stuff done during the
game. The Author ran the first one during a two week vacation.
The game starts when you post a message announcing it. Include the ending
date and time (remember to mention a time zone!) and the player rules (everything
below the title "Players") in the post. For people starting after the initial
posts have scrolled off, either point out this file in the libs or be ready
to repeat the rules.
You join the game by posting your first message, which will be a
reply to an already posted message. This is a description of your PC's birth
(typically from another immortal), or a tie-in to an event. (EG: "And from
that gaping gash in Redbug's gut springs Zeerpma, to whom all electric toasters
shall henceforth owe fealty!") No asking the Game Master -- you're in
automatically. In the event of two claimants to the same domain... Well,
we'll figure that out as we go along. (Note that this means that the first
player message will have to be the basis of the creation myth. Make it good.)
If nothing has been posted for a PC by that PC's player for more than
48 hours, anybody may take over the PC by posting an action. (Then the PC
is that player's until another 48 hour gap.)
The game ends abruptly at the date and time the GM indicates. Then all
the goings on will pass into legend and myth.
Initiating threads is one of the few prerogatives reserved for the Game
Master. ALL player messages must be posted as a reply to somebody else! If
your post is so long that it takes more than one message, split it up into
multiple messages and post them separately.
Events happen in the order of the message posts.
Any player may logically delete any message to or from him. On message
boards where actual deletion is not possible, it may be simulated with a
message identifying the deleted message. The actions in any deleted message
may disappear with an audible *pop*. Or they may not -- depending
on whether the players and GM notice. (No prohibitions on re-posting a
deleted message, but if it happens over and over for the same message, everybody
will probably think you're a jerk.)
... and that's it!
Back in Ought-Four, I indexed the graphics here in my
Gallery Omega
.
Here are thumbnails for many of the graphic files I've made and put on this site.
Okay, so I'm deliberately obscure. I've gone by the handle "just john" since 1989, when I joined Compuserve. There, I was a SysOp of various flavors on RockNet. I moderated events (that would now be called chats) with Neil Gaiman, John Doe and Exene of X, and Webb Wilder.
I also ran some text-based games on RPGAMES.
And I did a thing or two on other venues using that ID.
I moved to concentric.net in the late 1990s. Here's a Google Groups Archive of some posts.
Here's some of my music. In the past, I've had stuff on mp3.com, amp3.net and ampcast.com. Those things are now dead, or in the case of mp3.com, undead.
I've hung around in electronic music fora. It was me who came up with the slogan IF NOT MUSIKA, THEN WHEN!? and I submitted graphics and a bunch of my CDs for Sonic Wallpaper's first Electronic Lounge show.
Some other places I am, sometimes: LiveJournal, Diaspora, Google, Yahoo, Newsvine, DISQUS
(And there are others, but NOT Facebook or Twitter!)
Merchandise, with authentic jj-produced graphics!
The Glass Jaws collection -- shirts (including the stylish black hamyards one), coffee mug, mouse pads and battle shorts!
The Turbine Thrust Tests set -- shirts and coffee mugs and stuff commemorating the noise album
I don't have a Twitter account or a Facebook one. So everybody you encounter there is not me.
Also among the many other people I am not:
I'm not justj0hn, a subterranean scenester from New Jersey.
I'm not the Just John who used to post in rec.gambling.poker.
I'm not the Just John who recorded Rock'n'Roll in the 1950s and who now lives in Australia.
I'm not John Schneider, who snagged just-john.net, after I dropped ownership, along with just-john.org.
I'm neither this Myspace user nor this one.
I'm not this DJ from Kansas, but I really should send him some of my music.
I'm not a bar in St. Louis.
I'm not John Dunkle of SKYP who I only heard of because somebody from a DoJ IP address searched this site for "dunkle" and "SKYP" ... perhaps to keep tabs on ex-Operation Rescue types. (I have also never been associated with Operation Rescue, and generally support womens' rights.)
Oh, and I never watched the TV show Will & Grace, though I hear it was good.
Welcome! Here's my official home page, ingeniously designed to lure you into listening to my music and looking at my graphics, and maybe even reading something.
I'm many places on the net, including recent incursions into Google+, Tumblr, Diaspora, SoundCloud and even Newsvine, but I'm not on Facebook or Twitter. (I just don't like their attitudes.)
01:47am Apr 30, 1998 EST
I'd like to have a penny for every EMail sent on January 1, 2000 ... possibly January 2 ... assuming it's a business day. Ideally, the first Wednesday after January 1. Two things will happen: 1) people will want to know if they still have money, 2) people will want to find out how to get it back.
Whether it's tobacco, the millennium bug, alien invasion, or black helicopters, America is in a tiff about something. Why�does
it seem like everybody out there is mad about something? That there is some super-secret conspiracy going on out there? Why
is everybody so anxious?
The answer:�we have nothing else better to do. You see�my friends, liberals may have a�point in saying that things were easier
back in the Cold War when everything was clear. It�was the United States versus the Soviet Union. Democracy versus
Communism. Free Markets versus Command Economy. Evil versus Good . . . oh wait, that's the liberal mentality, let me get it
straight, Good versus Evil.
However, after the evil Ronald Reagan wiped out communism, we have not been able to direct our energy towards anything
truly meaningful. Liberals like to say that conservatives need�to create a bad guy in order to justify their positions in
international relations and military spending. Like about most things, liberals are wrong. Instead, we just need something to
focus our attention on. We need something important to do.
Sticking it to BIG tobacco is hardly significant. Getting into a conniption fit over the millennium bug isn't going to do it either -
for what do we do after 2000 comes�and we've solved the problem? No my friends, we need to get hysterical about something
else.
Sadly, I have no idea what to get hysterical about. Bill�Clinton and his bridge to the 21st century hasn't really amounted to
much. Sure, we can get mad about all his illegal activities, but when he's gone, what are�we going to get all worked up about
then?
If you have suggestions, please feel free to e-mail me, because without meaningful�hysteria, what am I to do? What are you to
do? What is America to do? What is the world to do? Oh no, I'm starting to get hysterical! Aaaahhhh!
petergsam:
There are many more forums at this site that would be far more appropriate for you to launch into a vague and pointless anti-liberal rant.
(pre-post-postmodern)
I'm less worried about the Y2K computer thing than I was fifteen years ago. I guess that puts me in the minority on both counts.
But I've been to the future -- every system I use had its clock bumped to various dates in 2000 -- and the majority of problems are cosmetic. In other words, the important, elapsed-time calculations are usually correct, and it's the screen display of the resulting data that messes up.
Also, I've seen that our financial institutions handle minor computer glitches every day. People simply get on the phone and iron out what the data should look like, and the files are manually tweaked to fit. So 1/1/2000 and the surrounding dates will just be a major version of that process.
One more thing that hasn't been covered to death: 2000 AD is a leap year. Don't forget to check your programs for that. (Some leap year algorithms are incorrect.)
Message 5
02:41pm Apr 30, 1998 EST
The true state of computer power is the FACT that computer systems are ONLY as good as the PEOPLE that use them. The Year 2000 problem will be problem only to people that DO NOT know how to use computer systems.
RLD
The reports of how Y2K will erase computer records,
stop elevators, make traffic lights go funny and so
fourth sounds like a load of crap. Unless the traffic
lights and elevators are programmed to respond to what
year it is (I don't know why they would be programmed to
keep track of the year in the first place), and computers
are programmed to automaticly erase records (and the
companies don't keep backups and hard copies), I don't
see much to be worried about. True, the Y2K bug may
cause some problems with record keeping, and slow
things down a bit, but I think reporters are hyping it,
just so they can boost ratings.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
anime43 :
I am sure you have not programmed firmware (duh ?) in the eighties. Many time
controlled appliances keeps track of time with a date component (to handle midnight and
beyond). A lot of such programs written in languages like Fortran, C, BASIC and
Assembler have used two digit years. So, when the time is 9912312359, what follows it
is anybody's guess.
In fact, least of the problems will be in the record keeping industry, where software is
scrutinizable and correctable. More problems will be in Firmware in a range of
appliances from Electric ovens, Elevators, Traffic signals and a whole bunch of
medical equipments (even critical cardiac equipments like pacemakers embedded in
human body). Nobody has a clue as to how to rectify the programs and replace the
chips in these appliances which will beat the number of automotive recalls of the entire
auto industry from the beginning of this century.
If I were you, I would remain home on 1 Jan, 2000 and never travel in a plane or get
admitted in a hospital (if I can help it).
(pre-post-postmodern)
Nobody has a clue as to how to rectify the programs and replace the chips in these appliances which will beat the number of automotive recalls of the entire auto industry from the beginning of this century.
"Nobody has a clue"?? Puh-leeeeze! I hope you're the only one in such awe of the powers of the designers of yesteryear.
The immediate workaround is simply to set the clock back. Do you or I care if a traffic light system thinks it's fourteen years ago?
Message 9
04:44pm May 1, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
(For those of you who may be wondering, 1972 had the same date-to-day-of-week layout as 2000. So set those hardwired devices back to 1972. If 2028 rolls around before they're fixed, set 'em back to 1972 again.)
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john :
Problem is not in correcting the code or changing the date in the internal clock. It is accessing the individual appliances, removing the specific chip and replacing it with a new one or changing the settings in the internal clock. Problem is, no one has got desktop access to these. You have to go to the field and do it and considering the number of such appliances and the budgets of municipalities and hospitals they just can't afford the kind of man-power to do it.
Take your puh-leeze and stuff it up ....
nhsrikanth-
:: in fact, least of the problems will be in
:: the record keeping industry, where software
:: is scrutinizable and correctable. More problems
:: will be in Firmware in a range of appliances
:: from Electric ovens, Elevators, Traffic signals
:: and a whole bunch of medical equipments (even
:: critical cardiac equipments like pacemakers
:: embedded in human body).
Why would a pacemaker need to keep track of the year? It's
simply a device that monitors, regulates, and sends signals to
the heart. I don't think anyone would make a pacemaker that
is designed to automaticly shut down at some specified time.
Message 12
10:26am May 4, 1998 EST
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john and anime43 :
If you don't understand firmware software, I haven't the time and interest to educate you. If you think everything will work like clock work on 1 Jan, 2000, GOOD LUCK...
(pre-post-postmodern)
If you don't understand firmware software, I haven't the time and interest to educate you. If you think everything will work like clock work on 1 Jan, 2000, GOOD LUCK...
In other words, you don't know enough to be able to back up your assertions in the face of intelligent questioning.
And, since you're going to be huddling in your cave for that day, how 'bout forwarding us your New Year's party invitations? (If you get any.)
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john:
I have been on firmwares more than five years and don't have to prove anything to anybody. If you think I am an ignorant moron, so be it.
I have no time to educate a somewhat layman anime43 or the willingness to counter a hostile and repulsive just-john.
BYE.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
OK, I will just put in this one post for anime43.
I agree with your question why a pace maker needs a date. Same question applies to a
whole lot of appliances I've mentioned. The problem is not debating if dates are needed
but in understanding that dates were used for convenient timing functions by a whole
lot of firmware programmers who thought they would never live to see (or at least
work in the same company) 2000. Note that, there were many conscientious
programmers who avoided dates and went for clock cycles to write timing functions.
But there were many reckless programmers who used the date where it was really not
necessary.
Part of my company business is in handling corrections of firmware for many reputed
appliance company and don't be surprised even if your electric shaver (which may
have about 2000 lines of C++ code) flunks on 1 Jan, 2000 - if you happen to have
bought it a couple of years back.
(pre-post-postmodern)
So, you're claiming that there's somebody to synchronize each and every shaver's clock to wall clock date/time as it marches off the production line, as opposed to having it default to some arbitraty date?
I find that rather hard to believe.
And without such synchronization, it just means each such device has an artificially limited life span, NOT that they'll all fail at once.
(Tho the "all fail at once" scare tactic is great for job security, eh?)
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john :
When something is in a production line things are automatic and mostly managed by robotic machines. What is incredible about synchronizing the time (nobody needs to set jumpers or twist knobs). When things were coming out of shop floor the date could have been set to 1 Jan, 1901 for all you care. BUT WERE THEY ? The logical choice was the then date and time (may be stupid in retrospect). And tell me, where you find a switch in your oven (even the microwave ones) that you can use to change its date (you can change time in microwaves) ? You can change the date only by changing or re-programming the clock chip. For a normal user that amounts to, If it flunks throw it away or file a claim with the manufacturer. That is about it.
I have more than thirty people in *my company* and Y2K is a small pie (only done for our existing customers). It is a small fry for us or may be we are small fries in the Y2K ocean. I don't have to whip up any paronia to get business (a whole lot of MIS gurus are doing a heck of a good job, though a bit late). When you finally decide to get a job (other than beta testing NYT forums) may be you can contact me. I will look at your resume without prejudice.
01:11pm May 4, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
When something is in a production line things are automatic and mostly managed by robotic machines.
Wow! What hi-tech termonology! My ears may start bleeding.
What is incredible about synchronizing the time
Because that task has to be planned ahead of time, and somebody in design would ask "Why are we bothering to set a system clock? That's just one more thing Quality Assurance can ding us on if it doesn't work right."
When you finally decide to get a job (other than beta testing NYT forums) may be you can contact me. I will look at your resume without prejudice.
You probably can't afford me. As a rule, I don't talk about my job online -- that's one of the reasons I use this handle -- but suffice it to say I've already spent plenty of time in 2000 and 2001.
01:37pm May 4, 1998 EST
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john:
Use some ear drops.
If only people were that diligent in design, we would'nt be talking about Y2K bug on the first place. QA may not catch it because it will work fine until 1999.
Affordability is more a question of whether you are worth it.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Well, it is kind of getting monotonous. If all you are interested is in trading barbs you can find posters of like interest in the Clinton forums.
BYE (This time it is final).
(pre-post-postmodern)
QA may not catch it because it will work fine until 1999.
If part of the manufacturing process includes setting the time, then any good QA shop will check if the time has been set correctly. The people designing the manufacturing process, in a sensible effort to reduce the number of possible failure points that QA can spot, will ask why the heck anybody needs to set a clock on a shaver.
The whole thing would be amusing if it weren't so serious.
It underlies the whole attitude of the human race towards the future.
Live for today, your paycheck, and don't worry about the future.
Now our collective chickens are coming home to roost.
The absurdity of a system that ever allowed two digits for a year
implies that at best, the captains of industry can't think beyond
99 years (or even 5 as some Microsoft products that are vulnerable were only written a few years ago) , and the fact that both government and the private sector permitted such reasoning and paid for it says volumes about out attitude towards future. generations.
The same attitude explains global warming, deforestation, and every other aspect of lack of foresight.
Message 23
01:17pm May 8, 1998 EST
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Just-john :
I will oblige you just once more.
You are talking about an "ideal" QA as against actual QA - we have come across a whole bunch of defective appliances and no "argument" of yours can beat the "reality" I have encountered.
You are in the QA testing a electric shaver. What would you do ? You sample a few, press the on button, test it against variety of simulated beard surfaces, make sure it gives a smooth shave, neither damages the "face" nor is damaged itself, run it for a length of time, drop it on the floor et. al. (durability test) and finally pass the batch if its meets the specified tolerance. Where in the hell would you, a QA person, get the opportunity to open up the piece, analyze the circuitry and reset the date ? You may not even know there is a clock chip inside the shaver. So, a design error that was made can and will escape QA unless it causes a visible defect at the time of QA. That is the whole problem with firm ware.
In an ideal world of software development there would not be a Y2K bug but Designers and Testers are human too (noflik hits the nail on the head).
02:04pm May 8, 1998 EST
I'm having some difficulty understanding the purpose of discussing the millennium bug in a forum like this. If participants can't get beyond debating the existence of the problem, then the forum serves only to further alienate the generalized individual with specialized skills. Those who recognize the diffuse and, therefore, intractable nature of the Y2K bug can't communicate their perspective to people outside the bug resolution sphere.
Take, for example, the back and forth between NHRIKANTH and JUST JOHN concerning the effect of 1/1/2000 on an electric razor. NH says an imbedded timing chip may disrupt the razor's functionality. JJ says that a quality assurance entity within the razor company would prevent such a faulty razor from leaving the plant.
What JJ needs to realize is that someone like NH is the quality assurance entity, that the razor company must expend resources that might have been applied elsewhere to retain NH, and that there are a million razors that went to market before NH got there. Those razors will have to be replaced at cost to somebody. And if it isn't razors, then its automobiles; if not automobiles, then its mutual fund trading accounts.
I guess my point is that correcting the Y2K bug will eat tons of money, resources that might have saved or invested for future return. I think a more interesting discussion is whether or not resources spent on bug correction are a deadweight societal loss. Are doomsayers neglecting the potential return of correcting the bug e.g. human capital gains?
(pre-post-postmodern)
I will oblige you just once more.
Oh, gee. You come in and start by insulting the people already here, and then promise several times to leave. No wonder I love you so much.
You are in the QA testing a electric shaver.
No, I'm in the QA testing the production line process for manufacturing an electric shaver. Big difference. I see step N: "Set clock". I either make sure that a process is in place to verify that the clock has been set, or I save the company some cash by realizing the setting of the clock is not needed.
(pre-post-postmodern)
As far as fixing software goes, I bet I'm not telling you anything new when I say that both off-the-shelf software makers and service providers with their own development shops are constantly changing their products. (For example, the forum software we're using right now.) In these environments, folding in Y2K fixes is not a difficult or wildly time-consuming thing.
Finding the bugs and then later verifying that they've been fixed -- those are the bigger challenges.
But then again, I'm not one of the doomsayers. In my view, the first few months of 2000 AD will feel like half the business you deal with have re-arranged their office furniture and temporary misplaced some files.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john:
You can argue all you want, but,
We have come across a
whole bunch of defective appliances (from some reputed manufacturers) and no "argument" of yours can beat the "reality"
we have encountered and experienced.
Message 28
04:00pm May 8, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
Let's see... First you claim they'll break on 1/1/2000, but then you say:
When things were coming out of shop floor the date could have been set to 1 Jan, 1901 for all you care. BUT WERE THEY ?
That's the difference between two unique situations -- if the clocks aren't in synch, then each product has the same interval to the problematic internal date. If not, the problem date is a specific wall-clock date. That makes a huge difference in how to deal with the problem.
In the first scenario, since the possible problem happens over a span of wall-clock time, you might save money in repairs with those products built modularly enough to permit a board swap. Take the board bearing the problem chip and ship it off to have the chip replaced. But meanwhile, you replace the board with one whose chip has already been replaced. (If the product's out of warranty, you can make some money doing this as a third-party operation.)
That's a whole lot different from having to cope with the whole product line screwing up at the same time, which is why knowing how (or if) the clocks were set in the first place is important.
So if you're in such a vital place in the operation, why don't you know? You have access to the manufacturer, right? The manufacturer knows how they make things, right? You should be able to say, one way or the other. And they should be able to shape their public information and/or recall operations accordingly.
If the chip maker isn't willing to fess up to the manufacturer, that's another matter. If it's a real case of that sort of perfidy, then you're obligated to aim your boldfaced type in the direction of someone who needs to know -- somebody specific.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
just-john:
What is your point ?
Is it that the ALL appliances won't fail in the mid-night of 31-DEC-1999 ? Agreed. But most stand a chance of failing in the vicinity of 1-JAN-2000 and if you think of the failure rate as a normal (bell) curve, the peak will be around 1-JAN-2000.
My advice was, "it is better to be safe than sorry". Don't want to take it ? Of course, It is a free world.
Message 30
04:33pm May 8, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
Is it that the ALL appliances won't fail in the mid-night of 31-DEC-1999 ? Agreed.
(Of course, I assume you mean "ALL appliances afflicted with this chip problem." (Most of my major appliances were made in the sixties and seventies, or in the mid-to-late nineties. The ones from the eighties broke already. Hmmmm.))
and if you think of the failure rate as a normal (bell) curve,
For the individual products that weren't synchronized at birth, the failure would tend to parallel the rate of production.
But anyway, the notion of an increase in failures around a specific point in time is psychologically a lot different from a mass failure within a one day period. I've had months where three appliances died, and I've survived. Stuff breaks. (Especially stuff manufactured in the eighties, it seems. I hadn't realized the eighties bit until I gave it some thought in the past few days. Pow! One VCR after another! Perhaps none of the products in question will even survive to experience a Y2K screwup?)
So, is anybody going to publish a list of the doomed products?
Message 31
05:55am May 9, 1998 EST
for more information on this topic I have foundthese sites useful:http://www.year2000.com (especially the newspaperarticle links)http://www.garynorth.com (possible worst case scenarios)http://www.y2kchaos.com (just what it says) there are many more, but that's a good start
tkight:
Just subscribed to NYT and since I'm just learning about Y2K in depth (unfortunately), I appreciated your low-key, but powerful, introduction of some VERY informative sites (after scanning the somewhat pedantic dialogue here over whose microwave oven or shaver will or won't work!)
Give me a break! The 'experts' are already online reporting that we will no DOUBT be without POWER -- so who cares about an appliance! And it won't be for just a day (a month? a year?) A generator might not be a bad option, guys--and while we're at it, might be a good idea to stock up on some cornflakes and powdered milk -- don't know what we'll do for water though. At least not in the 'city'.
There are some pret-ty knowledgeable people out there who are hoping for the best but preparing for the worst -- apparently it could be a LOT worse than anyone has imagined.
When economists speak of the costs of resolving the Y2K bug, to what exactly are they referring? I've heard quotes of $300 billion, $500 billion, 5% GDP, and approximately equal to the Asian financial market fall out. Are these figures representative of costs incurred by firms and gov't agencies in their efforts to resolve the bug? Or are they estimations of losses due to system failures as a result of the bug? Or are they a combination of the two?
09:06am May 12, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
Give me a break! The 'experts' are already online reporting that we will no DOUBT be without POWER
Well, putting "experts" within quotation marks is a good start.
Do you think the power industry isn't checking their stuff, to see if there are any built-in problems, and to correct these problems ahead of time? Why not call your power company directly and ask them about their readiness?
The people who are panicking are professional panickers. The people in the trenches working on solutions make for less sensational reading, but sensationalism isn't their job.
"What does the Y2K bug say about our increasing reliance on technology?"
Looking at this question, I realize why this forum has so few participants. Indeed, contemporary society is utterly dependent on technology. It consumes goods and services at levels attainable only with the automation and efficiency allowed by current technology. So what? Are we anymore dependent on computers than the earliest humans on fire, than stone-agers on the wheel?
Technological advance is inevitable and unstoppable. It is to be expected that some percentage of computer systems and electric gadgetry will fail on 1/1/00. To analogize, a rain extinguishes those cook fires that were not covered. The world will incur a sizeable, but one-time charge to sort out the mess. Then, it will be business as usual. Humans are just too darn crafty for it to be anyway else.
SAVE A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY. When the clock ticks to 2000 tick it up to 2001 and we'll all just pretend the y2k was a great year and move on!
Message 37
05:46pm May 13, 1998 EST
Buy a Mac and stop worrying.
Anyone who thinks Computer People are smart should consider the lack of forethought that created this topic. And the greed of CEOs like Gates et al that perhaps knowingly encouraged this built in flaw knowing it would further require their services.
It may seem incomprehensible to the public but the y2k problem just happened. It was not greed, or Machevialian cunning, mostly it was just management ignorance. You say how could anyone be that stupid. Simple. The priority of the day in most companies is to resolve current issues. That is how you survive as an executive. How could they possibly understand that a two digit date could be the biggest computer virus of all time? They couldn't given their focus and background.
It is clear from comments here and elsewhere that some still do not believe y2k to be the ultimate show stopper. We still have 19 months to ameliorate the most critical consequences of this problem.
wend5 5/14/98 8:09am
Y2K can't be much of a problem. Steven Speilberg hasn't made a movie about it.
(pre-post-postmodern)
It is clear from comments here and elsewhere that some still do not believe y2k to be the ultimate show stopper. We still have 19 months to ameliorate the most critical consequences of this problem.
And that's in addition to the years we spent on it before the press finally understood it and made it a trendy story.
Michael Silverton
SMART Letter #6 - May 10, 1998 For Friends and Enemies of the Stupid Network Copyright 1998 by David S. Isenberg This document may be redistributed provided that the 11 lines containing this notice accompany it. isen@isen.com -- http://www.isen.com/ -- 1-888-isen-com It takes SMART people to design a Stupid Network
The Viagra economy of 1998 makes it easy to ignore the Year 2000
Problem. Yet there is reason to surmise that we have passed the
point of no return -- that we are likely to have serious systems
failures as we transition to the Year 2000.
How serious? We don't know.
Some of these are likely to be of the expected,
first order variety -- bank screw-ups, supply chain problems,
air traffic control delays, etc. -- but we might also experience
emergent, higher-order unravelings, with consequences that could
be economic, social, medical, geopolitical.
On the other hand, we might *not* experience such emergent,
society-shaking consequences -- and I *hope* not -- but contingency
thinking today beats being surprised and unprepared tomorrow.
Complex adaptive systems - such as ecologies or markets - rarely
progress in a smooth linear fashion for long. The space folds. If there are too many rabbits, suddenly coyotes appear. Virulent strains of disease course through populations, decimating their host until resistant individuals meet weaker strains of disease to establish a new dynamic balance. Markets feed on their own enthusiasm, bubble and burst, then "correct" and regain temporary, perhaps illusory stability.
Yet we have progressed, apparently smoothly, from a world of isolated
8 kilobyte machines to a gigalink society, a network of pervasively
networked networks, whose methods and meanings are emerging faster
than we can discover them - let alone understand their implications.
Moore's Law was a wild card. Nobody planned how the individually
hand-crafted computer programs of the 1970s would acrete to form the
Just-in-Time Economy that supports today's industrialized world.
We who wrote Fortran in that era are surprised that our morsels of
kludgey code, painstakingly crafted to use expensive memory with utmost efficiency, would still be running today.
The Year 2000 Problem is born of well understood, widely accepted, once omnipresent programming practices that were established when memory was expensive. (Remember how we named a variable D instead of DAY, or S rather than SUM, to save memory? I do.)
Memory got cheap, but the code we wrote is still running.
Thus, the Y2K problem is widely sown in older code.
Often it appears in mutated, hard to recognize patterns. Or in
systems that are three miles under the ocean or 300 miles out in space.
It is easy to overlook, ignore, and minimize the disruptive potential
of the Y2K Problem. I was reminded how easy Y2K is to deny when the
May 4, 1998 issue of the new, otherwise technologically savvy webzine,
The Industry Standard (http://www.industrystandard.net/) scoffed that
Y2K was being over-hyped by greedy, scare-mongering consultants.
Why so easy? A few reasons. In isolation, it is supremely boring
whether the year is a 2-digit or 4-digit field. And nobody likes to
dwell on bad news, especially in good times. And facts about Y2K, when you can find them, are either boring and technical, or overly dramatized and, indeed, over-hyped. And good observations on the emergent, systemic nature of the problem are difficult to find. And sometimes known facts are actively suppressed by good people who fear litigation.
So here are some observations:
Observation #1: PEOPLE WHO KNOW MORE BECOME
(pre-post-postmodern)
Observation #1: PEOPLE WHO KNOW MORE BECOME
Gee, that's a very spiritual message of transcendence you're hinting at there, but don't forget, knowledge is not wisdom (just as information isn't knowledge.)
just_john:
I didn't know you were a Zappa fan.
(pre-post-postmodern)
I am -- I even have a tape of me covering "Let's Make the Water Turn Black" -- but I'm not sure what I paraphrased originated with him.
12:19pm May 15, 1998 EST
for just_john and anyone else who's wondering:
"Information is not knowledge,
Knowledge is not wisdom,
Wisdom is not truth,
Truth is not beauty,
Beauty is not love,
Love is not music,
Music is the best...."
- Frank Zappa (from the song "Packard Goose" - Joe's Garage Act III - 1979)
Whether these words originated somewhere else, I don't know.
Sorry for the waste of bandwidth, folks, but then again this forum is pretty dead, anyway.
The year 2000 will be less determined by the failure of technology
than by the deteministic nature of man. I think we are all indulging
in magical thinking that will prove to be more destructive than any
two-bit computer chip, or whatever number of bits the chip happens to
consist of. For example it is inevitable that there will be, from my point of view, a morbid push to a 10,000 dow with all the accompanying
hoopla. This will ultimately prove to be more devastating to our economy than the faultering computer systems. We already survive major screw-ups in this area everyday. A number of companies like ATT are
engaging in de-techology, limited though it may be at this time, because of the waste and arrogance inherent in some of these applications.
Perhaps in the end if the computers do fail, it won't be so much the
fault of the computer as the underlying wish of humanity to come up
with a convincing argument to finally purge it from the face of the earth.
As we once again sing, "Let the good times roll".
Tell me, is anyone more boring than Bill Gates? That's it, I've had it, I'm switching to the Yankee game. This is driving me mad!
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
The failed satellite (bringing down the Pagers) should have given a taste of what could be in store on Year 2000.
(pre-post-postmodern)
Yikes. We agree on something.
Note how the business and social worlds rose to work around the problem.
"The failed satellite (bringing down the Pagers) should have given a taste of what could be in store on Year 2000. "
And yet, we all still survived, in fact, it didn't bother me one bit. So much for Armageddon.
just-john,
You are,
(a) Really dumb
(b) Trial Lawyer
(c) Both
Choose one.
(pre-post-postmodern)
How informative!
(Hmmm.. Is this billable?)
Message 53
01:10am May 29, 1998 EST
da millenium is commin dats when its time fo da new Wu Order
Grab yo steel its gonna get nasty
You know, those 13 Communist China nuclear-tipped ICBM's that are aimed at the U.S.
Our own DoD is urgently reviewing the software systems that manage our launch-capable nuclear ICBM's, but are you confident about the Chinese efforts with their 18 missiles, 13 of which are targeted at America's children, minorities, women, and other vulnerable groups?
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Ask just-john.
Message 56
03:24am May 30, 1998 EST
In reference to the New York Times editorial of May 28, 1998 ("The Millennium Bug"), they should be reminded that, almost exactly ten years ago, they ran an article (May 7, 1988) entitled: "For Computers, the Year 2000 May Prove a Bit Traumatic," by Barnaby J. Feder.
How can they now say that "...no one saw the millennium coming until it was just this close? [which is the last line of their editorial]"
Mark I. Wolk, CPA ASA
130 Seventh Street
Pittsburgh, PA 15222
It's too late for full remediation now and time for a fallback position.
See http://2000.jbaworld.com/harlan/smcp.htm
Not wonderful, but perhaps the best we can do at this late date.
Harlan Smith
A number of promising techniques for fixing the date fields have been developed. Many cannot cope within the complexity of large legacy systems. Wholesale reengineering is needed and few techniques work for that.
One technique that seems to work better than most (if not all) others in a legacy system is applied by a subsidiary of the Zitel Company. It has been adopted for the National Institutes for Health by Frank Carlucci's company Federal Data Corp. NIH is one of the federal agencies with a good info system track record. Can anyone recommend any services besides Zitel?
If old systems are not to be reengineered but, instead, new systems are to replace them, we will face a different sort of difficulty.
New systems rarely produce exactly the same results as the big old system: customer bills will change in inexplicable ways, product and service deliveries may differ, new management reports won't be comparable with old reports, archive data may be totally lost, etc. Customers won't be happy, managers will be at sea and the regulators will be stirred up. The year 2000 will probably force us to tolerate such disruption because the alternative will be a stop to day-to-day business in general.
Maybe this is too alarmist, but a little planning (a food and water stockpile, portable radio, etc., just like earthquake preparation) won't hurt and it might help a lot. History never exactly repeats itself, so this millenium will be different from the last one. It may still be a hum-dinger.
If Y2K becomes a media sensation like El Nino, we can be sure that the general public will be scared out of their wits and panic. There are solutions out there, but solutions won't make the media establishments any money. I bet none of them would cover a small software company with a fast, inexpensive and reliable Y2K Cobol solution even if they were giving a demo away!
The company in question is called NetVital. The product is called
Year2000.exe, and they have an excellent white paper as well as a
fully functional demo for download at
http://www.netvital.com/products/2000_index.html/
jabaram....forget media hype...forget year2000.exe PC's don't run banks, utilities, and the DoD. Contingency planning is a must consider for both individuals and communities. How many days can your public water works operate under emergency power?? Tg
(pre-post-postmodern)
.. and banks and public utilities and other infrastructure institutions are quietly working on (or have already solved) the problem. The reason you don't hear the people in the trenches talking about this much is that they're contractually required to let their public information departments do the talking.
02:47pm Jun 5, 1998 EST
A friend's wife is terribly distraught because she thinks civilization will crumble and we will have to grow our own food or die. I figure that most of us would die. I can't grow weeds. But apparently many people are deathly afraid of some sort of Y2K disaster. Personally I don't think so.
Have you heard of any of these catastrophes?
(pre-post-postmodern)
There are some whose panic is based upon a fear of "The Millenium" that predated public discussion of this computer thing. They're talking literally Biblical stuff -- Antichrist(s), Second Comings, etc.
There's a "Talk-2000" discussion list and Web site (I wish I had the URL handy, because "talk" and "2000" are such common things to search on.) Anyway, they act as a clearinghouse for a lot of Millenium stories, including discussions of that happened around 1000 AD.
One of the governments biggest and most susceptible agency's, the IRS missed a golden opportunity to solve two problems. The year 2000 and the complex IRS code. If we had any compentent leadership in this country, they should of considered a simpler tax code along with purchasing all new computers. Then starting January 1st. 1999 all tax returns could of went on the new computers. With a simplified tax code, the programing would of been minimum. Not with government thinking though. They spent $6 billion trying to upgrade the current monstrosity,and acheived nothing.The IRS lost $20 billion from fraud when they came out with the rapid refund, because they had no way to verify the return. All the $millions/billions spent by the IRS/government to solve 2000 in the current tax code is lost money.
If they would of bought new computers and programed them with a simpler tax code, billinos of $ could of been saved. Just leave the unresolved stuff on the existing system.
The current approach is what you get when your not spending your money and you can't be fired.Congress shows absoulty no leadership.
Message 65
12:02pm Jun 9, 1998 EST
The Y2K scare is the biggest hoax of the decade.
Not only is it the biggest hoax of the decade, but why are we still using twenty year old systems to run our lives? COBOL has been a DEAD language for years because of its obfuscated code. Why do so many places still run old programs designed under it? This also presents a good case for the open source code people (like me ;). If the sources were available, conversion would be a simple matter. I personally think this is a good time to start getting up to date software.
Is the 2k year the last year of the XX century or the first one of XXI?
My opinion is that the first statement is the correct; there wasn't any year "0", the first year of the first millenium was the year "1", so, the year 2000 is just the last to complete the second millenium.
Is this correct? Many people arround the world is happy waiting for year 2000 as the new millenium; for me, they're whrong.
Alex, Costa Rica
linux5:
Not only is it the biggest hoax of the decade, but why are we still using twenty year old systems to run our lives? COBOL has been a DEAD language for years
Back around the early 1980s, the IRS had replace their computer systems. All code was written in assembly on Burroughs or Sperry machines. The decision was to purchase new machines of the same manufacturer, and recode all programs. A major Japanese company (Hitachi?) submitted the best bid. But since the nonsense called "Buy American" was so entrenched, the IRS purchased Sperry computers (before Unisys was created). The IRS's own consultants said that the Sperry equipment would require a additional 50% of the original purchase. The consultants were correct.
So the IRS started reprogramming. The rule was that all new code must work exactly as the old machine coded programs did (any doubt as to why a Year 2000 problem would continue?). This was an easy decision for management who did not come from where the work gets done. All machine code programmers were retaught a new high level language - COBOL.
Of course we know that COBOL requires more memory and creates larger programs. No problem. The IRS management solved that problem by purchasing more hardware from Sperry. No matter that Cobol was a terrible language to build new programs with in 1980s. The IRS proceded on.
85% of all problems are directly traceable to top management. The standard procedure is to enter 100 returns in a batch job. That was how the old programs ran. If the program discovered any errors in any of those 100 returns, then all 100 returns were rejected - a human had to study the pile of 100 to locate the failure - a typo or a taxpayer created problem.
As returns backed up, management then blamed employees. Many returns were discovered in the dumpsters - one way to report that all forms were being processed on schedule. This way the real source of the problem - top management - could not attack employees for the problems.
With top management this myopic, you then want them to plan for a Year 2000 problem? Wherever the Year 2000 problem occurs, the top management should be fired for incompetance. That is why the problem exists in isolated situations. If top management rewrites all their code in COBOL, then you know where the enemy of the operation is entrenched - probably with big salaries because they have Masters of Business Degrees.
Hoax or Hype? Check out www.garynorth.com That is the center of the
cyclone on the web for info on Y2K. Also, new book by Jason Kelly called Y2K-It Already is too late. just came out. Hoax or Hype,
Fact or fiction? I don't know, but if I have to trust the government,
I am getting increasingly worried about it, and only 560+ days to go.
I can't believe there is nothing in today's NY Times about the
Senate hearings on y2k and the power grid! This probem could be
one of the largest we'll ever face in our life time and its not on
the front page; its not even burried in the back pages.
What's going on? RAP
From beyond the grave: "Turning and turning in the widening gyre
the falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the center
cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
Surely some revelation or fix is at hand.....
The Irish poet Yeats recognized it a half century ago and gave
us this foreboding vision.
The y2k will yield to the 666!!
Ya heard it from this old Georgia boy! They ain't gonna be able to "Fix It " without Bill Gates hep ! I can hardly wait for Janet Reno to call him 4 "HEP" -- Y'all come, Heah .-LOL
The year 2000 bug is a programming problem nothing else. It is not the end of the world and it is not a vast conspiracy. Unfortunatly solving it is one of the dullest things one can do with a computer and so to get good programmers to work on it companies will have to pay them a lot of money.
03:14am Jun 15, 1998 EST
In computer programing the digits start with zero. Ten digits
are 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. The zero is indeed a digit and the first
item of ten items. How can zero be the last item in a decimal
based counting system? Are you a republican?
hifries 6/13/98 3:57pm
What in the hell does bill gates have to with y2k? What does
gates have to do with desktop computers real time clocks?
With the clocks in imbedded systems?
What does gates have to do with a motherboards cmos bios?
All gates does is refine other people's software. I don't doubt
that you are from georgia, you people elected newt gingrich.
to woosleyPaddington: the one who started his or her life in year cero of his or her own calendar, the one who after living 12 months was just cero years old. I was talking in general, or the life is limited to computer programing? In that case lets talk about year 11010000. No I'm not republican, are you?
Brooklyn Girl
Don't forget that sometimes mere pc users cause their own Y2K gliches. Before the turn, make sure that yourselves and any employees or employers you might have check their spreadsheets and databases to make sure that the dates in them are specified with 4 digits (e.g. dd/mm/yyyy) or if they are not, that it won't cause any problems. Simple example, does your access database tell you when to send Birthday Cards? If your Windows clock flips to 2000 and your database says that a card should be sent in January of 1900, your life will be affected! Check it out.
Message 77
05:37pm Jun 16, 1998 EST
>Ya heard it from this old Georgia boy! They ain't gonna be able to "Fix It " without Bill Gates hep ! I can hardly wait for Janet Reno to call him 4 "HEP" -- Y'all come, Heah .-LOL<<
Bill knows the answer is to BUY MACINTOSH maybe thats one reason Office 98 has been available for Mac for a few months, but the Winblows version isn't even on the radar screen. Maybe even Bill doesn't expect Winblows to last past 2K
> All gates does is refine other people's software.<<
What dictionary defines "refining" as stealing ideas and implementing them in a buggy and inefficient fashion?
09:20am Jun 17, 1998 EST
The y2k phenomenon scares.
I recently watched CSPAN on presentation
at American Enterprise Institute.
Senator Robert Bennett of
Utah and others' speeches are quite alarmist.
I am aware of
what Gary North is doomsdayly
saying. He is advocating survivalist stuff.
Ed Yardeni, respected Wall Street
prognosticator, predicts recession at a minimum.
Supposedly the Asian
countries aren't doing much.
The interconnectedness or interdependencies of systems makes nearly everything
vulnerable.
TIME Magazine has a relatively upbeat anti-fear of y2k
article. But TIME writes the U.S. govt--most of its
agencies--is the least
prepared.
A scenario from TIME is that at the stroke of
midnite, some computers would be over-rode.
TIME says utility companies are particularly adaptive.
For me, TIME is not as persuasive as is Gary North.
Y2k ought to become an openly discussed public issue.
Maximal attention is warranted.
The very fact that this forum is so-far so-small, seems to be proof that the mainstream media isn't giving it doesn't want to talk about it .....or they don't realize the far-reaching implications. Yes, Gary North's website is the best.<www.garynorth.com>. vandelay, though he y2k bug may not have been a NWO conspiacy(though I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it as such), you can bet your boots that they will surley take full advantage of it. This is no small problem.
Dear Folks
If you want to see upwards of a hundred postings a day go to comp.software.year-2000 and misc.survivalism. Please note that there are lot of highly caffeinated opinions there but the more I read the more I concede that something big will probably happen in 2000.
Gene Kimzey
The Y2k problem is a fake problem, it is a conspiracy of computer
industry and programming professionals to create fear in this contry
and the world so that they can get extra investment and employment
and boost their income.
The truth is, most of system's working does not depend on which year
they are in, and most systems aren't entirely automated now anyway
(at least with human supervision), the only major system that is affected is the bank and financial system because these depends on interest rates. However, the banks computer system is actually constantly changing, there are actually not so many old hardware and
software in use anyway. So the only thing need to be changed is
the data, but changing them is not difficult.
Don't be scared, the world will live on.
The only organization in serious year 2000 trouble is the IRS and that may not be a bad thing.
03:11am Jun 22, 1998 EST
I saw that show on c-span2. It was absurd. Some nutso right wing
republican senator prediciting the end of the known galaxy, if the
senate didn't approve a plan of letting a vast migration of indian
and pakastani programmers flood the market, working for one-third
the wages of US programmers to fix the end of the universe y2k
bug. These guys will do anything to lower wages of american
workers and make more profit. The american enterprise institute
is the equivalent of a right wing advocacy group. This is the most
overblown non-crisis is world history. The only problem is with some 4 and 8bit imbeded chips that might shut down if they periodically
test themselves for recent diagnostics and decide that they haven't
been checked for 99 years. How many power grids depend on a 4bit chip?
If they do, you should find out the company who uses them, march the
managers outside, blindfold them..............
Each of us could name dozens of problems and potential
problems about various phenomena.
If one truly contemplates all of
one's fears, one would feel ennui, helplessness & hopelessness,
and post pessimistic scenarios on nytimes forum.
The sky is eventually going to fall. Eventually a deliberate
or errant act of war or terrorism will occur.
Eventually a
natural astronomical, climatological, biological, ecological,
geological
et cetera catasrophe(s) is inevitable.
New viruses and mutating bugs aren't going away: Flu,
Mad Cow, ebola, AIDS, hepatitis, e coli, et cetera ad morte tout
le monde fini.
Everybody dies in the end.
Speilberg movie could be made about any of above, including
destruction of Florida from fires. Harrisson Ford &
Helen Hunt won't be there
to save us in real life, however.
Why can't they rig instant above-ground piping or many hoses, pump H2O
from the ocean and Gulf of Mexico, and massively
spray the wild
fires?
Wait: there's a point to this:
Jay Barbary on MSNBC says the fires are Mother Nature's
way to deal with the ecological balance, like the Yellowstone fires
rationale of a coupla years ago, which appears to have
proven-out.
Is there any comparative assertion to be made about the
ominous y2k?
There have got to be some side effect benefits.
Re: Excuse for importing of more Pakistini and
Indian programmers.
I would not deny y2k provides a convenient reason, though cannot thus
slough-off y2k. The Bennett speech seemed to me to be
prudent, moderate, convincing, reasonable, responsible,
in the public interest, and in good faith--as were the
other speakers.
Easy Prediction: There will be many more people posting to nyt forum topic about y2k.
The headlines are not yet bold enuff, and the public is still
relatively uninformed.
I recently had the opportunity to ask a high level programer and cryptologist at a large Connecticut insurance company if this whole Y2K thing wasn't being blown out of proportion by the paranoid, technophobic, general public and crisis-hungry media.
Her reply was "Long before the stroke of midnight I'll have all my assets in cash and diamonds".....spooky.
Sam Dushkin
About a week before the millenium change, withdraw cash from your atm,
if you live in the north get a kerosene heater with fuel for about
a week or so, and most importantly GET ALL of your prescription
medicine refilled. DO NOT wait until the last day. It also wouldn't
be a bad idea to stock up on two weeks worth of groceries. If your
local pharmacy and/or supermarket doesn't experience problems (which is very unlikely), it won't make any difference, but if they DO, it
might save you a lot of misery.
I now bring to your attention an opinion article that was in the editorial pages of the WALL STREET JOURNAL
a week or so ago by a Mr. Bernstein. He says
that puter-savy terrorists may
opportunistically saboutage & wreak havoc deliberately:
The downfall of civilization by-way-of insidious viruses
and traps. Programmers whom despise whatever they may despise
might be fowling (fouling?) even as I write this paranoiac
note.
The Millenium could become a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.
There are fanatics & nuts, religious & secular, who have varied
scores to settle.
Tragically:
Mankind is the Balkans Peoples. Revengefulness
and neo-barbarianism can be meted-out via labor-saving
contraptions. Ahhh. Perhaps neo-Luddite programmers a la the Unibomber
... .
Big Bad Bug......... The Y2K bug is mean. And ugly. And one mother of a problem.Do this do that and what have you got? Jan. 1 2000 will tell the story(if there's one to tell). Oh what a mess!!!...... Help me Mr. Wizard,help me Mr. Wizard........"
Message 89
10:28am Jun 28, 1998 EST
Somehow this year 2000 bug has played into the hands of all kinds of assorted nuts, none of whom knows anything about computers or computer programming. The fear simply plays into their preconceived fears paranoia and hatred.
(pre-post-postmodern)
... and meanwhile, the people actually working on the problem (such as it is) are prevented from talking publicly about the specifics by their companies' non-disclosure agreements ...
You don't have to be a computer programmer to be able to discuss the Y2K bug.Research the various websites pertaining to this issue and you'll soon see that there are many concerned people.Nobody really knows the end result ramifications of this bug but you can bet that its starting to become a top priority issue in the business world.Its too bad this bug wasn't disposed of years ago because now with this looming sense of urgency it just makes the future seem a bit more complicated.
08:26am Jun 30, 1998 EST
Even had we not invented computers we would still have the Y2K problem (although we would not call it that). Because I am in the business I have begun to notice all of the other places this "bug" has been embedded in our lives. I just filled out the NJ required health insurance form which has no place for 4 digit years even in the birthdays (which of course have extended across the 1900 boundary since insurance forms were invented). This one, at least, is not the fault of us programmers - just normal bureaucrats "saving" paper. Of course I can force the NJ form by writting "1983" real tiny in the space for the year of my son's birth. Equivalent programming tricks which are being applied today will work just about as well.
The most frightening thing about the Y2K bug is that it has the potential to infiltrate into nearly every aspect of our daily lives, damaging every industry in our world from shipping to electrical power generation.
The fact is, our world has become so technology reliant that we have built ourself into a corner. If the technology fails, then there is no plan B. Every industry is reliant on another industry to provide needed resources. For example, the electric power industry is reliant on the rail and shipping industries to provide shipments of coal and other natural resources for energy production. Due to Just-In-Time thinking, most power generating stations only have a few weeks worth of needed supplies on hand. On the other hand, the rail and shipping insdustries rely on the electrical power they receive to power their scheduling systems and their warehouse inventory control systems. If one industry fails, the dominoes will begin to fall.
The GM strike is a perfect example of how Y2K may affect businesses on a global scale. The walkout in Flint, MI, has affected all but 3 (last I heard) production facilities in Northern America - 2 in Nashville and 1 in Canada, putting close to 300,000 GM employees out of work.
The potential for the impact of Y2K is tremendous.
Randy Guidry
Managing Editor, Y2K News Magazine
randy@y2knews.com
http://www.y2knews.com
There is a cure for the 2000 bug. It is called "2000 Compliance Pro!"
I recently found out about a small company in Florida who has developed this piece of software which not only fixes the software problem but the hardware problem too. Visit thier web site www.computer-people.com! They have entire page dedicated to telling how the software works and how much it costs!
Message 95
11:35am Jul 1, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
Well, gosh! I guess we can close the forum and replace it with that announcement!
If everyone panics, withdraws their money, and holes up, we are going to have a real big mess. But if we stop thinking about ourselves, and make a consious effort to help, we won't have a hard time at all. However, I doubt that most people will bother to help anyone else. This is because human nature is greedy and selfcentered. We are not going to live in the same world after 2000. Hopefully it will still be livable, but most likely, the world will be reduced to a chaos that it will not rise from for quite some time.
nfgaida@csbsju.edu
"We are not going to live in the same world after 2000. Hopefully it will still be livable, but most likely, the world will be reduced to a chaos that it will not rise from for quite some time."
Y2K - potentially damaging technological problem OR convenient platform on which to project crackpot fin-de-siecle Doomday predictions? You decide.
After much studying of the Y2K problem from a wide variety of sources I am quite convinced we are headed for drastic difficulties ahead. But unlike most people who believe that in the face of this dilemma all the worst aspects of society will instantly come to the surface and humankind will turn in on itself and self-destruct, I tend to believe that our society and other societies will pull together to persevere. For every catastrophy, disaster, plague, war, crises and hardship to have befallen societies, those same societies have shown the ability to pull together and rise above it. Life goes on, often changed for the better after such an event. My only wish is that public awareness would be greatly increased now to lessen the psychological impact later.
02:46pm Jul 1, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
Perhaps a public weaned on a steady diet of disaster movies craves an opportunity to panic on a really grand scale?
Does anyone know which *embedded* systems might be affected in the office or home? Refrigerators? Microwaves? Telephones? Are there any steps the average consumer can take to minimize the problem?
(pre-post-postmodern)
Regarding microprocessors and firmware -- or, as nhsrikanth so quaintly terms it, "firmwares" -- what was bothering me at the back of my mind has finally made its way to the front.
The Y2k problem is only a problem when we consider the date in decimal. Processors don't naturally do that -- they think of the date as a number of ticks from an arbitrary point in time (which varies, depending on manufacturer). This is kept internally, and not in decimal -- 1:00 1/1/2000 probably takes up exactly the same room as 1:00 12/31/1999.
(To get a look at something similar, check out MS Excel's way of storing timestamps. You can do this by changing the format of a field that has a calculated date to "General.")
The Y2k problem doesn't happen except when expressing the date in decimal, so if there's no reason to do that (as with electric shavers and half the other stuff nhsrikanth was going on about), there's NO Y2K PROBLEM WITH THAT DEVICE.
And for microprocessors with limited memory, converting to decimal would be the LAST thing a programmer would do, if she didn't have to. If something requires a real-world interval to be expressed, the programmer figures out the number of ticks in that interval and hard codes it in.
(And by the way, nhsrikanth has yet to come up with that list of specific products he/she thinks will fail.)
There is no Millennium bug where I reside...a Mac world does not have such stupidities nor the expenses of updating antique applications and computers. Why in the world the business community fell for lousy technology is beyond me...or is it? Maybe it is because they misinterpreted ease of use for a lack of sophistication? Alas, for your businesses as mine is up and running and will be without additional expenses due to Y2K. Go Macintosh and really use a computer for what it is intended...productivity.
The y2k bug will not bring the apocalypse, as expessed in may of the posts. It will most likely affect banks and government agencies more than anything else. Social Security might not get checks out on time. Your bank might produce a blank statement. How many of us have had their clock or calendar incorrect on their PC? many I'm sure.
scoobie-we recently went through a major storm here in the midwest, cutting power to everyone in the area. although some stores closed, many stayed open recording sales with pen and paper. this is not the answer to the problem, but an example that the quest for profit will always find a way. life goes on without computers, maybe just not as easily.
The Y2K PC bug is pure speculation in relation to stand alone personal computing. I agreed it will be critical for accounting purposes, mortgages and loans.
At the present time when I am typing this message, my PC clock shows 12:03 AM of January 1st, 2000 and it still running ! ! !
Hasta la vista,
Otto Neumann - Canada
(pre-post-postmodern)
Yup, a friend became a lot less paranoid about it when I sent him email from April of 2000.
Some people seem to be confusing the desktop computer world with the larger computers that actually run our society. Most of these large antiquated systems were developed decades before Mac's or PC's.Any PC manufactured after 1996 is Y2K compliant. But the 1.5 million computers the Department of Defense, or those used by the FAA, or the utility companies, the phone companies, the major corporations, are not PC's and are not Y2K compliant. If you do not believe it, look at the General Accounting Office website of the Federal government to see the current state of the Y2K situation. Even the government says it looks bleak and are making contingency plans for when their systems shut down. The same goes for state governments. The official Massachusettes Y2K government website estimates less than 40% of their systems will be operational on 1-1-00. If there is no problem, why are large corporations spending hundreds of millions of dollars trying to fix it? These corporations have never been known to throw away money needlessly, they are convinced of the necessity. The FAA is considering grounding all flights the 1st week of 2000. A recent news article showed that 3M corp had their main computer system freeze up when they tried to enter their material orders up through 2000. The prove is out there for the public to see, not just on the "extremists" sites but on the government sites, the utilities and business reporting sites. Check "http://pw2.netcom.com/~helliott/00.htm" the Mother of All Y2K Link Centers for links to all these sites. Do not be lulled into thinking your desktop computer is indicative of the world at large. And check with General Motors to see if they can go back to working by pen and paper.
(pre-post-postmodern)
That's a far cry from claiming that electric shavers and heart pacemakers will all seize up on 1/1/2000, as some people are doing.
A recent news article showed that 3M corp had their main computer system freeze up when they tried to enter their material orders up through 2000.
... and you'll note that 3M is still in business. They found a glitch, they fixed it, they moved on ...
Having worked on year 2000 assessment and testing for the last 2 years, some things must be noted:
(1) Not all PCs after 1996 can be guaranteed compliant. Compaq only guarantees its PCs after Oct. 1997. For most people, the problem with a PC BIOS may only require that the clock is reset after 1/1/2000.
(2) Year 2000 problems may exist in ANY program. For example, older versions of some spreadsheets (Lotus 1-2-3) interpret a 2 digit year as 19xx. Thus a spreadsheet with date calculations can be wrong. This can also apply to a MAC (though the MAC OS is OK).
(3) Embedded chips with problems are most likely to cause problems with manufacturing and infrastructure (utilities) if not identified and corrected in time.
The problem is bigger than most people think.
(pre-post-postmodern)
Year 2000 problems may exist in ANY program.
No, only in programs that do something involving dates. Or can you provide a counterexample?
Message 111
02:54pm Jul 2, 1998 EST
Good day to you,
My organization has been researching the global business implications of the
Year 2000 for the past two years. We have now completed infra-structures studies
in eight major cities including New York, where we started the first
User Group back in Nov 1996.
For information on how the Year 2000 crisis could impact our community
please refer to www.corp2000.com/urbanville.htm
Kind regards
Martyn Emery
President
Corporation 2000 & New York 2000
03:08pm Jul 2, 1998 EST
#100
Regarding embedded processors and consumers, I recommend the article "Embedded Chips - Dispelling Some Myths" in the May/June 1998 issue of The Year 2000 Journal. This article discusses a process of assessing risk pertaining to embedded systems. This publication is available online at www.y2kjournal.com - this particular issue is not yet posted online (as of July 2, 1998).
For folks intending to purchase products such as PCs, software, and other products that use processors, I recommend checking prospective vendor's internet sites for relevant year 2000 "readiness" indormation as a starting point. Look for a vendor's definition of year 2000 "compliance" or "readiness" as there is no U.S. standard definition. Both computer hardware and software may have date issues.
The site www.nstl.com has a download for testing PC (so-called IBM compatable) hardware and a white paper explaining the date issues and risks in performing date tests. Microsoft has also published warnings on the risks of advancing dates on PCs.
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has posted vendors' responses regarding medical equipment to their site at www.fda.gov. (Then search "year 2000"). Note that the FDA "cannot and does not make any independent assurances or
guarantees as to the accuracy or completeness of this data."
In general, consumers need to educate themselves on the issues. The site http://www.itpolicy.gsa.gov/mks/yr2000/y2khome.htm has links to many relevant internet sites. There is a lot for consumers to learn to reduce their year 2000 date risks.
Hey!!! Good Afternoon. Glad to make your acquaintance,electronically
speaking. Our dependence on electronic "gadgets" is here to stay and it will become more pervasive as we zoom past the year 2000.
Why wouldn't a universally agreeded upon arbitrary letter or number work ? 20L1...
>>... and you'll note that 3M is still in business. They found a glitch, they fixed it, they moved on ...<<<<
Who said they fixed it? While the company is not out of business yet, they also had to rush out and hire dozens of IT people they hadn't known they needed and had to cancel the order inputs. This was just the first glitch to pop up, what about when all the others surface. And this is happening to many more companies now also, according to Business Weekly, Fortune Magazine, Investor Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, and other trade magazines. It is starting to snowball and there simply are not enough IT people to go around. Please check the URL site in my previous post for a directory of these magazine articles.
how good is zitel's y2k solution?
GM has 2 billion lines of code and 100,000 suppliers that must be 100% compliant by 01/01/2000. Is this feasible?
RE: For GM it's not just Y2k compliance.
It is worth noting that the year 2000 will lead to one of the greatest
wealth and market transfer periods since the industrial revolution.
GM will be hit by the fact that during periods of systemic failure,
such as those experience in the Canadian ice storms auto sells slump.
Perhaps the year 2000 will herald the age of the industrial devolution
where smaller knowledge based units will thrive.
Kind regards
Martyn Emery
Corporation 2000
Just a note to people who advance their system clock past 2000 to see if it is compliant. This is not an accurate indicator...your BIOS chips must coordinate the date with your system clock. To do an actual test, set your system clock to Dec 31, 1999 11:57 PM, then completely shut down your system. Wait about 5 minutes then restart your system. Your BIOS chip will coordinate the time with the system and the BIOS will now think it's past the 2000 date. WARNING - on non-compliant systems you could develop major problems. Do a system backup first! Also on all systems be prepared for lots of warning windows from applications telling you this or that has expired. When you reset your clock they should disappear. Most but not all 1996 and later systems should be OK.
07:50pm Jul 3, 1998 EST
someone made the suggestion:
Why wouldn't a universally agreeded upon arbitrary letter or number work ? 20L1...
While this is a nice idea it will not work. Most computers store the
2 digit year as a number not a character and it will not work. It is
like putting a square plug in a round hole. The computer can not store
it unless the year is converted to a alphanumeric field which will
work but then you will have to do some creative subtraction to find
the difference in someone's age. 20L1 - 1945 would come out strange
unless you say if the year is L1 replace it with 00 and do the subtraction. Still would have to be reprogrammed either way. It should
be changed the correct way which is to store the year as 2000.
OK, I just found out that the before mentioned method of date checking may not reveal a true BIOS problem. There is a definitive BIOS checking program that can be downloaded for free from www.rightime.com. In case you are wondering if it will always read a failure in order to sell their corrective program, my system passed the two tests it ran. (whew!)
Seems there is a lot of cheap "talk" about the obvious perils of Y2K, yet so few are doing any real individual "planning" to confront what many now agree is the inevitable collapse of the stock market by late 1999, probable widespread electrical blackouts, massive bank runs, and that is just for starters. Wait 'til 50 million welfare & Social Security checks fail to arrive -- then you will have a serious societal meltdown which will make the Great Depression look like a time of Great Prosperity in comparison.
To those rare and prescient few who want to begin their own serious contingency planning, we may be able to help each other. I am currently constructing my own Y2K Sanctuary on 1 of my 2 contiguous 35 acre parcels set in the most serene, secluded and beautiful area of the southern Colorado Rockies. The property functions perfectly on solar & wind power although traditional electric power is readily available. The property adjoins more than 2,000,000+ acres of federal land, including the San Isabel National Forest, the Sangre de Cristo National Wilderness Area and the Greenhorn National Wilderness Area. It is located in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains about 90 miles north of Taos, New Mexico and 80 miles southwest of Colorado Springs. Wildlife proliferates, including elk, mule deer, wild turkey, eagles & lots of hummingbirds. Aspen trees are everywhere, water is cold & clear, sun shines 320+ days of the year and gardening is good.
I am looking to sell my other 35 acre parcel to a well educated and prudent individual or family that is very "Y2K Aware" and who would make a good steward of this land as well as a good neighbor thru Y2K & Beyond. I can forward to you by email a detailed 6 page informational letter as well as color photos if your email system can handle "attachments".
Serious inquiries only. Please contact me at:
koivulaw@mci2000.com
This may well save your Life . . .
This forum caught my eye because I have been performing consulting work for the past nine months to "fix" the Y2K problem. FWIW, I have recently come to the realization that most, if not all, of our efforts (nobody but us COBOL dinosaurs here...) is a case of too little, too late. The two major corporations (insurance and banking) that I was working for are beginning to (internally) panic -- i.e., many executive-level clients are beginning to snap at employees and raise their voices, argue very loudly (almost hysterically) in meetings, and point fingers at everyone in sight... As well they should! Not only their jobs but also their companies are part of the "dominoe chain" in danger of total or partial collapse.
Me? I am considering moving my family back to the mid-west and working for my Uncle on the farm.
Message 124
01:17pm Jul 5, 1998 EST
It appears many have been reading Gary North. Not to appear superficially naive, but has anyone considered the ability of the human spirit to perservere through advirsity?
So what if the world's computers crash? Did civilization not exist prior to 1953? Maybe some opportunists can cash in on the "mop-up",
but I fail to see how the Human Species will crash along with their networks...
Of course we'll survive--the problem is that economic downturn, if not slowed, tends to bring on more economic downturn, which leads to depression. The *spirit* may survive, but some of us aren't looking forward to losing those creature comforts we love so much...for instance, who knows if I will have the extra cash to spend on an ISP so I can communcate with others without having to know their phone number first? I'm not expecting an apocalypse, but there is certainly room in society now for things to get much, much worse than they are now. And, considering the recent riots in South Asia and the less recent riots in California, it's possible that anything could happen when we find we need someone to blame.
WE WILL SURVIVE OF COURSE!
We survived the depression and WWII (most of us) and we will survive the Y2k bug. But it's my guess that it will be an experience that we will not cherish.
EZ 2 see the roots of Y2K
Question: How is it that 5 or 10 years ago the world's managers were
unable to foresee a huge risk to their operations when virtually every
entry level programmer in their employ understood it perfectly.
As Winston Churchill's once said after a major disaster:
"I ought to have known, my advisors ought to have known, and I ought
to have been told and I ought to have asked."
Anyone who seeks understanding of how we could find ourselves in a
situation where countless computers in the world could malfunction
simultaneously need go no farther than the morning's Dilbert cartoon.
The depiction of the relationship of the manager and his technical
staff is a quite accurate description of - if not the world of today -
certainly the world of management from the 50's to the 80's when the
old COBOL programs were being written.
Back then there was probably not one senior manager in a thousand who
could have grasped this problem if it was explained to him and it is
even less likely that any of his programmers would have wanted to
explain it, - or been able to if they did. Back then it was the common
lament that we could never get programmers to document their programs
for love or money. They just refused. So programmers in the next
cubicle let alone managers in the upstairs offices were usually
clueless about what was going on within those programs, for dates or
anything else.
Having been involved in several large attempts to reconcile systems
and programs across department lines I well remember how difficult it
was when everyone programmed in COBOL for fellow programmers to figure
out some program written the next cubicle.
That was why it was normal for programmers to be on call 24 hours a
day and to rush in in the middle of the night when one of their
routines hung up. Nobody else had a clue as to how to fix someone
else's program. Why do you think that the first employees to stop
wearing ties were programmers, they always had management over a
barrel and they knew it. I even knew of situations where programmers
literally punched out a boss and got away with it. Management was
always afraid of programmers and management ignorance was the primary
way they maintained their freedom. It is not well understood that
computer shops are the last bastions of absolute freedom in large
corporations and maybe the world, because management never ever really
knew what those employees were were actually doing all day long.
So for decades we have allowed a situation to develop where the daily
performance and design of key operational management functions and the
duties of some of their key staff are essentially incomprehensible and
unknowable to top staff. A recent study showed only a small percent of
top management even could explain what a modem does. How could they
possibly understand the problems within the coding of programs. The
problem was never really that Y2K was a problem far, far, off in the
distant future so they overlooked it. Managers worry all the time
about problems far off in the future. It is commonplace for senior
management to plan for and carefully calculate for risks and for
opportunities 5, 10 or 20 years out into the future. In fact these
future value/risk calculations are the basis of all investment
decisions and of course insurance and actuarial science itself.
We are simply going to reap the fruits of 40 years of management
incompetence.
Well, here are a few insights and recommendations.
1. On the magic hour, the problem may not just be computers that
crash, - everyone will be on guard for blank screens and error
messages, - but rather computers that don't. Many computers will have
serious Y2K problems but just keep on working and simply pass their
badly computed data to other systems that depend on them for an input.
Computers with Y2K problems today that create anecdotes
To dbbishop:
civilization certainly did exist before 1953 and will afterwards also, but we could be talking a shift more to the level of 1853 if the utilities are as much in danger as even some conservative sources estimate. While civilization will go on, you must be able to imagine the upheaval process as being dramatic in turning society back 100 years in one night. I have read Dr Norths website but also every other available Y2K website I could to have as balanced a view as possible. I must say that the information in "official" sites such as the General Accounting Office of the federal government and my own state's site (Ma.) are starting to become as alarming as Gary North's. The same goes for "respectable" sites such as CNN, ABC, NYTimes, etc. At first many of the news stories were of the line of "could Y2K be as bad as..." or "Some analysts warn of..." but lately more stories are appearing in the mainstream media of actual failures of systems and dire results of industry testing. I started following this issue quite awhile ago with a skeptical view towards the "crackpot gloom & doom" crowd. Now I have a hand pump on my well, bought a wood burning cookstove, and am storing food. To follow the mainstream press clippings related to Y2K for yourself, got to http://www.year2000.com/articles/NFarticles.html
foerch-0930PM 5July98-I'm sure a good part of my audience is much better educated than I am but this whole Y2K problem is just a natural for the old go-sub routines we used back when we programmed in basic. First we write one common routine to correct the problem. Then we go over all our programs and throw in a go-sub every time a date is mentioned. Isn't there some merit in that?
f12345
It would be nice if it were that easy. In the real world the statement might look like 'calculate (date2 - date1) * principal * rate'. Where do you put the gosub?
Even if it worked, someone would still have to go through all of the program code to figure out which lines need to be changed -- and that of course, is the essense of the problem.
In theory, you could write a computer program to examine each program and determine what lines have to be changed. In practice, I could come up with a couple of dozen coding tricks that programmers used to save memory and time back in the bad old days. Any of these tricks would deceive the program that is searching for problems.
Some old programming languages had built in limits on how large a particular piece of a program could be. In rare cases, ANY change to the program might make it non-functional. Unfortunately, one non-functional program can make a system of 200 programs useless.
However you look at it it's a mess. A good programmer can find any number of interesting and challenging projects that pay anywhere from 60 to 120 dollars per hour.
It takes a lot more than this to motivate those who still have the skills. Hardly anyone wants to work on a tedious, boring conversion project.
Excellent analysis. I agree with you as far as you go.
I would take it a few steps deeper...Why is it that we have an economic/legal/political system that reward$ people mightily for doing things that engender short term profits at the expense of loooong term efficiency/benefits? ...that rewards people for "creating" little fiefdoms of "expertise" thay can leverage into dollars or power? ...that punishes people for caring about the future, or for seeing a more wholistic perspective that goes beyond their personal career, or department, or ("heaven" forbid) their
company or
nation???
I invite your responses to the above questions.
I have my own answers (and they go far beyond blaming programmers, or even "management") but they go against the grain of what most people "want to hear", and am reluctant to waste my cyber-"breath". <g>
Ciao
Ref. Sharpeagle # 120 ( #114 ) Some " creative subtraction " may be necessary. I agree with you about fixing the hardware properly , but a software solution for obsolite systems before they are phased out or repaired is a task that should be presented to the pros that "designed in " this " obsolescence " I assume after everything Crashes we can revive The Pony express and start over.
Question? Y2K Problem:
Can a programmer"Upgrade" the existing Software in the CPs to:
"READ THE LAST TWO DIGITS OF DATES TO FOUR DIGITS OF DATES"? If not, Why?
Regards, RJ
12:53pm Jul 7, 1998 EST
The great irony in the Y2K problem is that countries that are the least reliant on technology have the least exposure to whatever doomsday scenario may develop.
When one stops to think that power generation, transportation, food production, etc., etc., may be gravely affected, s/he may ask: when did this "infiltration" of computers into the most minute aspects of our existence occur? If this rug is suddenly pulled out from under us, what will happen?
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Well, it is a long time since I visited this forum and the activity level seems to have picked up.
Just-john:
I don't know what is it I promised you that I did not deliver (if you just asked me a question and expected an answer, tough luck, it is my prerogative to answer).
I don't know how a person who projects to be "intelligent" could be so bone headed. You keep harping about the "right way" to have designed firmware and expect everyone to have followed that way. It is the same as expecting every COBOL programmer to have used 4 digits year on the first place. All that I am saying is, my field experience indicate that numerous firmware (that go into appliances) were not programmed the right way. If you choose not to believe, be my guest. I and my company are under various non-disclosure agreements that prohibit me from naming any manufacturer/make/model of potentially defective appliances.
(pre-post-postmodern)
All that I am saying is, my field experience indicate that numerous firmware (that go into appliances) were not programmed the right way.
But to have a Y2k "bug" in anything that doesn't translate internal timestamp formats into decimal text isn't just bad programming -- it's deliberate sabotage.
Message 137
01:19pm Jul 7, 1998 EST
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Just-John:
May be you can go to court with that argument when your appliance fails.
I am part of a Y2K team, and I have been reading these posts with interest. I agree with those who say the Y2K problem is not much of a technical challenge. The real challenge is to the management staff. The deadline can't be moved, and in an industry where over half the projects are delivered late, that's a real problem. Moreover, nearly every company in the world (at least, those that use computers) has the same deadline, so they're all trying to hire the same people at the same time. There aren't enough good people to go around (now there's a truism for you), so costs go sky high. Finally, if the program crashes (or worse, pumps out bad data that looks good), someone is going to sue you - the legal costs are predicted to be more than than the conversion costs! If there ever was a disincentive to move into management, this must be it.
As the lead member of our Y2K team, I have to comment on this. From my perspective, it is more a matter of tracking down the paper-trail to prove that current software, firmware or hardware is or is not comliant that is the real labor eater. Once you have determined compliancy, it is usually a simple matter to make a decision. In our company, for instance, minimum necessity to bring us into compliance will be just under $10,000 for the hardware, software and firmware--but almost double that number in the labor costs to determine what needed to be done. So, for $30,000 we know that we're safe. But, is the customer we connect to investing this amount to make sure they are safe? Are our suppliers investing enough to verify that they are safe? Is our ISP making sure that they are safe?
I think the Y2K issue leads quickly into a licensing question as well as warranty and support questions. Personally, I believe that if you purchase a license to use a company's software, that holds them liable to guarantee that the product will perform properly until the license is no longer active. In the future, I'm sure you will see licensing which is only valid for X years. We already see support handled in this way.
Let me point out one thing to mull over--the only people who are screaming that this Y2K issue is of such tantamount importance are those who make the big bucks consulting with governments and companies to "verify compliance". The only people who scream about it are those who are making a living based upon everyone's paranoia. Yes, there will be some bumps. No, society as we know it will not come to a crashing halt.
Next time you see "chicken-little" screaming about the "Millenium Bug", ask yourself what that person does for a living. If they make money fixing the problem they're complaining about, then take what they say not with a grain of salt--rather, use the whole salt-shaker.
03:07pm Jul 7, 1998 EST
As a student in a Y2K COBOL programming course, I am very converned at the lack of Y2K training facilities available. By the time the governments decide that there is a real problem, their efforts at subsidizing programmer training will come too late. To my knowledge, there are only three colleges in all of Canada providing specific Y2K training today, and one or two private institutions, with little or no govt subsidies. While I might benefit from the Y2K problem in the short term as a programmer, I think that there is a real concern that the situation will turn into a full-blown crisis of global proportions, and people and governments had better wake up fast. In the long run, we will all be losers.
From a writer's perspective -- what a smashing conclusion to this millennium to have everything simply wind down and stop -- with aboriginal people being the least impacted by the Y2K bug. It's back to the caves, folks! Anyone got some budget class links for B&B's among the non-digital tribes starting 12/31/99 to at least 11:59 PM on 01/01/2000???
Message 142
08:21pm Jul 7, 1998 EST
It has come to my understanding that a lot of people don't really care about the Y2k bug.They feel that statements from their banks reassuring them that every thing is under control is proof enough.They feel that just because they've recently been issued a credit card with a 2000 expiry date that every thing is being blown out of proportion.They feel that the hydro companies couldn't afford to lose great deals of money due to a blackout and are not going to let that happen.I call this surface knowlege.The deeper you go into Y2k the more knowledge you will acquire.But the the problem with this is that you might not like this type of knowledge.Some of it tastes sweet but most of it has an uncertain questionable taste that may leave you a bit nauseous.And the remaining parts, well, keep a barf bag handy.Sure ,I can see that the centrifical force of their thinking relating to their perception of the world and their world is not one to be easily swayed.Nobody likes to be told that their future might be taking an unexpected detour to which they have no control over.But the truth is that Y2k will first give us warning signs beginning Jan.1/1999.Some computer programs interpret 99 or 9/99 or 9/9/99 to execute the command to delete files,end the program,return to start of program or mean infinity.Should be interesting.Then on April 1/99 New York State begins programming for fiscal 2000 along with the IRS doing the same on July 1/99.On Aug.22/99 the GPS satellite system will rollback its tracking programs to 1980.The magnitude of the problems this will cause is unknown and still hotly debated.In conclusion,all I can say is that time will tell whether Y2k is just an overblown,overhyped computer problem or that you should get ready to fasten your seatbelt.
>>Next time you see "chicken-little" screaming about the "Millenium Bug", ask yourself what that person does for a living. If they make money fixing the problem they're complaining about, then take what they say not with a grain of salt--rather, use the whole salt-shaker.<<<
This was my original thoughts on Y2K also, that it was an exploitation scheme by analysts and programmers. As I read more and more reports, though, the "chicken-littles" started to become high ranking CEO's, engineers, critical systems operators, utility heads, defense department heads, high ranking military personelle, respected analysts, respected scientists, the GAO, entire foreign governments, our own senate and house members, top level engineers from such corporations as the major car companies, heads of national and international banking, etc... soon enough those warning of the dire consequences of Y2K stopped sounding like the proverbial "chicken-little" and those denying the tantamount importance of Y2K started sounding more like the proverbial "ostrich with it's head in the sand."
In a society that touts itself as being so technologically advanced, it is interesting to note:
1. How IGNORANT people (even those presumably technically knowledgeable) are about the extent of the remediation effort required or how extensive the damage will be. Reading the 10K reports for May 1998 for Exxon, Amoco, and other major refineries, along with Sprint doesn�t give any reassurance. They all admit to possible major disruptions, especially because of third party software.
2. Utter chaos reigns in most software production environments. Software is often produced under factory-like conditions with the dictum of get it out the door to beat the competitor. Patches are afterthoughts. My experiences doing technical documentation are riddled with disaster scenarios. For example, AT&T canned its $26 million ASOS OA&M program upon which Pacific Bell of California was to depend because of this mentality. Professional staff fled Cary, NC�s Advanced Software Construction Center in 1996 because of the blow-up. AMEX�s Information Processing Center in Phoenix, AZ in 1996 was constantly getting junk user manuals because of an outright refusal on the part of management to pay attention to documentation standards. One of their economic "solutions" was to cram six operations managers and documentation staff into a 13 x 26 foot room. In another job I, knowing little about programming, crashed Nortel�s DMS-100 switch GUI TWICE just by dinking on the keyboard. Ask these organizations whether they will guarantee Y2K compliance.
3. There is very little long range planning in this country, and we fail to learn from our mistakes. Witness the oil/gas crisis of 1974 with no current energy policy. We saw the Y2K problem long ago and in enough time to start remediation, as evidenced by the Social Security Administrations efforts to implement fixes.
4. Never once have I seen ANY software package shipped on time or without serious defects. I am aware of UNIX bugs that allow a complete stranger to get super user status by appropriate buffer overloads. One software trouble report at a major computer manufacture rated this as a medium problem with an admission that the problem could not be resolved.
These are situations in a normal production environment. Add the stress of mandatory Y2K deadline and the lack of immediate profit incentive, plus the CYA syndrome of managers, does one seriously expect that all of even the MAJOR pieces of this huge interdependent system will interoperate without utter collapse? Neural network and automata theorists might argue that enough erratically acting nodes of such a large net as is the computer network we have today could create very chaotic interactions within the system. With 80-90% of the net running satisfactorily, even a 10% breakdown could wreak havoc. Note the downed nuclear reactor (ONE node) a week or so ago that caused the whole power grid in the midwest to switch to a rationing mode. Everyone was advised to conserve power. Remember the West in 1996? The East Coast power grid in 1965? All were automata-type problems.
...and I havent even talked about embedded chips.
If youd like to communicate with me, I am reachable at: jhorne1@cris.com.
My website is http://www.concentric.net/~jhorne1.
Enjoy now peoples while you�re fat.
Jeremy Horne, Ph.D.
Chris, you think unix is bad, windows NT servers have holes the
size of wyoming in their root. It would be so damn easy to get into
a windows nt server that it isn't even worth the effort.
Whatever happens, one thing that is absolutely undenial - there
WILL definitely be a severe recession caused by y2k, not to mention
a flurry of lawsuits - "Your software was supposed to prevent this"
etc. If any embedded chips have self-diagnosis software, they WILL
shut down. Personally I don't really care - I will withdraw ALL
of my money from the banks way before Dec 31, 1999, and also
plan to stock up on kerosene and get my prescriptions refilled.
(pre-post-postmodern)
When you first showed up here, you said:
More problems will be in Firmware in a range of appliances from Electric ovens, Elevators, Traffic signals and a whole bunch of medical equipments (even critical cardiac equipments like pacemakers embedded in human body). Nobody has a clue as to how to rectify the programs
In other words, you pretty much said you know of a direct and specific threat to human life.
And now you say:
I and my company are under various non-disclosure agreements that prohibit me from naming any manufacturer/make/model of potentially defective appliances.
Well, there are things known as whistleblower laws for just such a situation (among others), where you know of direct and specific threats to human life and a non-disclosure agreement prevents you from revealing it. (Of course, anybody who's not morally tonedeaf would speak up, regardless of legal repercussions.)
So if you're not forthcoming about these threats to life, that's contemptible. If on the other hand, you were just puffing up the problem to make yourself sound important, that's contemptible.
After reading the "posted messages the past few day., I have come up with this: "Why not make a law stating that you can not fix the Y2K bug, that way the "Hackers" will have the problem solved by Friday."
Might just be time to:"Stop and smell the flowers".
What say ye?
While we in the USA have the Y2K bug to worry about, Europeans have
another situation of epic proportions--conversion to the Euro over the next four years. It seems that this distraction will have the effect of slowing down their progress on fixing Y2K problems, making the world-wide situation even more troubling in these global times of ours.
Any comments or hard information to share on this aspect of the situation?
Jon (jplant@artech-house.com)
09:43am Jul 8, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
I'd say offhand that combining the Y2k fixes with the new currency symbol implementation makes for a smaller project than doing them separately.
(Speaking of which, what character is the Euro symbol replacing? I vote for the smiley face.)
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Just-john:
Nice attempt to lay a guilt trip on me. I am old enough to fall for that. I did not create the problem. I and my company do our best in minimizing the problem (for those who pay, of course). I have provided warnings to the extent I can based on my experience. Fvck your talks about morality and I care a damn for your contempt. If you find my efforts inadequate go sell cookies for boy scouts.
ErisX Web Design
You think maybe rjb is on to something? <G>
Message 152
11:48am Jul 8, 1998 EST
>>>I'd say offhand that combining the Y2k fixes with the new currency symbol implementation makes for a smaller project than doing them
separately.<<<<<
The idea of introducing the euro now when europe and the rest of the world is so far behind in their approach to the Y2K fixes is ludicrous and highlites the lack of understanding of the problem in most countries. The euro will also drag down Y2K efforts in this country as our financial institutions will have to do euro conversions to do business with europe.
As far as addressing both problems at once as a time saver, it's a matter of what is critical and what isn't. Triage is the latest buzz word in businesses as they realize they won't have time to address all of their Y2K issues, so think of these two problems in a medical triage sense. A man comes into an emergency room needing immediate open heart surgery (Y2K) and has a painful but not life threatening ulcer (euro). The triage staff is not going to say, "Well, let's do both surgeries simultaneously to save time." They are going to fix the heart to keep him alive, then address the ulcer. Unfortunately, most european countries are more concerned with the ulcer than the heart failure, and this is typical of the shortsightedness that created this mess in the first place.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
The nature of Euro and Y2K are different in nature.
Message 154
03:01pm Jul 8, 1998 EST
And to what degree should we consider that every epoch to face a major change in dating convention has not had it's equivalent of doomsday predictions? The "Millenium Bug" fits nicely into this schemata.
Recession? Bah. The only recession that might be caused is from the paranoids who drain the economy of their funds to "save themselves" and thereby create a self-fulfilling prophecy. It happened in the seventies with the "gas shortage".
You really think that your cash money will have any value if your dire predictions are realized? What is paper? You better buy gold and silver. Lots of it. And just before you do, I'm going to load up on it so I can sell it to you at a tidy profit and buy it from you dirt cheap in January of 2000 when we hit our little bump, rearrange the cargo in our lives and move on.
And I stand by my comment about "chicken-littles". I have seen few competent IS professionals predicting anything catestrophic--and those I HAVE seen making these predictions are the CEOs and Directors of organizations severely in need of the influx of cash that believers in this paranoia will funnel in their direction out of nothing more than fear.
We have nothing to fear except fear itself.
It was true then--it is true now.
03:47am Jul 9, 1998 EST
He does have a point. It is literally impossible for elevators
that have any microprocessors to become a safety hazard with the millenium
bug - they have a resident program of fail/pass. The elevators may not
move on black saturday but they sure as hell won't lock up. The same
is true for cardiac equipment. Your nondisclosure story sounds like
a lot of hot air. Explain how an imbedded chip will fail. It won't,
the real time clock in the chip might and it is really important
whether the clock is for self-diagnosis or just a counter. The story
about the cardiac equipment is equally absurd.
"I have seen few
competent IS professionals predicting anything catestrophic" - You are right there. It is damn near impossible to find any IS
professionals who are competent. Some yuppie with an mba who knows
how to flip a computer on/off switch is your source of confidence.
God help us.
Y2K & Euro: Why not do as single project?
A posting above by Just_John suggests that it might be cheaper to do the Y2K and euro currency projects at once instead of as two separate projects. I've heard that cannot work because compliance testing can only be univariate in order to be certain. Simultaneous changes confound the testing process. Furthermore, the date fields and the amount or currency fields are wholly distinct in most programs and may arise in the code in quite different contexts. It would be hectic to fiddle with both at the same time. Better to change one item, prove compliance, and then proceed to the other.
At least, this is what I hear. These same voices are skeptical of Europeans who boast otherwise. Does anyone know of organizations or firms that are attacking both problems in a parallel and simultaneous fashion? What is the experience?
Following is a link to an Australian Newspaper called "The Age" describing Australia's 4 largest banks and their conversion to the euro and Y2K compliance efforts. Note that the banks describe the euro conversion as both a business and technical issue.
http://www.theage.com.au/daily/980709/bus/bus4.html
The y2k problem can be solved. The proper method is simply being overlooked
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
ronald_raygun:
This is getting repetitious. I have mentioned how some firmware were written using date and time (where time alone could have been used) and this may cause problems. I have told (to the extent I can) about what I have observed in the area of firmware. If you don't want to believe it it is your right.
I am under no obligation to discus any contractual issues between my company and my clients in this forum. If you don't want to take my word for it (the non-disclosure agreement) I don't have anything more to discuss. If you think it is "hot air", so be it.
Finally, I don't have to answer anyone who can't request it in a polite manner. If you use your insulting tone this will be the last you will hear from me.
Message 161
10:26am Jul 9, 1998 EST
Here is a link to one of the best discussions I have read yet on the effect of Y2K on embedded systems. It explains why some elevators will not have a problem, and why some will, etc....
http://www.bluemarble.net/~storageu/y2k-a152.htm
This is a continuation (part 2) of the post below which was an
overview of the Y2K problem - it continues with some recommendations
jbrit1 - 05:39pm Jul 5, 1998 EST (#127 of 161)
EZ 2 see the roots of Y2K (part 2)
Insights and recommendations.
1. On the magic hour the problem may not just be computers that crash,
-everyone will be on guard for blank screens and error messages, - but
rather computers that don't. Many computers will have serious Y2K
problems but just keep on working and simply pass their badly computed
data to other systems that depend on them for an input.
Computers with Y2K problems today that create anecdotes like
generating kindergarten notices to 105 year old people, or depositing
100 years of interest to accounts, are not crashing - their bad
calculations are simply being passed along and mindlessly acted upon
by other computers down the line.
2. As the millennium approaches the whole problem will get a lot of
play and the press will be eager to run apocalyptic stories from the
Y2K testing snafus that will invariably affect operational systems. If
folks think about it at all it ill first be in relation to their bank
accounts. If they start worrying about banking systems they may well
try to take their money out of banks whether Y2K compliant or not,
well before the year 2000. So bank runs may well occur in the run up
before 1/1/2000.
3. Some systems that are perfectly Y2K compliant may well be brought
down by systems to which they are not electronically or physically
interconnected. For example A nuclear power plant and other facilities
that present potential safety hazards for the public must have a
functioning 911 and emergency rescue service available locally or else
be forced to shut down. A computer problem in a fire department or
ambulance service for example, could force the closing of a power
plant in the same city.
4. Something should be done about the reluctance of suppliers to
furnish Y2K data because of fear of lawsuits. Maximum exchange and
disclosure of information between the makers and users of chips,
programs, and devices is the minimum we should expect from everybody.
Information flow is now being restricted due to potential liability
concerns and this should be addressed by our lawmakers right away. The
people who made the hundreds of millions of control valves with
embedded chips (one power plant may have thousands in a single
facility) need to begin exchanging information with their customers
instead of stonewalling them for fear of future liability as they are
now too often doing.
Suggestions for priorities in addressing this problem
1. Failsafe communication systems for public safety and emergency
rescue need to be established .
2. Special attention should go to insuring that chemical, biological
and nuclear weapons facilities worldwide are safe.
3. We should identify locations like Egypt and the American Southwest
where tens of millions of people depend on electric power for the
pumping of water for irrigation or drinking.
4. Seed supplies for farmers that depend on hybrid strains which must
be reordered each year need to be stockpiled.
5. With the poor grasp of this problem by managers and decision makers
top elected officials and our "thought leaders" should get the urgency
of this message across to all managers everywhere.
Message 163
08:04pm Jul 9, 1998 EST
Hello.I think we have always relied on technology of theday. Wheels,wings,Nikes....so ya just can't tell methat Mr. Gates (that Seattle babe) is going let hisever flush minions down by not trotting out the pan-acea ...oh say about April 1999s.evans@netchannel.co.uk
So what's going to happen in the third quarter of 1999?Are big "compliant" banks and businesses going to issue statements like,"...and therefore to protect our customers from any negative disruptions which may be detrimental to their concerns as well as ours ,we have taken the following measures due to our review of overseas clients which we feel are not compliant with our business standards.As of Jan.1/2000 we will no longer participate in any business transactions with clients from Russia, the Ukraine,all middle eastern contries,Africa and Venezuela.Our weekly review may upgrade or downgrade this list.If and when our reviewers are satisfied that they meet or exceed our compliant standards,then they shall be brought back into our business fold.Thank you and have a pleasant day."
bonno19 in 140:
As a student in a Y2K COBOL programming course, I am very converned at the lack of Y2K training facilities available.
Real programmers, at least those seeking Masters Degree, cannot earn credit for taking a programming course. Programming is so trivial that you are expected to learn it on your own or elsewhere. Teaching for Year 2000 compliance is even more trivial. Lack of this background implies gross lack of experience. bonno19's conclusions so lack knowledge and experience that he even cites need for Year2000 training. Fortunately some Y2000 team members have put Year2000 into perspective.
evanmoore in 139:
The only people who scream about it are those who are making a living based upon everyone's paranoia.
From other parts of his post, evanmoore comes from where the work gets done; whereas most doom-sayers display no technical experience. For example, another's silly post declares the worst for self-diagnostic embedded processors. Most embedded processors performing the most simplistic tasks, such as gasoline engines or elevators, do not and must not include the complexity of dates. Embedded processors simply operate as if today is another day and this week is another week. Keeping track of dates means complex, unnecessary code and unnecessary real-time date/time chips.
Ask the Year2000 hypster about this. He probably cannot even name the very common part numbers of Date/Time Real Time clock chips. No knowledge. No experience. Lots of fear of Year 2000.
pduer in 138:
The real challenge is to the management staff.
pduer also demonstrates in his post that he comes from where the work gets done. pduer also cites no major Year2000 threat.
Which brings us back to bonno19 whose experience is education in programming an obsolete language. bonno19 fears Year2000 collapse. Yet the most serious Y2000 threats are found in those obsolete Cobol programmed machines. Even worse, these machines continue because poor management from multiple generations fear new technology. Year2000 problems are directly traceable to poor management. Some sites are so poor that documentation was not even protected.
casper974 in 142:
On Aug.22/99 the GPS satellite system will rollback its tracking programs to 1980..
More unsubstanciated rumor. The Year2000 hype - somebody heard the worst case, hyped rumor by some Action News source. OK. Name the source. Furthermore, name a single computer in your home subject to Year 2000 failure. You cannot. Yet most households contain 50 computers of various types - from timer switches, microwaves, TV, clock radio, and many within the car. Where is this Year 2000 problem? Where business school indoctrinated management has been in power too long - their solution is cost controls. Year 2000 should identify these rotten logs - and we will all prosper when the bad management is exposed.
Some fear electric grid collapse. However I previously worked with computers that operate the mid-west grid. These computers were routinely removed from the system - and the system continued unabated. The computers only adjust in cases of major failure such as an overload. Most systems protect themselves anyway and are also easily restored by manual labor. No software for these systems was date sensitive. These computers were only concerned with what is happening now. But the hype of the illiterate continues the Year 2000 scare because they don't come from where the work gets done.
Hello,
I'm sending out a series of links to Year 2000 information
on the World Wide Web. Some of the information in these
links is quite worrisome to me and some of it is encouraging.
I am concerned that, IMHO, while individual organizations
may be working on Y2K solutions, the larger picture of the
functioning of our government and infrastructure (or not) is
just beginning to dawn in people's minds.
Many persons and companies with whom I have talked appear
to have little to no awareness of what could/might happen in the
world, in terms of possible changes in our way of life, as
we approach the millemmium. I hope the worse predictions
do not come to pass, but as a writer, counselor, citizen and
a parent, I am deeply concerned that we find out the truth about
our state of preparedness for the Y2K unfolding. Acting on
our awareness of the truth is the only way we can move
forward, IMHO. Hiding truth will result in fear and panic,
and the longer the truth is hidden, the worse the fear
and panic will eventually be because time will be even
shorter then than it is now.
Many people do not surf the World Wide Web easily or they
get lost when trying to find the links to Y2K sites. I hope
my list will help people find what I feel is vital information
from which government officials and citizens can make informed,
enlightened decisions before time pressures cause people to
behave irrationally, out of fear.
I personally believe that awareness, truth, genuineness,
and honesty are the keys to dealing with any issue, including
Y2K. Awareness is the key to creative solutions to problems
in my experience. Awareness is the key to cooperation rather
than to the emergence of fear, a fear which then becomes
undirected toward positive outcomes. I believe we must
transform any fear we might feel into positive, mobilizing energy,
and we must empower ourselves to solve, or prepare workable
contingencies for, the Y2K unfolding of events. This date is
coming whether we are aware or not. I hope we choose to
be aware.
Many people who are knowledgeable about the many
aspects of Y2K (and links to their sites are included)
suggest that cooperation as a society is necessary
RIGHT NOW to avert, or plan for, any disruptions
to our way of life as the Y2K countdown moves inexorably
forward. Some raise grave concerns about the functioning
of the utilities, tranportation, the government at all levels,
and the food supply.
From my reading, I've seen newly-realized concerns about embedded microprocessors (chips) in computers and all types of machines and electronics (which may or may not trip, malfunction, or shut down as Y2K approaches). Some sites will demonstrate how the populace is already quietly planning for a life of unknown duration without utilities , and one site reports orders of "Meals Ready to Eat"
(MREs) are already back-logged to November, 1998.
Some writers suggest problems will begin to emerge presently
and will escalate during 1999. Please read the attached
web sites, if you so choose, and make your own determination
of the information contained in them.
If you feel concerned, please try to raise awareness in others and
feel free to pass this list of sites along.
Best Regards,
PeaceDog
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the
world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." --Margaret Mead
============Begin Y2K Awarness Project Web Site List================
Y2K Awarness Project Web Site List
Good series of five articles:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/Economy/Predictions/jpeter9826.htm
An Open Letter to State Legislators:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/DSA/VP/vp9825.htm
Great weekly Y2K tips:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/Tip/Lord/
The Cassandra Preparedness Project:
http://millennia-bcs.com/nfcass.htm#top
http://www.karinya.com/surboks.htm
http://millennia-bcs.com/
http://mi
Y2K Awarness Project Web Site List
Good series of five articles:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/Economy/Predictions/jpeter9826.htm
An Open Letter to State Legislators:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/DSA/VP/vp9825.htm
Great weekly Y2K tips:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/Tip/Lord/
The Cassandra Preparedness Project:
http://millennia-bcs.com/nfcass.htm#top
http://www.karinya.com/surboks.htm
http://millennia-bcs.com/
http://millennia-bcs.com/prep.htm#fa
http://millennia-bcs.com/casframe.htm
Yourdons's Time Bomb 2000 Book
http://support.intel.com/support/year2000/assess.htm
Y2K Effects on Core Infrastructures:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/roleigh_martin/
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/roleigh_martin/y2journ.htm
News Articles and Daily Updated Press Clips:
http://www.year2000.com/y2karticles.html
http://www.nytimes.com/library/tech/reference/millennium-index.html
http://www.techweb.com/wire/story/y2k/TWB19980527S0001
http://news.bbc.co.uk/
http://www.examiner.com/
Survival Guide:
http://www.SurviveY2K.com/About_The_Book.html
List of possibly effected systems:
http://www.uiowa.edu/~team2000/otheritems.html
Eight myths about the "Millemium Bug"
http://www.cnet.com/Content/Features/Dlife/Millbug/ss09.html
A great personal "to do" list for Y2K:
http://www.uiowa.edu/~team2000/millenniumtodos.htm
Government Services Administration Master Site:
http://www.itpolicy.gsa.gov/mks/yr2000/y2karts.htm
http://www.itpolicy.gsa.gov/mks/yr2000/y2khome.htm
Electrical Utilities and Power and Y2K:
http://www.y2ktimebomb.com/Computech/Issues/mrtn9809iv.htm
http://www.euy2k.com
http://www.accsyst.com/writers/note.htm
http://www.nrdc.org/nrdc/nrdc/nrdcpro/utilprof/utilitys.html
General and Excellent Y2K Awareness:
http://www.y2kttimebomb.com
http://www.year2000.com/
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/roleigh_martin/y2klinks.htm
http://www.yardeni.com/
http://www.yardeni.com/y2kbook.html#B1.1
http://www.yardeni.com/y2kbook.html
http://www.csis.org/
http://www.csis.org/html/y2klinks.html
http://www.csis.org/html/y2ktran.html
http://www.y2knews.com/
The "Mother of all Links" for Y2K:
http://pw2.netcom.com/~helliott/00.htm
Federal Reserve Board on Y2K:
http://www.bog.frb.fed.us/y2k/
http://www.bog.frb.fed.us/y2k/frbcdc.htm#keysite
Congressional Research Study
http://www.SurviveY2K.com/CRS_Study.html
Another site of sites with survival links:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/roleigh_martin/y2klinks.htm
More Emergency Prep:
http://www.beprepared.com/Support/company.html
http://www.millennium-ark.net/News_Files/Hollys.html
http://www.baproducts.com/emerprep.htm
Supplies:
http://theepicenter.com/bookvdo.html#epmw
http://www.baproducts.com/seeds.htm
http://www.baproducts.com/readyres.htm
http://www.baproducts.com/baygen.htm
http://survivalcenter.com/foodstor.html
MRE Availability and Sites:
http://www.geoduck.com/epicenter/order.cgi
http://theepicenter.com/bookvdo.html#epmw
Money/Time Site:
http://www.pathfinder.com/money/y2k/index.html
http://www.pathfinder.com/time/magazine/1998/dom/980615/technology_apocalypse.html
Food Storage Sites:
http://waltonfeed.com/self/default.htm
http://survivalcenter.com/foodstor.html
Y2K and Your PC:
http://support.intel.com/support/year2000/assess.htm
http://www.nstl.com/
peacedog1 7/9/98 10:16pm
The first problem with the Y2K problem is that it encourages 100 line messages in forums. Why don't we simply roll the calendar back to 1900? Wouldn't that solve it all?
neucom:
"Why don't we simply roll the calendar back to 1900? Wouldn't that solve it all?"
Actually, you've just described the PROBLEM.
Message 170
08:59am Jul 10, 1998 EST
If [people] start worrying about banking systems they may well try to take their money out of banks whether Y2K compliant or not, well before the year 2000. So bank runs may well occur in the run up before 1/1/2000.
No programmer on earth can code his way around that. If there are bank runs, it will be due to apocalyptic fear-mongering more than any real threat. Everyone I've ever talked to in the banking industry assures me that banks have always kept manual procedures in place in the event of computer failures.
A nuclear power plant and other facilities that present potential safety hazards for the public must have a functioning 911 and emergency rescue service available locally or else be forced to shut down. A computer problem in a fire department or ambulance service for example, could force the closing of a power plant in the same city.
And how long do you think people are going to sit around with no power due to a mere regulation?
Yes, there will be some problems. But I'm coming to the conclusion that the most serious threat will be the reaction of folks who seem to be in dire need of a millennial end-of-the-world scenario. Hey, is that a comet?
Message 171
09:40am Jul 10, 1998 EST
OK, so one thing we know for sure is there is no shortage of information available on Y2K to anyone who wants to learn about it. There is alot of very good information and alot of very bad information but that's for each person to decide. Now that public awareness is growing, though, it would seem foolish for anyone who cares for the well-being of their family or themselves not to at least research the situation and come to their own conclusions. It would also seem foolish not to take elementary precautions to insure you have adequate shelter, heat, water, and food no matter what happens. Even if Y2K disaster scenarios don't come about, I know I'm prepared for any extended power outages. Last winter the ice storms in New England knocked out power to towns around me for up to several weeks. That time I was just lucky. Basic preparation is simply prudent. My neighbor asked me the other day "What are you going to do if you make all these preparations and nothing happens?" "Be thankful nothing went wrong and be happy that I'm prepared for anything" I replied, then asked him "What are you going to do if Y2K does happen?" Of course he had no answer. If the meteorologists predicted a 50% chance of your town being devastated by hurricanes, would you do nothing to protect your family?
As far as the people claiming that the only alarmists warning of dire Y2K consequences are the ones profiting from it, that is simply not true. Federal government and state government reports are some of the most dire of them all. But again, read for yourself and decide.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
cuchulane :
You echo my sentiments. An old saying goes, "It is better to be with an umbrella when it does'nt rain than to be without it when it does" and of course the snappy "better safe than sorry".
Tawasson has it right. The issue is only an issue because those in the halls of power are shortsighted enough to say that if it doesn't affect this quarter's statement, then it doesn't effect them. When we first raised Y2K issues to our management staff 2 years ago, their statement was, "Okay, then we'll switch over to a new program in December of 1999. Now, go away, you pesky little IS department." There was no allowance for testing. No interest in evaluating different paths. No talk of examining what could and what could not be kept online.
I'll admit to one good thing about the doomsday predictions: It has caught management's attention and made them realize that if this problem is really as big as the elusive "they" claim--then management's inaction will ultimately be responsible. (Also, if you're in an IS department, good paper trails are a necessity, so we keep very detailed records of exactly WHO told us it was nothing to worry about and they would take the responsibility for any problems.)
There is a high amount of fear, confusion, misunderstanding, false alarms--people who don't understand the problem running around screaming that the sky is falling. What is the best way to counter this? Research it yourself. Don't quote CNN--heck, if they can screw up a story about nerve gas usage in Viet-Nam (which they've had 25 years to study and examine), can you trust them with this? Don't quote newpapers and hearsay--research it yourself. Every major manufacturer has information on Y2K issues on their web-site--or you can call their customer service number and they'll fax it to you--don't have a fax? Ask them to send it to you. Educate yourself.
And to the poor idiot who thinks that the government should "subsidize" your education on this issue... Get off your lard encrusted hiney and put your nose in a book or a web-site. It is not the government's job to make sure you learn what you should already know--it is YOUR job. (And why are you programming in a language that should have been phased out of existance over a decade ago anyway? No one I know of speaks Ancient Sanskrit or Latin or Koine Greek. Get with the program. Visual Basic, SQL, Oracle, C++, heck, even Pascal. Sheesh.) Why should my tax dollars pay for your idiocy? If you can't learn it like the rest of us, then call McDonald's--I'm sure they need help flipping burgers.
For those of you looking for a real solution, let me suggest the following course of action:
1) Identify every piece of hardware, software or firmware you use.
2) Determine if each piece has date/time functions.
3) Those devices which do utilize date/time functions will need to be researched. (This can be as simple as calling your burgler alarm service and asking for a letter--or checking the manufacturer's web-site for tests already conducted.)
4) Any device which does use date/time functions should be tested--regardless of assurances. (You can check around for some competent testing methods.)
5) Any device/program which fails the testing (or is otherwise found to be non-compliant) should be recommended for replacement.
6) Get someone higher than you in management to sign off on your compiled report. In other words, if you have determined that it will cost $10,000 to replace all non-compliant devices, show that to whoever is in charge and have him/her sign it.
7) Once the decision comes down the pike, begin implementations immediately. Don't wait. Get compliant TODAY.
8) Once you are compliant, you must absolutely control every new device or program brought into contact with your systems. Be a "Network Nazi". (I have such an iron glove on our internal networks that if you stuck a lump of coal in my hand, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.)
That's a start. It is an ongoing process. It is never "over". You will be facing problems daily from here until 2010.
(On a side note--you will discover through your testing that your licensing is no
(On a side note--you will discover through your testing that your licensing is not up to par. You might as well start compiling a list of this information as well. You should be aware of all pieces of software, firmware and hardware when you are finished with your audit--it is a small thing to also determine how many copies of each you possess and how many licenses you have.)
If you have a small enough network, you may even be able to sniff out the copies of Network Quake II that "accidently" got loaded into your server... (So THAT'S what's happening to my bandwidth at 3:30 every afternoon....)
12:59pm Jul 10, 1998 EST
ErisX Web Design
To those of you ragging on the guy learning COBOL:
What the Sam Hill is your damage? In case you hadn't noticed, there are a lot of computers still running code that was written in it or FORTRAN. I believe the term is "legacy code". (Speaking of which, I've been told by several people with many years experience in IT that there's a real need for programmers to fix Y2K-noncompliant FORTRAN code as well.) Is that his fault? I think not. What should we do about those? Either the code has to be fixed, or it has to be ported (and fixed in the process) or replaced. And what about all those legacy databases? In either case... Seems to me, IMHO, that you're too busy trying to look down your nose at him to recognize that he's actively trying to do something about the problem.
Message 176
01:05pm Jul 10, 1998 EST
Is Windows 98 Year2000 compliant?
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
Nah, unless it is Windows 1998...
>Is Windows 98 Year2000 compliant? <<
Probably so, after all it is a clone of Macintosh OS 8
03:11pm Jul 10, 1998 EST
jonbeath: Perhaps you're right. I took offense to his lousy views about the government giving a welfare type handout and formulated a generic opinion. There is a need for programmers to fix the legacy code--but in my experience, it has often been easier, faster and more efficient to simply replace that legacy code with something better than to even attempt the fix.
Windows98 is (according to Microsoft) Y2K compliant. If you have Windows95 or 3.1, you need a patch to make it compliant. (Regardless of what MS says about 95 or 3.1, it does need the patch.)
I won't even comment about Windows being "a clone of Macintosh OS 8"--especially since I run Mac OS 8 and they neither look alike, nor function alike. I will admit that Windows does look remarkably similar to the beta version of Apple's "NeXT"--however, I don't know who's knocking off of whom since Windows95 has been out for 2 1/2 years and NeXT is still in Beta (and recently rumored to have been scrapped).
You know, we rag about the big companies failing to share their Y2K info with us--why don't we show them how it's done and swap research. Anyone game?
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, Macintosh OS is Y2K since version 6.0.4--anything prior, however, has problems.
jonbeath in 175:
To those of you ragging on the guy learning COBOL: ... Seems to me, IMHO, that you're too busy trying to look down your nose at him to recognize that he's actively trying to do something about the problem.
You missed a fundamental point. Why are his bosses so myopic as to be nursing obsolete technology for generations. 85% of all problems are directly traceable to top management. The 'guy learning COBOL' has a problem in that he does not have enough experience to recognize this fundamental point. Therefore he fears Year 2000. His mistake is to hype the fears of Year 2000 rather than cite the hypocracy and myopia of his current or future bosses. Top management are the reason for a Year 2000 problem. And they are the reason why there exists a market educating people in obsolete technology.
It is not a personal attack on someone being educated in COBOL. It is an attack on those who have propagated obsolete technologies usually in the name of cost controls. Year 2000 complications only highlight how short sighted a minor number of companies have been. Where Year 2000 software glitches exist, you can damn well bet that there are other similar problems not hyped but just as destructive.
I am reminded of the Challenger. Everyone heard of the O rings. How many heard of the hundreds of other problems, all just as serious that also went unsolved until 7 astronauts were finally killed? Why did the Space Shuttles not fly for 2 years? There were hundreds of other problems that required immediate correction. Year 2000 is the hype that masks many other long ignored problems in some corporations. Cobol is simply an icon of those problems. Year 2000 is, at best, a minor symptom of the real problem.
Message 182
09:44pm Jul 10, 1998 EST
A theme running through many Y2K threads is, "All the doomsayers are just consultants who make money off scaring folks about Y2K - you have to consider the bias of the source when you hear these crazy warnings and predictions".
Well of course this is very good advice.
But consider the the converse. If someone who dismisses Y2K warnings as overblown and hysterical is partially responsible in some way for our lack of preparedness - through sins of commission or omission, then isn't he just as unreliable a source because of his personal bias.
I think Camus said, "No man can condemn himself."
.......TAWASSON PROVOKES,"NAME THE SOURCE".........NEWS AT 11.....
(#165 of 182)
More unsubstanciated rumor. The Year2000 hype - somebody heard the worst case, hyped rumor by some Action News source. OK. Name the source.
Tawasson that statement is nothing more than a cheap speculative opinion laced with a bully attitude.Unsubstanciated rumor?How about JAN.1/2000? Just another day? Now thats an unsubstanciated rumor.For every substanciated rumor concerning that date theres always another one to unsubstanciate it.Its like a war and the victor will only be revealed at that time.
Ask the Year2000 hypster about this. He probably cannot even name the very common part numbers of Date/Time Real Time clock chips. No knowledge. No experience. Lots of fear of Year 2000.
But the hype of the illiterate continues the Year 2000 scare because they don't come from where the work gets done.
Tawasson, the impression I get from these statements is that according to you if someone doesn't have a wall full of framed computer course graduation certificates or isn't gainfully employed in some computer field,then they have no business commenting on Y2K. All they'll do is scare people.In your world I'm sure you'd have these people delegated to "assume their position",a.k.a."The Stepford Wives" syndrome("Isn't life wonderful in our compliant world?,I'm grateful everythings compliant,I just love using my compliant vaccuum cleaner,won't you stay for a cup of coffee brewed from my compliant coffee maker?........)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Furthermore, name a single computer in your home subject
to Year 2000 failure. You cannot. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
My video camera,my VCR,security alarm system,my PC. Small potatoes.Come Jan.1/2000 my main concern would be going to my bank intent on withdrawing $500 and and having my bank manager say to me,"Sorry Casper but due to our computer data snafu we don't have any record confirming you have an account with us.We can't give you any funds but we'll investigate this further.But you'll have to take a complaint number.Here let me help you.Your number is 4,622.Thank You,... next!!" Another concern would be arriving at work only to have my boss say,"Sorry Casper but we've got some serious supplier glitches on our hands.Effective immediately you're indefinitely laid off.We'll call you when to come back.If you don't hear from us in a month,forget us.That'll mean that we've gone belly up!"Lastly come Jan.1/2000 if I ask my wife to make me some eggs for breakfast,I hope she won't say,"Sure Honey,but I need more heat to fry them.Can you throw another 2x4 in the oil drum to bump up these flames?"
One GPS
"source"......http://garynorth.entrewave.com/mirrors/gn/GND_RecordView .cfm?RecordlD=32
casper974 in 183:
"Sorry Casper but due to our computer data snafu we don't have any record confirming you have an account with us.We can't give you any funds but we'll investigate this further.But you'll have to take a complaint number.Here let me help you.Your number is 4,622.Thank You,... next!!"
Sorry Casper but we've got some serious supplier glitches on our hands.Effective immediately you're indefinitely laid off.
Please go read post 181. Then you will understand what is meant when I say "So why have you been doing business with them? Clearly this is not the first time they screwed you."
As for your PC, if you are using any Microsoft OS or most of the others, then you have no Year 2000 problem.
Message 185
10:21am Jul 12, 1998 EST
>>As for your PC, if you are using any Microsoft OS or most of the others, then you have no Year 2000 problem.<<<
According to documentation published by Microsoft, they have not completed testing of all of their operating systems yet, and some versions of windows NT are suspect. Older versions of MSDOS will not be tested.
As far as a PC goes, it's the time set in the BIOS chip that will cause the problems, not the system clock used by the operating system. While you can change the system clock to read any date effectively, there are many BIOS chips that can't and after powering down and rebooting the non-compliant BIOS chips can cause problems. Two free testing programs are available... one at www.rightime.com, and another from the Small Business Administration (sorry, I don't have the link readily available.)
As for who's fault this is, whether programmers or top management, or IT or IS departments... who cares at this juction? That issue can be settled when the dust clears and will in the long run most likely improve the way institutions operate, but for now all that matters is doing the best repair and prevention possible and making at least the basic preparations for potential problems.
A very important message buried in the Y2k issue is that management MUST be held to a higher standard by the technical community henceforth. I was one who failed to insist that we reprogram and re-design our software as we upgraded computers time after time (though I did go to the brink several times). Now the old ways, which were in those years good ways, have nipped us good. Old software is worse than old haardware, though not so apparent.
(pre-post-postmodern)
management MUST be held to a higher standard by the technical community henceforth.
How? By strategic bombing with Dilbert clippings?
Seriously, how?
cuchulane in 185:
According to documentation published by Microsoft, they have not completed testing of all of their operating systems yet, and some versions of windows NT are suspect.
To put that into perspective - if the OS is supporting a real time system, then there may be a remote problem. MS has not yet put their stamp of approval on all software. But for us common users, there is no problem.
In PCs, the standard real time clock is the Motorola MC146818 and second sourced by others. Properly designed, this chip has no Year 2000 problem. Many free programs test and demonstrate this. However, some major BIOS manufacturers were suppose to raise a flag in CMOS when 2000 occured. Many did not. No problem. Every MS OS and many other major OSes note this failure and adjust accordingly. If your machine is off when Year 2000 occurs, the MS OS may ask you to reneter the date. No problem.
However if you are running a real time system, this might, only maybe, might be a problem. MS will not say A-OK until they are 100% sure. The common user has no problem. Yet the Year 2000 hypsters are negligent when they don't understand this. That is probably why they fear so loudly. Someone even thinks his VCR will stop working because of Year 2000. Maybe, but then that is what happens when you buy off the back of a truck.
Message 189
09:17pm Jul 13, 1998 EST
Y2K Question
It seems to me that if a many computer/software combination are not Y2K ready, there should already be examples of actual cases of date miscalculations. For example, mortgage, loans, long term investments, time payment coupons, calendar programs, astronomical and NASA object position predictions of orbiting objects: all of these and many others rely on computations done covering the years 1998 well into the 2000's. How come we only hear of the doomsday scenarios, but never of real cases related to the topics above? Certainly, some of these should have already occurred.
ramunasm:
Good point.
What you're not taking into account, though, is the fact that SOMETHING has to destroy the world on 1/1/2000 and the Y2K bug is the best candidate so far. Hey, even Pat Robertson is getting on the bandwagon!
ramunasm,
Perhaps those scientists and financial analysts making such calculations use programs that have a mmddyyyy format for dates.
Message 192
11:37am Jul 14, 1998 EST
The Sunday NYTimes had a frontpage article on the Y2K test the NYSE was to run Monday, July 13th at 09h30. So far I've found no mention of the results in the press and I am curious whether those on the forum can shed some light on hte subject.
ramunasm:
quite a few instances have already appeared, such as:
PCMH Biomedical Dept. ventilators fail when set for year 2000
National Health Service computers wiping out records for operations scheduled after 2000
One supermarket chain had it's card scanners freeze up everytime it scanned credit cards with expiration dates past 2000
AMC Theater chains reject credit cards with 00 exp. dates.
Computers in a large retail food chain strated rejecting canned goods with exp dates past 2000 as being almost 100 years old.
CACI reports Submarine Fire Control Systems for ICBM's went into fail-safe mode when year 2000 date was entered and couldn't be operated.
General Motors factory floor robots "froze and stopped operations" when set to year 2000.
Chrysler corp reported "lots of surprises" when they set plant to year 2000, including the security system refusing to allow anyone in or out.
3M corp had their computer system freeze up when material purchase orders where entered extending past year 2000.
Both BankBoston of New England and CityBank of New York had started encountering computer problems regarding records and computations extending past 2000. BankBoston reported encountering considerable problems as far back as 1994, which "helped us get an earlier jump on resolving the problem.
The Social Security Administration encountered Year 2000 problems long ago which is why they are ahead of the pack in the Federal Government.
The Mass state government and the Ma State Registry of Motor Vehicles have already reported problems related to year 2000.
There are quite a few more incidents available on a plethora of websites if you wish to research them.
Also, many of the problems related to year 2000 will possibly occur with systems when they are actually at the date. Programmable Logic Controllers are especially suspect.
Someone also stated earlier that elevators will not be susceptible to Y2K problems since they operate on a simple "on-off" premise. In fact elevators in most large buildings run through a "black-box" device which is date sensitive and that will automatically shut down elevators for routine maintenance after a certain time expires (though not in the middle of operations - no one will be stranded between floors). Testing on several elevator systems have already shown this to be a problem, as the control system thought the elevator was 100 years overdue for servicing.
Message 194
12:18pm Jul 14, 1998 EST
Go the the usa today site -- two articles on the Wall Street test results == so far, so good. Don't know why NYT hasn't posted an ariticle....
What the Y2K bug says about our increasing reliance on technology is that we are concerned with the present over the future. What was a good business decision at the time on cutting costs by saving data storage space has come back to haunt us. We (humans) have done this time and again with our natural environment. Why would do anything different with the artifical environments we create?
Let us hope we start to learn from our short-sighted judgements.
Mr.D.
Okay, to those of you seriously interested in SOLVING this issue instead of simply chatting about it, send me an e-mail and we'll start sharing information about systems we have tested and how they respond to the tests.
This invitation is for serious IS professionals only.
evanmoore@aol.com
Message 197
11:15pm Jul 14, 1998 EST
groderick in 192:
The Sunday NYTimes had a front page article on the Y2K test the NYSE was to run Monday, July 13th at 09h30 ... I've found no mention of the results in the press ...
Of course not. Little problems were encountered in the first day of testing. Therefore it is not newsworthy. The whole Y2000 event is a classic example of old men in robes chanting "The world will end tomorrow". The first time these hypsters did this, it was news worthy simply because everyone fears the future. When everyone has knowledge, then those hypsters will quickly disguise themselves as normal people.
cuchulane in 193 noted how completely this presumed problem has been investigated. They actually found some problems (gasp). Many problems are the same old credit card programs probably originally written in COBOL and not updated. Notice how most problems concentrate in a few industries.
rjrobinson1 in 186 has come from where the work gets done. He doesn't post "end of the earth" hype. But he does note why some companies will have Year 2000 problems. Note that 85% of all problems are directly traceable to top management. In his case, management was made of brick - thick brick.
But the important lesson on 1 Jan 2000 is - So many people have little knowledge and yet will preach great fears. There are many ways to cry fire in the theater. Year2000 is just the latest version. If you did not see past those hypster, then write me. I have a bridge for sale.
11:39pm Jul 14, 1998 EST
Ed Yardeni the renowned economist was at the June 2 conference of the Center for Strategic and International Studies and said this:
Today, Asia is toast. In the year 2000, Asia will be burnt toast. In Asia, they have a year 1998 problem. Most companies have a 90-day business plan of how they're going to stay in business for the next 90
days. They are doing this month by month over in Asia. They have totally been distracted and resourced away from dealing with the year
2000 problem.
What's he talking about? He's an economist not a computer expert nor is he from where the work gets done.He scares me.No knowledge in computer programming and he has the gall to say that?What does he really mean?I think its an inside tip for market players.And I think its in code.I think I've figured it out.
IF Asia=Toast then Asia+Y2K=Burnt Toast
IF INVESTMENTS=NULL then goto EXIT else
LIQUIDATE=A.S.A.P.
Now I'd like to get into the problem of SOLVING this issue of Y2K.Some people and or institutions have had the audacity to attempt to rectify Y2K behind the scenes away from the public.I wonder if they ever heard the United Way slogan:Caring is Sharing.
Recently the FDIC reiterated that banks are strictly prohibited from publicly revealing any information on their Year 2000 assessment rating.This info is hush-hush.Don't you think that with time running out and with such an important issue at hand that we should throw out this exclusive pompous puffery and join the human race?Together we stand,divided we fall.
tawasson in 197 has gotten it right. Millenial hysterias always reflect everyday fear and ignorance, nothing new about that.
Just like religious delusions revolve around sexuality, death and suffering.
People are afraid of change and look for a way to draw a picture their fears, that's the 2000 bug in a nutshell. The real threat is minimal, the percieved threat is enormous and the vultures are gathering in big, big flocks.
There IS NO Y2K "bug."
There IS, of course, a massive problem as a result of just plain dumb design decisions. There are many companies that aren't doing any Y2K remediation of their own programs - they don't need it; they had competent management involved in the design. Back in the early 1980s, the companies that I worked at recognized that large systems have 20-30 year lifetimes, and insisted on storing dates as 4 characters, or as binary numbers (which support even more digits).
I say, make the old management teams (or the current CEOs who were in charge when the dumb decisions were made), pay out of their own pockets. Corporate management shouldn't be allowed to play "heads I win, tails you loose."
Again, it's no bug. It was deliberate design cheating.
"End-of-the-worlders" will be with us... well, until the end of the world. And doom and gloom hypsters certainly can have a field day with such a grand event as the end of a millenium. It's unfortunate that the very nature of the Y2K issue is tied to the millenium, because not only does it play into the hands of these types of folk, but it also gives anyone an excuse to dismiss any kind of dire warnings out of hand. Anyone issuing warnings of the potential for disaster related to Y2K can be written off as a crackpot or an opportunist hypster because the streets are full of them.
In researching the Y2K situation, I've always kept my grains of salt readily at hand and my skeptisism meter set to high. I always check the positions, titles, and bios of the authors or the originators and weigh in to account what they stand to profit from what they are saying. Because of this I do reject much of what I come across. On the other hand, there is a growing amount of evidence, from what I consider reliable sources, that has convinced me that at the very least it is prudent to take precautions to insure the well being of my family as much as is possible.
It would seem unwise to "throw out the baby with the bathwater" by rejecting any urgent warnings related to Y2K because of all the millenial crackpots running loose. You may have to strain to hear them through the din of madness, but there are responsible people in positions to know who are issuing some important warnings related to Y2K.
There IS NO Y2K "bug."
There IS, of course, a massive problem as a result of just plain dumb design decisions. There are many companies that aren't doing any Y2K remediation of their own programs - they don't need it; they had competent management involved in the design. Back in the early 1980s, the companies that I worked at recognized that large systems have 20-30 year lifetimes, and insisted on storing dates as 4 characters, or as binary numbers (which support even more digits).
I say, make the old management teams (or the current CEOs who were in charge when the dumb decisions were made), pay out of their own pockets. Corporate management shouldn't be allowed to play "heads I win, tails you loose."
Again, it's no bug. It was deliberate design cheating.
02:44pm Jul 15, 1998 EST
You know, there are two extremes in this situation: the doomsayers, who you guys have been trashing lately (and rightly so) and then those who deny that there is any problem. You have to be careful in that just because hundreds of crackpots say something is going to happen, you automatically believe that it WON'T happen. Sometimes, usually unkown to them, they are more right than they themselves would want to believe! Do I think the 2000 bug will destroy our technical society? No. Do I believe that there is a very real, critical situation here that has to be dealt with, now? YES!
I would also like to respond to eugenefalik, who blames the shortsightedness of previous managers for the problem. In one aspect, your right, we wouldn't have this problem if ALL of the early system administrators had the forsight to prepare for this event. However, I would caution you on being too critical. In this day and age, with the rapid changes occuring in IT, the ability to predict and prepare for any number of problems that may occurr, even in the next month, is a tall order in itself. In short, who knows how many "bugs" in the coming years will be blamed on the "shortsightedness" of people like you and me?
The wisest thing I've read in this forum was by casper974 "together we stand, divided we fall." Our opinions don't matter. What's to come is what's to come. There is no sense in looking for someone to blame. For those who pray--this is the time to kick into higher gear. We need to work together and help eachother prepare for whatever it is that will befall us all. God bless us all!
Message 206
07:51pm Jul 15, 1998 EST
Just a note on the Wall Street testing. Realize that the report of things going well so far only refers to the test setup. The first day of testing was set up as Dec 29th. I believe the roll over date of the test will be Thursday at midnight. I, for one, hope the tests go well. It will at least (and at most) confirm that some repair methods are working.
Has anyone thought of how much money we saved by using the two digit year in all the earlier systems? Remember when 4k was a hugh amount of very expensive memory? Some people think that the money we saved by using the 2 digit year will turn out to be just about equal to what we'll have to spend to correct the y2k problem.
This is a test to see how much material can be fitted into the "Second line of information" In order to gauge this, one just keeps typing. Also, <i> I would like to see if the formatting commands work.</i> I also wont to know if one can copy material from the notepad into this window.
American managers are notorious for being unwilling to plan beyond a fiscal year. That's because they live or die by the bottom line in the annual financial report. Consequently, they have very little interest in the long-term health of the corporation.
I'm pretty new to this whole computer thing as I only purchased one this year for the first time. I can see where there can be a big problem due to the lack of foresight on some peoples parts or intentional design flaws to generate more sales as the century comes to a close. From a personal standpoint, I intend to have personal printed records readily available in case it does happen. All bank statements, loan agreements, insurance policies, revolving accounts, etc. etc. Just as a a matter of having a place to start (for records) in the event that the large companies and corporations that effect our lives loose their databases or records. I think that the market will be flooded with upgrades and new equipment from now to 2000 and that the real winners will be the various computer and related companies. They kind of have us by the ba*ls, so to speak. No offense ladies and gentlemen.
Actually, I am more worried about the computers that are used in various National Defense systems more than anything. Hope we don't get caught with our pants down.
huckfinn2,
Yours is a very good concern. I also wonder about the large databases of classified documents and scientific research information
that might be harmed by the y2k problem.
09:11am Jul 16, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
From today's Wall Street Journal:
Even as most companies are aggressively grappling with potential software glitches when the year turns 2000, many companies and government agencies in Thailand are sitting pretty. It turns out they use the Buddhist calendar, which is already at year 2541.
>>>>Even as most companies are aggressively grappling with potential software glitches
when the year turns 2000, many companies and
government agencies in Thailand are sitting
pretty. It turns out they use the Buddhist
calendar, which is already at year 2541.<<<<<
Good thing none of their Programmable Logic Controllers, System Control Devices, main frame BIOS, Black Box controllers, etc. are foreign made, huh? Or that they don't have to interact with any foreign banks, financial institutions, or companies, eh? Oh, they do? Ooops, guess they're not sitting as pretty as they think.
Robert Showalter showalte@macc.wisc.edu
People acting in technical groups must make decisions, and some of them will be mistakes. The year 2000 bug is such a mistake. It is being much discussed, resources are being mobilized, and people are trying to fix it. The efforts to fix have been fairly readily mobilized, expensive as they are, because the problem is easily understood, and understood by a broad public, not just specialists.
"Bugs" that are not understood can be quite as damaging. If one thinks one sees such a bug, getting a hearing can be hard going. In the PI IN THE SKY forum in MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE, I've been discussing such a bug extensively. (#871-#872) , and also suggesting that these New York Times forums can make our society safer, clearer, and better-checked, because they offer both intellectual sophistication and a substantial right to speak. In the section hotkeyed above, I include this:
I've worked on this problem, with a member of the National Academy of Engineering right beside me until his recent death, for almost a decade. It hasn't been easy to get a hearing.
Before something can be "checkable" it has to be "thinkable."
We've faced a paradigm impasse. These forums are good for paradigm clarification.
Here's a question for this forum. A person says
The subject is serious. Yet the message is unwelcome. How easy is it to ignore both message and messenger, for the wrong reasons?
In a world where mistakes do happen, that question seems serious to me.
"Help us kill the Bug to the 21st Century?"
Times reporter John Broder in "Clinton sees computer bug as major test" (7/15/19 98) wrote that
this was the President's first addressing of the potential crisis.
Actually, he addressed it at the M.I.T. graduation a few weeks ago.
"I want you to know that we are also working to address the threat to our prosperity posed by the
Year 2000 Bug. I tried and tried to find out what the class hack project was for the Class of '98 and
I failed. But I did learn that in the year 2000, the graduating class is proposing to roll all of our
computers back by 100 years. And I am determined to thwart you. I will do my best." (Laughter.)
-- White House Transcript
Scott Feldmeyer, covering this in Milwaukee, unlike the Journal Sentinel
I've also heard there is a year 2030(?) Unix bug, that so far, no one is worrying about. Sound familiar?
Unix measures time in seconds since 71.
By the year 2038, 64 bits will not be
enough to hold that large a number. I
am sure with Y2K behind us, we will
solve that problem well in advance.
Y2K wasn't taken seriously until 1995 by
a majority of people. And for the past
3 decades people who were programming
were aware that their programs would not
work when the century turned. "I won't
be around" attitude then has created
this problem where programmers have to
fix programs written by others. ie
Someelse is cleaning your mess and you are
cleaning someone else's mess
08:45pm Jul 16, 1998 EST
mjafar has made an interesting and accurate reference
to the problem from a programming point of view.
In most companies the ethos has always been get the
job done as quickly as possible. It makes the
programmer look good as well as his supervisor.
One of the obvious ways to have cut corners in the
past was to bypass the additional overhead of having
to create special routines, enlarge record lengths, by
changing a 2-digit year to a four-digit.
The irony is that many of the same programmers who were
responsible for these oversights are currently being
hired by companies to correct the problem. And they
are getting paid well to do it.
My suspicion is that much of the technology in this
country is guided by a similar orientation toward
getting the job done; that is, worry about how well
done later!
We are rewarded most by fulfilling the objective of getting
the job done on time. Consideration of quality is a distant second.
mjafar & bbbbo:
Y2K was not caused by lazy programmers. It is no more difficult to handle a four-digit year than a two-digit one. It was simply a matter that storage and memory were very expensive in the old days and in 1974, it just didn't make much sense to use all the extra resouces needed to handle four-digit years. The older operating systems didn't even use four-digit years internally, therefore allocating four bytes for the year in a program would be virtually worthless anyway. Few people suspected that so many of these old mainframe systems would be still be with us now.
Y2K HUMOUR
Seems like a lot of feathers are getting ruffled.Lets all take one step back and slowly breathe deeply in and out 10 times. Today is wonderful and tomorrow will be too.I offer a break in the seriousness to present a humourous side to Y2K.
Recently a team of ultra-ambitious,overzealous,near-genius computer specialists decided to get together to test(in secret)various items that could be subject to Y2K calamities.They agreed that in order do a thorough job that they should test virtually every mechanism known to man.
A certain Mr.E.M.Pyrite,head of the team,e-mailed me a copy of their preliminary findings.
We began our first tests on 4 models of common household vaccuum cleaners.After a series of exhaustive,labour intense tests we concluded that on the whole the common household vaccuum cleaner is DEFINITELY Y2K COMPLIANT.We also noted in our report that our testing facilities are now as clean as a whistle.
Next we tested the average household coffeemaker.After rolling the clock forward on the coffeemaker we analyzed the various changes if any this would produce.After careful test comparisons we unanimously agreed that since throughout the tests the coffee tasted the same,no one should have any problems with their coffeemaker come the year 2000.
Is it true that the use of two-digit dates stems largely from the textbook, "The Preparation of Programs for an Electronic Digital Computer," by Wilkes, et. al. Cambridge University Press, 1951?
The most basic reason I can thin of goes much further back than mainframes. The earliest computers in the 40's were hardwired for certain operation. To do date computations with say, the last 2 digits, you would need a circuit wired for digits. When you go to 4 digits it doesn't increase the complexity by a factor of 2, it increases it by a factor of 4. Once the precedent was set, it stuck with us.
I might be wrong, but I'm guessing.
Message 223
11:16am Jul 17, 1998 EST
bucko5 7/17/98 10:21am states:
The most basic reason I can thin of goes much further back than mainframes. The earliest computers in the 40's were hardwired for certain operation. To do date computations with say, the last 2 digits,
you would need a circuit wired for digits. When you go to 4 digits it doesn't increase the complexity
by a factor of 2, it increases it by a factor of 4. Once the precedent was set, it stuck with us.
I might be wrong, but I'm guessing.
I'm not sure if you are totally right or wrong, but at our PC meeting last night the old timers told me that the Hollerith card had only 80 columns. One of the guys said that he approached his boss about the potential benefits of going to a 4 digit date and his boss said the card space is too precious to do that no matter how beneficial that may be in the future.
11:24am Jul 17, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
You're on the right track. Space was precious back then. Anybody here -- since we all have enough horsepower to run web browsers -- has a machine with more memory than most mainframes of the fifties and sixties. More memory by an order of magnitude, at least.
I think that we are a society which depends a lot of computers, so everytime we are going to have problems with the information
manage, especialy about time. The most difficult problem to solve
is how can we measure one variable which is infinite with finite
tools?.
On my point of view, we have to look for another way to measure
time if we don't want to have more problems like Y2K and the 2030.
Optimism pays, so do Pessimists
and not to mention the reluctance to make data entry operators enter two more characters every time they entered dates...
11:58am Jul 17, 1998 EST
Aside: I heard some talk about a Dow Jones Index 10,000 problem. Has anyone else heard about this?
rookcrook
:
I've heard the same thing. Supposedly, if the Dow cracks 10K, the whole stock exchange system will go belly-up. Can anyone contribute anything that will substantiate this? (Or put it definitively to rest?)
About Y2K, a comment if I may.
It's a sticky wicket, which will haunt us one day.
The uncertainties being presented by so called experts,
Run the gamut of disaster to minor computer spurts.
The problem which exists in my humble mind,
Is will we still be able in 2,000 to be kind.
Or will we be so preoccupied with Y2K,
Rendering ourselves inop on that fateful day?
Jack Butler
ErisX Web Design
Look, I honestly don't know about the Dow 10K+ thing, and, not having any funds to invest in the stock market, I really don't care. But it would have been nice to get a serious and informed answer to my question instead of being quipped at.
03:15pm Jul 17, 1998 EST
>>>As if anybody would believe a refutation, in this panic-prone atmosphere?<<<<
So many things in life are a matter of perspective. While you see an atmosphere of panic, many others are astounded at the general public indifference to the Y2K problem. As usual, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
If anyone would like some GOOD news about Y2k, there is a nice letter to Alan Simpson explaining why the railroads will not be crippled by Y2K. Here is the link:
http://www.comlinks.com/guestbook/guestbook.html
scroll down a bit to the letters area.
ErisX Web Design
I said, "serious and informed answer": what I meant was, "Why do some people apparently think this will be a problem?" and "Why isn't it a problem?" Perhaps I should have used the qualifier "informational". I don't doubt what you're saying, just_john, and I'm not trying to start a tussle here -- as a matter of fact, I have read and enjoyed your posts (and often agreed with them) in a number of conversations here at the NYT Forums. I was just hoping for a little more background, that's all, because I'm pretty ignorant of the situation regarding the Dow. Thanks.
Message 234
05:43pm Jul 17, 1998 EST
My battle front with the Y2K issue is almost concluded. My company is 81.3% compliant. That is, 81.3% of the software, firmware and hardware tested revealed no problems until the year 2010--some even longer.
The remainder includes 11.4% of our systems already scheduled to be phased out before the Y2K. Only 1 system will have to be reprogrammed--and, of all things, it's on a Macintosh (which is supposed to be compliant till virtually eternity). However, the in-house programmer chose not to use the system toolbox for date/time functions and wrote in his own funky timekeeping routine.
By December 1, 1998, we will be 100% compliant. We store all our financial and customer records both electronically and on paper. We also maintain monthly backups of our system for 5 years.
In a worst case scenario, we will lose 12 hours worth of information. But, since those 12 hours happen over the weekend, when no one is working here--it is a moot point.
My contacts with our vendors, our suppliers and our customers have shown me that the bulk of companies are not rushing to doomsday--but are, instead, taking the careful, methodical steps to verifying they will be compliant in time. I know of no company, with which we have contact, who are behind schedule.
How's that for a dose of reality? I have a lot more fear of being struck with an asteroid or earthquake than I do of Y2K.
08:18pm Jul 17, 1998 EST
Today's rekference to the Y2K program minor or major problems is actually a fear that the
higher powers & the key-holders to heaven's gate and the rest of the people and the like who hold
all sacred, have not finally returned the favor of the inhumanity of those who strive for a better life>
Simply put it is my humble opinion that the classic phrase:"Oh! the humanity" & "Have no fear, the
shadow knows!" have finally reached a stage where the rocket pace of science fiction NASA
missions to Mars can also be seen to have a relegious Christmas spirit in the joys of collecting an
ode to peace in the churchstate fashion that propeled todays days of reason from the schisims
between all the things of the spirit and Mankinds' endowments!
Marc Raymond Wolsky AMEN
& from those of us at NASA's VoyagerDuece & Premiere
PEACE and GOODWILL to all the nations of the Earth and the Heavens
Message 236
10:02pm Jul 17, 1998 EST
I posted a message on the ZDNET site conducted by Alfred Poor. I asked how yr2000 would effect "home" computers. A Ms Katie Powell sent me to the following address, on the web, to download a program that will tell if a home computer is yr2000 compliant. The address is:
http://www.nstl.com/html/ymark 2000.html
By using this small program I found that my computer IS compliant.
Tony Conca.
The Finnish Fantom
I'd like to know a bit more about where we've come from on the Y2K phenomeneon.
Clearly, all programmers worth any salt at all knew what they were doing in 1990 or earlier (they ask a lot more obtuse questions than 'is this thing supposed to stop running in 1999?' on a very regular, professional basis)
So does anyone know of any 'non-conspiracy' type literature -- books or mags -- which really goes back and traces this (non)development?
As a dyed-in-the-wool last-minute type myself I'd like to know a little bit more about how we got to this 'panic position' when there was certainly nothing secret about the coming problem -- and as I can well imagine, there were 10's and 100's of lower echelon programmers asking 'hey, do you realize ----?' (mind you, this group of 'hey' people is, of course, a miniscule % of all those who noticed but could care less as long as the coming six-pack or cafe latte was to be paid for by the weekly pay check. -- yes, six-pack and cafe latte people seem to have equal social responsibility indices as long as they get to wet their lips at required intervals with their chosen beverage.)
So a pointer to 'further literature' would be most appreciated.
(PBS had a good program, today, by the way -- see --
wwww.sciencefriday.com)
3 POSSIBLE SCENARIOS FOR JAN.7/2000 11:32 a.m.
SCENARIO #1 Jan.7/2000 11:32 a.m.
"I knew it,I knew it,I knew it!Those doomsayers were full of it,up to here!Here we are on the 7th and everythings the same!I knew those fools were trying to suck everybody in, those lazy,trying to make a buck out of scaring people! I'd like to see there faces now....hope they stay in the
hills!"
SCENARIO # 2 Jan.7/2000 11:32 a.m.
"Honey, get a load of this telephone bill!It says we owe for last month,$3,000,428.16 .Ha!Ha!Ha!I just called them up and they said they'd send out the correct bill this afternoon.I think I'm gonna frame this one!A couple of intermittent power outages out west but nothing serious.They said on TV they'd have them all fixed by the end of today.This y2k bug is really not that big a deal!"
SCENARIO # 3 Jan.7/2000 11:32 a.m.
"Honey,this no hydro for a week is getting on my nerves!We're running out of food and we can't get away from here!Someone siphoned the gas out of our van last night!(sound of glass breaking)(whispers)Sssshhhh!!! Someones breaking in our house!!Honey,grab the kids and hide in the basement!"(grabs a hammer and hides behind door)
07:54am Jul 18, 1998 EST
An on-line html calendar for year 2000 may be found at
"http://www.chesco.com/~nicks/year2000.html".
Yes, the year 2000 is a leap year.
The Finnish Fantom
Thought 2000 was a special year when the leap year was to be skipped??
I have an old SPARCstation IPC running the old SunOS 4.1.3. It fits nicely on a book shelf and runs a lot of good UNIX software. However, the OS does not understand dates beyond 1999, so I called Sun Microsystems to find out how much they charged for the Y2K patch (all other patches for this OS can be downloaded for free, but NOT the Y2K patch.) The information I got may be a warning to many people and businesses trying to address the Y2K bug: the Y2K patch for Sun's old OS costs $695, which is considerably more than the $450 price for Sun's latest version of the full OS! Sounds like a Y2K ripoff? I think it does.
P.S. I'd rather not upgrade to the new operating system right now because I don't have the time to recompile and test my applications.
xnykx:
The rule:
All years divisble by four are leap years,
EXCEPT for years divisible by 100 which are NOT leap years,
UNLESS the year is divisble by 400, in which case it would be a leap year.
1800 and 1900 were not leap years, but 2000 will be.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. --Mark Twain
Tonyconca
I tried the website you posted but it came up as an error.
As a non-jargonspeak (albeit computer literate in the tool's multitude of uses, but not its nuances), I would be beholden to anyone who could discuss the ramifications of the coming "debacle" in terms a common user could understand. While I can foresee some of the problems, many of the people I know who are simply pull-down-window friendly are looking at the 2K problem as another bogus "film-at-11" hype news story. If anyone would care to elaborate, we all would benefit. Thanks.
01:27am Jul 19, 1998 EST
I have been conversing with Novell regarding their lack of support for Netware version 4.10. Novell Netware 4.10 is NOT compliant. You must upgrade to 4.11 for compliance--no patches available.
I have gone round and round with Novell on this issue--they want $1995 for the upgrade and $695 for my SFTIII 4.10 to 4.11 upgrade.
Heck, for that price, I'm buying WindowsNT (already compliant out of the box) and converting over.
Novell has priced themselves right out of my business. Y2K patches should be free and (although it grates my free-market views to say this) there should be a law passed requiring Y2K patches to be freely distributed or the company required to upgrade the software published--this should be for all software published after 1995.
For the same number of users and the same processes, WindowsNT 4.0 will cost me $800. Let's see... $800 vs. $2700... Hmmm... Boy, that's a toughie... Maybe I should check with my accounting manager to see what he thinks... :::Eyeroll:::
I was not being trite... can anyone discuss this in non-hysterical terms for computer users who don't have time to read and re-read every user-group headline? What exactly is going to happen ... is the penguin on top of my computer going to spontaneously blow up on January 1, 2000? I am a pc user who has been a Mac sys-admin for years ... when reformatting/reloading a Mac, we've frequently had the date change to 2004 with no consequence. We just reset the clock. How are the consequences different on a pc?
Macintosh, Macintosh and Macintosh-- they will ALL work sweetly into the year 2040 (since they first came out in the early 80's they have been programmed to handle up to the date 2040!)
When will all you PC suckers, I mean users, see the light?
cmosca:
There are so many different issues (or non-issues in the opinion of some) related to Y2K and computers, programmable logic controllers, system controllers, etc., etc., etc., that they could not possibly be covered adequately in a posting forum. However, there are so many websites regarding the issue besides user-groups that the amount of information good or bad is astounding. Here's a few of the most informative:
Y2K News Magazine - The World's Leading News Magazine for the Year 2000 Millennium Bug Problem
http://www.y2knews.com/
Mother of All Year 2000 (Y2K) Link Centers
http://pw2.netcom.com/~helliott/00.htm
The Year 2000 Information Center - Year 2000 Press Clippings
http://www.year2000.com/articles/NFarticles.html
2k-Times(tm) Home Page - Year 2000 Newspaper
http://www.bluemarble.net/~storageu/y2k.
Also check the government links for The General Accounting Office and The Office of Management and Budget. Also your state government probably has a link. Check The Mother Of All Y2K Link Center listed above.
To both cmosca and cuny123. If the potential problems related to Y2K come to fruition, desktop computers will be the least affected group of computers and also the most inconsequential. And if gloating Mac users find themselves without power, they will be in the same boat as everyone else.
11:39am Jul 19, 1998 EST
The Finnish Fantom
evanmoore
This is one of those cases where the suit-crazy US works:
A class-action suit should be brought against Novell!
++
tbriden
I know those leap year rules -- but had thought year 2000 was still one level of exception down.
Maybe they changed their mind when someone noticed most of the calendars were already planned and/or printed?
12:01pm Jul 19, 1998 EST
Leap Year 1900 vs. 2000
As Matt Wald explained, 1900 was NOT a leap year.
(Ask the Pope why.)
So when 2/29/2000 comes around, a computer thinking it is
1900 won't understand that date.
Scott Feldmeyer
-----------------
NY Times archives
February 9, 1998, Monday
Leap Day 2000 Might Pose Big Problems for Some Computers' Software
Computers that survive New Year's Day 2000 by pretending it is 1900 may function fine -- but only
for 59 days. In a new twist on the so-called year 2000 problem, experts say, Feb. 29 will offer new
opportunities for computers to fail. As is now wide ...
Section: Business/Financial Desk
625 words
By MATTHEW L. WALD
03:37pm Jul 19, 1998 EST
Sure, we'll see the light.....just as soon as you Macintosh idiots (excuse me, I meant users) develop a real user base and software that can compete with what we have on our IBM-PCs. But there is another forum for this argument, so I digress.
Thanks for all the information on the leap-year situation to whoever first posted it, something else fun to anticipate. I personaly have begun to regard the Y2K problem largely as a hype that will not greatly affect me. My files and programs are protected and it should be interesting, if not entertaining, to watch the federal government in the coming months. The prospect of having to do real work must be quite frightening for them. And if they fail, it is something we as a people will have to deal with, not some strange event singularly attacking me. And I can deal with that.
~hugh
The Finnish Fantom
I'm running a bookshop in Finland with that country's biggest selection of computer books --
There has been literature for at least 2 years from normal publishers on this Y2K 'problem' and it was written about profusely before that in many magazines like Byte, PC Mag, etc.
Has anyone got any good sources (non-conspiratory please) of info why this problem is only being widely recognized now?
We've got a sign up -- 'thank God for the last minute -- otherwise nothing would get done'
But this whole thing can't just be simple procrastination, can it?
cuny123 writes:
Macintosh, Macintosh and Macintosh-- they will ALL work sweetly into the year 2040 (since they first came out in the early 80's they have been programmed to handle up to the date 2040!)
When will all you PC suckers, I mean users, see the light?
I'm sorry, dude, you're wrong. Dead wrong. You need to peruse Apple's own web-site a little more often.
ONLY if you are using system 6.0.4 or better is your SYSTEM SOFTWARE on a Macintosh safe for Y2K. ONLY if your application uses the system toolbox for date/time stamps is it safe for Y2K.
Claris--now owned again by Apple--has a program called "FileMaker Pro". Unfortunately, you MUST be using 3.0 or better in order to have Y2K compliance--2.0 and 2.1 are NOT COMPLIANT.
So, Cuny, your statements are innacurate. You need to learn to research before you jump in and state Macintosh's will handle the dates to "the year 2040". Especially since they only handle it to the year 2038; September 2038, I believe.
xnykx writes (regarding Novell's "upgrade charge" to a Y2K compliant version of Netware at almost $2,700.00):
This is one of those cases where the suit-crazy US works:
A class-action suit should be brought against Novell!
Trust me, if you bring suit, I'll join in and I can pretty well guarantee that there are over 30 of my associates who will join with us...
Evanmore wrote:
ONLY if you are using system 6.0.4 or better is your SYSTEM SOFTWARE on a Macintosh safe for Y2K. ONLY if your application uses the system toolbox for date/time stamps is it safe for Y2K.
Well, the number of users who are using a system version earlier than 6.0.4 is likely to be a pretty small number, and it is very unlikely that what's on those machines is mission critical, even in the classroom. I count at least 6 system version releases since then, up through 8.1. The majority of Macs in use today won't even run systems earlier than 7.0.
Claris--now owned again by Apple--has a program called "FileMaker Pro". Unfortunately, you MUST be using 3.0 or better in order to have Y2K compliance--2.0 and 2.1 are NOT COMPLIANT.
Claris, always owned by Apple, is now called FileMaker Inc. Again, the current version of FileMaker Pro is 4-something. Versions 2.0 & 2.1 were obsolete quite a while ago.
As for the Mac and 2038/2040: Here's what the Apple Y2K page has to say...
The original date and time utilities (introduced with the original Macintosh 128K computer in 1984) used a long
word to store seconds, starting at January 1, 1904. This
approach allows the correct representation of dates up to
6:28:15 A.M. on February 6, 2040.
The current date and time utilities, documented in Inside Macintosh: Operating System Utilities, use a 64-bit
signed value, which covers dates from 30,081 B.C. to
29,940 A.D.
If I were inclined to believe in a conspiracy theory, I would surmise that the government's lacksidaisical approach to a solution would be the means to give Americans a kick in the pocketbook and in our unique manner of life. Should our government records and currency somehow fail us, our government could readjust the value of the dollar, temporarily suspend the constitutional guarantees, declare martial law, remove all traces of self-government and states rights, and fall prey to a government totally submissive to the European Union's rules of conduct for member nations. Such a disruptive thing could happen to the last truly free peoples in the world if I believed in a conspiracy theory.
Message 257
01:46am Jul 20, 1998 EST
The Finnish Fantom
cblythsr
I've just spent the last 3.5 weeks driving 10,400 miles listening to absolute idiots and demagogues like Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan lambasting 'government' at every turn.
Am totally turned off by that approach but anyhow I am really wondering why the GOVERNMENT is being brought into this question AT ALL really.
The USA has supposedly had the finest brains and research capabilities in computer development in the world (in private!!!!! companies -- MS, Sun, Oracle, IBM, etc. etc.) So my question is -- and continues to be -- where were these people the last 2-3 years when even the simplest mass publishers have had books out there on the Y2K 'problem' for several years and more esoteric sources have been talking about it for at least 5 years!!!!!
What gives?
evanmore
I am not a Novell user so can't participate but even though I have listened carefully to programs on PBS etc. from people doubting the liability aspect of the Y2K, it would certainly seem that Novell cannot stonewall to that degree. It may not be possible to sue them for consequences, etc. but it surely would seem reasonable to pressure them to put things right NOW at reasonable (!) cost if they do have those solutions. Get on the phone!!! NOW!!!!!
Message 258
10:03am Jul 20, 1998 EST
jonathanlynch 7/20/98 9:54am
You don't have to go that far. One of the
more popular methods of implementing the Y2k fix
uses the "cutoff year" method, where the
century is 20 if the year is less than
95(arbitrary number) or else it is 19. So
the fixes that are being made are good
for less than a 100 years.
727273 writes:
The majority of Macs in use today won't even run systems earlier than 7.0.
I hate to tell you this, buddy, but we have 8 Macs running "mission critical software" that are all using system 6.
727273 writes:
the current version of FileMaker Pro is 4-something. Versions 2.0 & 2.1 were obsolete quite a while ago.
The current version of FileMaker Pro is 4.0. Obsolete or not, our company uses 2.0 and 2.1. All workstations have 2.0 or 2.1 and only 3 of our users even have version 3.0. Why upgrade if you don't have a need? Regardless of whether you say it's "obsolete" or not, it works.
I was addressing the mistaken belief that Apple computers, software and systems "have always been Y2K compliant". They have been MORE compliant, to be sure. They have addressed the problems more directly--but they are not 100% compliant. And to claim that they are 100% compliant is sheer fallacy.
And, again, regardless of whether you think that System 6 or FileMaker Pro 2.0 or 2.1 are "obsolete"--they are still being used, they are still being used by businesses, and they are still being used in "mission critical" operations.
So an uninformed statement to the general public saying that "Apple is 100% compatible, don't worry about it" is incorrect and anyone who bases their choices upon this information is going have a nasty surprise waiting for them on January 3rd, 2000 (the first Monday of the year 2000).
Re: 252, in the govt. agency I used to work for the problem was recognized reasonably early (2-3 years ago) and most of the work of fixing the COBOL programs ( :-( )we ran has been done. Based on the latest overall GAO report the agency was perhaps the best in the department. Bottomline--people vary greatly in how fast they recognized the problem, and it doesn't become a public issue until there's a critical mass of reports.
In the final issue of Byte, an article observed that Boeing had run into the problem several years ago, as part of making the point that the problem is not a stroke of midnight, Dec. 31, 1999 problem. Depending on the application, problems may occur earlier or later. (Like the Fed. Govt. fiscal year 2000 starts Oct. 1, 1999.) We can also worry about the year 10000 problem--anyone want to bet that we don't have programs still running then?
bharshaw, I'll take that bet!
You give me $20 today and in the year 10,000, I'll have one of my decendents pay a decendent of your choice $200 if there are no programs running then that are now. :::Smiles:::
Notice of Clarification
I would like to clarify my previous letter(#238).I did not intend to give the impression that any one of those scenarios will occur.It was my intent to portray the mindset of three factions and their visualization regarding Y2K.
Scenario #1 was meant to represent the faction which feels that Y2K is a hoax.Scenario #2 was meant to represent the faction which feels that Y2K is real but controllable.Scenario #3 was meant to represent the faction which feels that Y2K is cataclysmic.Sorry about any misunderstandings.
Message 263
06:28am Jul 21, 1998 EST
Does anybody have considered whether Lithium Batteries are Y2K compliant ?
I personaly have begun to regard the Y2K problem largely as a hype that will not greatly affect me. My files and programs are
protected and it should be interesting, if not entertaining, to watch the
federal government in the coming months. The prospect of having to do
real work must be quite frightening for them. And if they fail, it is
something we as a people will have to deal with, not some strange event
singularly attacking me. And I can deal with that.
hugh, This really isn't about pc's, or banks, or even the government. What scares the stuffing out of people is the possiblity of the power grid failing. I too could be fairly complacent otherwise. If you're prepared to live for an extended period without any power (or water, or grocery stores) at all, then the next question is: Are your neighbors?
Does anybody have considered whether Lithium Batteries are Y2K compliant ?
In recent tests it was determined that lithium batteries are, indeed, compliant. However, due to certain restrictions in their labor agreements, top economists believe that they will strike, causing picket lines of small, handheld devices and individual computer components. Although many scoff at this prediction, the head of the Independent Division Indicators Of Technology (IDIOT) used strong words to indicate that this was a distinct possiblity.
On a more serious note: Lithium batteries do not have any kind of encoding that handles date/time functions--they merely supply the power FOR the chips that hold this information. You don't have to worry about the batteries--only the chips they power.
04:29pm Jul 21, 1998 EST
I came in late, though notice that somewhere, sometime, someone must have said something apocalyptic. As a professional dealing with this issue from both technical and legal angles on a daily basis, I must say that it does the public no good what-so-ever to incite hysteria. The bug most certainly will affect everyone in some form or another, but it's not like the blood will be as deep as a horse's bridle. Christ isn't going to come floating down out of the heavens on a white horse with a thousand angels to carry away the faithful because some geek saved some precious harddrive space thirty years ago.
Of greatest concern, re. the Y2K, is indeed the power grid, as it will affect nearly everyone on the North American continent equally, be they in Los Angeles, Quebec or Cutbank, Montana. And it will indeed affect everything from the food supply (supermarkets) to drinking water. But it's no reason to arm yourself to the teeth and prepare to kill off anybody that hasn't so prepared. No reason to load up your Urban Assault Vehicle (aka today's icon of affluence, the Sport Utility) with guns and ammo and a few bags of groceries and head for the mountains. For the vast majority, that would be far more dangerous than sitting at home and toughing it out.
However, I think that of far greater concern are those who would, based on their ignorance and fear, or private agenda, manipulate this into something much larger than it is. Fundamentalist Christians, for example, who believe, in the name of god, it to be their Manifest Destiny to bring about the end of the world so Christ will come floating down out of the heavens on a white horse with a thousand angels to carry away the faithful. My People have had some experience with Christian Manifest Destiny. Translate Rape, Murder, Pillage - translate Genocide - in the name of god.
Is the Y2K a hoax? No.
Will it get fixed? Yes, eventually.
Will the world be 100% prepared, will the Y2K be 100% fixed at Day 365, 1999? No. There are critical systems, and then there are non-critical systems. Critical systems, the power grid, municipal water supplys, health care, banking and telecommunications, are the focus of today's efforts. Non-critical systems, the automated food scanners at the supermarket, can wait. Unless of course people have forgotten how to add. Too bad.
I went on a survivalist kick twenty years ago, when Reagan was into his "Evil Empire" kick. My kids were born in the High Cascades in a (sort of) Hippie Bus loaded with a ten year supply of food, clothing, guns and ammunition, and mapped routes from anywhere in the states of Oregon and Washington to predetermined campsites as close to the glaciers as possible. Guess what? The Commies didn't nuke us, the world didn't come to an end. And it isn't going to happen now. A hundred years ago Fundamentalist Christians were predicting, much as they are now, Christ floating down out of the heavens on a white horse with a thousand angels to carry away the faithful. Didn't happen, did it?
There is no reason to turn this in Apocolypse Now, I have some experience with that Apocalypse. If Day 15, or Day 30, 2000 rolls around and the supermarket selves are empty, don't run to the hills. Because aside from the fact that I am already here, feeding my family, you'll starve here quicker than you will in the city.
And, of course, if you are sitting at your PC pounding out end-of-world hysterical Y2K nonsense on the 52nd floor in some building in downtown NYC, have you ever heard of self-fulfilling prophesy?
06:10pm Jul 21, 1998 EST
tware writes:
if you are sitting at your PC pounding out end-of-world hysterical Y2K nonsense on the 52nd floor in some building in downtown NYC, have you ever heard of self-fulfilling prophesy?
Preach it brother! Amen! Glory be! Hallelujah!
:::laughs::: End of the millenium jitters are all around us. Global warming. Pollution. War. Nuclear weapons. Christ's 2nd coming. And don't forget ... the Millenium bug! (Sounds like a flesh eating bacteria out to get us, doesn't it?) Ohhhh... that reminds me... AIDS, Ebola, Hanta fever...
Is it wrong to loot the home of a fear-monger when they head to the hills and leave their doors wide open?
I suspect that the problem is not as bad as hyped.
How many of us work for 8 hours non stop. When the problems pop
up, there are enough people around to handle them one at a time.
I suspect that there will be some problems, but the interested
parties will be able to deal with them or lose their jobs.
hugh, This really isn't about pc's, or banks, or even the government. What scares the stuffing out of people is the possiblity of the power grid failing. I too could be fairly complacent otherwise. If you're prepared to live for an extended period without any power (or water, or grocery stores) at all, then the next question is: Are your neighbors?
Power: not a major possibility as all that is likely to happen is that the billing may be screwed up. While this could be a problem, it is certainly an obvious one.
Also, given the fact that the power company would presumably be that target of hundreds of thousands of lawsuits I have faith they will fix the problem if it
exists. But from my (limited) knowlege of the way power companies operate and my (not so limited) knowlage of computer programing I highly doubt we will be
without power.
Water: Same as the power company, I would expect that the most that would happpen would be billing errors. See argument for Power.
Grocery Stores: Ridiculous. Explain how, other than *possibly* through the shipping networks which I believe are probably supervised by a human, a grocery
store is going to be affected? Ohh, wait, I forgot that maybe the alarm clock of the store manager might not be year 2000 compliant and he/she might not wake
up in time to open the store. Ohh, never mind, grocery stores usually open 24 hours.
It largely ignorence that scares the population, be informed about that which you are speaking.
~hugh
What's the issue with NetWare 4.10???
Message 271
09:45pm Jul 21, 1998 EST
Victim of Y2K
A few days ago I personally became affected by the Y2K bug, but not in a way that everyone is talking about.
I decided to test my computer for compatibility and set th clock to Dec 31, 1999 23:55 and turned it off. Some 10 minutes later, I booted and everything at first seemed normal. I checked my productivity software, compilers, spreadsheets, and the date and time were all fine.
I lost all of my files in Norton's Erase Protect Directory.
So if you do this test, turn EP off.
11:29pm Jul 21, 1998 EST
Pardon the awful repetition of the pun, but "Amen," tware. I have just about had enough about judgmental, demanding, vindictive gods for one lifetime. And more than enough about the nonsense involved in staving off their wrath. Next species that comes along should invent a kindler, gentler god ... and deliver it to their kind in Ireland and the Mideast first.
mikem90 ... we'd all like to believe that the incompetent shall lose their jobs ... but they're equally fired and promoted based on office politics, and we all know it. It is arrogant ignorance to count on anyone but yourself to look after your self-interests (and your computer). Murphy's Law is usually right: people will rise to their level of incompetence. (Murphy just didn't factor in the insipid in-law in a family-run firm who would actually be rewarded in spite of that incompetence!)
Peter H. Lewis' comments on the Y2K bug in his article, "Exterminating the 2000 Bug From Home Systems," were generally accurate and well taken, however, he does commit one glaring and potentially horrific error. He states,
"Windows 98 is fully Y2K compliant, Windows 95 mostly compliant. Microsoft has posted a Year 2000 compliance guide on its Web site."
While these OSes may be compliant with "issues" in MS's view, this should not be construed to mean, as Mr. Lewis does, that they are truly Y2K compliant. As William Ulrich noted in his June 22 column in Computerworld,
"Finding out now that Windows NT and Windows 95, according to Microsoft's Web site are compliant 'with issues' further demonstrates that research into the matter is dragging."
The crux of Ulrich's commentary is that MS has been tardy, to say the very least, with regards to its Y2K preparations and there are no guarantees that any of their products are fully compliant. To support this notion, I suggest that you look closely at MS's marketing campaign for Win 98. There is no mention of Y2K compliancy. Moreover, if you look carefully on the Win 98 package, you will see no mention of its compliancy. Would a company with as much marketing savvy as MS miss an opportunity like this to hype its product? Or are they, perhaps, avoiding future litigation by not making an undisguised claim that they can't, in fact, support?
Products that are fully Y2K compliant, such as IBM's PC DOS 2000, carry the "ITAA 2000 Certified" seal, which was conspicously absent on the MS web site included in Mr. Lewis' column. Win 98 doesn't carry this seal on its packaging either. I would respectfully submit that an independent panel is much better at judging whether a product is Y2K compliant (or not) than accepting the word of the manufacturer, particularly when that manufacturer's reputation for honesty in business dealings has the questions associated with it that Microsoft's currently has.
In future, I would encourage Mr. Lewis not to take MS at face value so facily, lest he lead his readers astray.
regards,
Pete Grubbs
Contributing Editor
Message 274
03:12am Jul 22, 1998 EST
Regardless of what we are hearing, the fundamental truths remain
the same: Live debt free, you only own what is completely paid for;
Order your life in a way that is pleasing to God; Understand that
the national debt does effect you; And, diversify your income as well
as your talents. This is good advice in any situation, "follow it
and benifit in any economy or world crisis, ignor it and suffer reglardless of the times."
Here's the deal on Y2K. I'm watching c-span
and some US senator is telling a bunch of
reporters that if Y2K were tommorrow the power
grid would go down, but not to worry;we have 17
months. Translation:Worry.
There's all these embedded chips in pumps and
stuff. Seems nobody knows where they are and
when you find them it's hard know if they're the
good ones or the bad ones. Six per cent are bad.
On a scale of 1 - 10 I judge the senators worry
factor to be a 7. Don't worry be happy
Jimmy Bagga Doughnuts
(pre-post-postmodern)
There's all these embedded chips in pumps and stuff.
And WHY would a chip in a pump have reason to display the year in decimal format? If it doesn't, it doesn't have a Y2k problem.
FYI to those suffering from "I wont be affected" syndrome.
Recently a car rental company, refused
to rent to certain customers, whose
credit cards were pronounced invalid
by the company's computers. Apparently
the expiry date on the cards was 00.
And the software whiz decided to have
an additional check to validate the cards.
Just imagine how important it may have
been for some customers to get that car.
Moral of the story : What I do in MO, may
adversely affect you in Idaho.
We are all connected and wont know
until something breaks down. Getting a million dollar utility bill
is not the only kind of Y2K problem. There
could be life and death scenarios too.
09:30am Jul 22, 1998 EST
Grocery Stores: Ridiculous. Explain how, other than *possibly* through the shipping networks which I believe are probably supervised by a
human, a grocery store is going to be affected? Ohh, wait, I forgot that
maybe the alarm clock of the store manager might not be year 2000
compliant and he/she might not wake up in time to open the store. Ohh,
never mind, grocery stores usually open 24 hours.
I don't have the source for this, but I just read yesterday that, when they computerized railroad switches throughout the country, they removed all the old manual switches. This incredible no-brainer means that, if there are non-compliant chips in the new switch mechanisms -- and no one will say for sure that there aren't -- there will be no way to regulate train traffic at all. No manual back-up, no train movement. No trains, no trucks, no groceries. On the plus side, horses may suddenly be very valuable.
Novell is holding us for ransom. Other companies offer free patches to fix current systems, or free upgrades to new systems that allow for Y2K compliance. But not Novell, oh no. With Novell, if you have 4.10, you're stuck. You have to pay a minimum of $2000 to get the necessary upgrade so your system doesn't glitch on you.
That's highway robbery. It is coercion. "Your system won't work in a year and a half--unless you give us $2000" (more if you have more user licenses). And if you have SFT III, tack on another $700 just for that.
Bottom line: If I want to make my network safe for Y2K I either pay the highway robbers (Novell), migrate to a more inexpensive network--and thereby suffer other problems--or I take Novell to court and sue them.
There should be a great precedent. The government is sensitized to this kind of activity. It would be a great "example" case for the rest of the industry. And, you know, with the responses I've received from my inquiries, I'm FAR from alone. Novell could be the case that makes Y2K history. Their inability to service the needs of their consumers is tantamount to breaking a warrantee or a license agreement.
A nice class-action law-suit sounds good right about now--and unless Novell changes their tune, I think it's high time to start the process. I've already called our legal department to examine the issue. Watch the news, folks. When you see Novell hauled into court, you heard it here first!
(pre-post-postmodern)
if there are non-compliant chips in the new switch mechanisms
Where does a railway switch display the year in decimal? Again, for those who came in late, the Y2k "bug" only kicks in when a timestamp is converted into decimal and the year isn't given enough digits. If a date conversion isn't involved, there's no Y2k bug.
(pre-post-postmodern)
Is there such thing as a Novell Users Group?
10:09am Jul 22, 1998 EST
Y2K bug is more virulent where there is
comparison of dates, irrespective of
conversion.
(pre-post-postmodern)
Y2K bug is more virulent where there is comparison of dates, irrespective of conversion.
Oh? Tell me how calculations of binary timestamps care about 1/1/2000 over any other date that might be happening.
For instance, here's three numbers from Excel. One translates to today, one translates to 1/1/2000, and one is another date:
You'll note that they're all the same number of digits, and they all take the same amount of space in storage.
>>And WHY would a chip in a pump have reason to display the year in decimal format? If it doesn't, it doesn't have a Y2k problem. <<<<
This is a true statement and points up a general misunderstanding about embedded chips. Chips mounted in devices to complete a simple "on-off" function don't care about dates and will not be affected. But if you follow the chain up farther you get to the real culprits. The chips in process control units that send out the instructions are. They operate plant processess from manufacturing to security, to inventory control and manipulation, based wholly on dates. For example, an elevator contains chips that receive the instruction to go up or down, close the doors, etc. These do not utilize dates, they simply receive instructions. However, the elevator system is controlled by a process control box that tells elevators to complete current operation, then shut down and issue an automated service call. These systems are date sensitive and Y2K vulnerable.Chips in Hair dryers,cars, microwave ovens, etc. don't use dates to control anything.Chips in hospital ventilators, automated infusion pumps, etc. do. It is estimated that perhaps only 1% of embedded chips may have a problem, but 1% of tens of billions is still alot of chips and they have to be located before they can be replaced.
>>>Power: not a major possibility as all that is likely to happen is that the billing may be screwed up. While this could be a problem, it is certainly an
obvious one. Also, given the fact that the power company would
presumably be that target of hundreds of thousands of lawsuits I have faith
they will fix the problem if it exists. But from my (limited) knowlege of the
way power companies operate and my (not so limited) knowlage of
computer programing I highly doubt we will be without power. <<<<<
The senator in charge of gov't Y2K research disagrees:
>Washington, DC (July 15) - Speaking before a noontime gathering of journalists at the National Press Club , Senator Bob Bennett
(R-Utah) said, "I believe the power grid will work."
>>Bennett: "I expect we will have brownouts and regional blackouts, and in
some areas of the country there will be power failures. But the power
grid as a whole will not go down."
Bennett is the Chairman of the U.S. Senate Special Committee on the
Year 2000 Computer Problem. The committee published a recent
survey on Y2k preparedness at the largest utilities in the U.S.<<<
For a clearer understanding of the effect of embedded chips on the electric companies, go to:
http://www.euy2k.com/embedded.htm
And www.euy2k.com in general for a clearer understanding of the electric utilities.
>>>>Grocery Stores: Ridiculous. Explain how, other than *possibly* through the shipping networks which I believe are probably supervised by a
human, a grocery store is going to be affected? <<<<
OK... how about starting with the inventory systems and computers. Go from there to the systems that check expiration dates. Some of these systems have already reported failures. Then go to the cash registers, which are date sensitive and integrated with the inventory control and purchasing system. Then proceed to the ATM and credit card readers, some of which are already rejecting cards with exp. dates past 2000. Then go on to the security system, most of which are date stamped.
Also, the supermarkets are linked to large central warehouses that can have their own sets of problems. And as long as you mentioned shipping, most major trucking firms are now linked to the Global Positioning Satellite which has it's own unique set of problems coming up.
In fact I contacted the largest supermarket chain
(pre-post-postmodern)
Chips mounted in devices to complete a simple "on-off" function don't care about dates and will not be affected. But if you follow the chain up farther you get to the real culprits. The chips in process control units that send out the instructions are.
Right. So it's not an army of malfunctioning chips all around, but the command-and-control units running the army. These units are a lot easier to test and fix than the "army" is, and they're more likely to have overrides built in.
"OK... how about starting with the inventory systems and computers."
When they go down, everything will disappear from the store shelf.
"Go from there to the systems that check expiration dates."
All of a sudden, all goods in stock will actually become 99 years old.
"Then go to the cash registers, which are date sensitive and integrated with the inventory control and purchasing system."
And without that system, the supermarket will have no choice but to refuse to sell you anything.
"Then go on to the security system, most of which are date stamped."
Watch out for the looters!
"And as long as you mentioned shipping, most major trucking firms are now linked to the Global Positioning Satellite which has it's own unique set of problems coming up. "
Yeah, think of all those truck drivers who will be irretrievably lost on our nation's highways when the GPS systems go down. Now all of the food that they're shipping will rot in the trailers because there is no way to deliver that food without the GPS system.
>>Right. So it's not an army of malfunctioning chips all around, but the command-and-control units running the army. These units are a lot easier
to test and fix than the "army" is, and they're more likely to have overrides
built in. <<<<
Right again, although the overrides are questionable, since if this particular issue wasn't considered no override would have been put in place. The whole purpose of a controller is defeated if you put in instructions to operate no matter what.
The problem is not insurmountable from a technical standpoint, but from a mobilization standpoint. With so little time left there are still an amazing amount of people and businesses that still regard Y2K as a non-issue and a hoax. Even the large corporations got a very late start for all of the various reasons stated in previous posts.
You are correct in thinking that the embedded chip problem is overblown (toasters, coffee makers, shavers?!?) but if the real chip issues continue to be ignored on the level they are, the result will still be calamity for many US businesses and the economy.
Is there any talk about a software scheme that monitors systems for "obvious" errors (such as a million dollar jump in a monthly insurance policy) and automatically corrects it? Perhaps we don't have to clear out every buried bug. Instead we let the early errors occur, but put in a patch that fixes things at the very end.
And once we do have all the buried bugs fixed, are we going to be compatible with the year 2100 and on???
Message 289
03:06pm Jul 22, 1998 EST
tbriden1:
consider the following:
Items will not disappear when inventory systems go down, but they also will not be restocked. Do you think any retailer will continue to bring in truckloads of merchandise with no way to account for it? And if you think the local HumongoMart is going to do their inventory with pen and pad, think again.
Will items become instantly old? No, but instances have already occured of shipment handling systems ordering pallets of new items to be destroyed as old (and they were, too). Even if a clever human steps in, do you think the markets will run the legal risk of selling items that can't be verified as good to sell? Look on a package of many items for the date code...here's one...N4413110...here's another...44SA3...and another...0546GB...I asked the grocery manager about these codes and how to read them. They do not represent julian dates or anything else, they are mfgr codes read only by the computer. Are all food producers prepared to switch to real dates?
Will supermarkets refuse to sell without their cash registers? Ever see a modern day clerk try to make change without a register? Do you really think the HumongoMart is going to handle thousands of customers a day with pen and paper? People are already turning blue in the face if they have to wait 10 minutes in line...how about an hour or so?
You really think stores will stay open 24 hrs a day, or post guards, or not worry about breakins without a security system? Hmmm...those lovely huge plate glass windows and no security system.
I am less worried about the trucking than any other factor, and most likely they will find a way to operate without the GPS (if the GPS is even a problem). The only worry here is that the introduction of any technology tend to "dumbify" people to the point where reversing to older methods becomes extremely difficult.
Consider this. The super huge supermarkets are a direct result of computerization. Towns used to have several small markets spread throughout because of the manpower required to operate a market. Now, markets ten times the size operate with the same amount of staff or less. Take away the computerized inventory, ordering, stocking, cashout, reigisters, and assorted systems and the huge markets come screeching to a halt. They will simply be understaffed and ill trained to function.
Message 290
05:36pm Jul 26, 1998 EST
Clinton's first idea in resonse to the y2k bug is to shield busnesses from legal liability if they "try" to fix it. What is this this but an incentive to not try very hard?
ErisX Web Design
LCoats,
That depends on how rigorously "try" is defined in this instance. A "tight" definition would provide for a reasonable benefit of a doubt. A "loose" one would be carte-blanche to sit back and do nothing.
Y2K SECTION OF STORIES
Today St. Paul Press has a handy compendium of
stories plus links to company annual reports on
what they are doing.
http://www.pioneerplanet.com/tech/
Tech Features
Updated: Week of Monday, July 27, 1998 3:44 a.m.
Don't get bugged by Y2K problem
Nobody knows yet what will happen when the year
2000 hits and some computers think it's 1900 because of a software flaw. But government and usinesses are working hard to make sure the millennium bug doesn't get out of the gate.
STORY INDEX
________
PCs should be fine
Author predicts "utter chaos"
Insurance firms ready to sidestep bug costs
Bug has some preparing for meltdown
Fixes look complex, time consuming
Additional links on the Y2K issue
What some companies say about the millennium bug
Water Cooler: Are you prepared?
Yes it does seem that Y2K is getting more and more press.I guess its good to make everyone(especially businesses)aware.More awareness will help in tackling the problem.
Though I'm already in the camp that believes Y2K will be a major disaster, I'm looking for an answer to a question. Anyone, feel free to help.
I'm thinking of embedded systems here. For something date sensitive to fail on 1/1/2000, it must fit the following criteria:
1. It must not handle 1/1/2000 properly.
2. Improper date handling must cause a problem.
3. The device must be set to the correct date to fail at that time.
4. To have the current date, it must either get a current date from some other timekeeping source, or:
5. It must have an onboard battery to keep the date itself, or:
6. It must have the date maintained by never losing power.
Follow? If it has a material Y2K problem, it won't cause a problem when Y2K rolls around unless it is set to the current real time. In order to be so set, it must be able to store or calculate the time persistently, implying access to some power source, or must get a proper time from some other time source.
Though I've worked as a programmer for 20 years, I don't understand how this is likely to work in the real world, having never written code for, or engineered an embedded system.
If these devices have onboard clocks, backed up by persistent access to power (perhaps batteries), and no easy interface access to change them, I can see they'll be a problem. But it seems more likely to me that an embedded system which relys on dates either gets time from a higher level system easier to change, or has long since quit maintaining the correct time anyway. This appears more likely if the device is older, as it either has dead batteries or has suffered some loss of power over its lifetime, thus resetting its clock and putting it out of sync with realtime.
Anyone out there know how to respond to these questions about embedded systems?
Message 295
09:38am Jul 28, 1998 EST
A friend of mine is working on this matter here in South America. She's handling it on two levels: simple programs to which she needs to go back and change the year thing to include 4 and not 2 digits. That process is, as I've said, simple. Now, the second level, has to do with more complex programs, larger ones, which process dates. For example, she's got to deal with a program that handles loans: due dates, interests for not paying on time, etc. That's quite a problem, I believe. And that's just one example. My friend has more than 1000 programs to "correct".
The thing is, as she's explained it to me, IBM and others are selling "automatic" solutions, but due to the sensitive issue (what if it bypasses some important info), computer people prefer to do this manually first. Let's see what happens as the year 2000 gets even closer.
Sure there will be some problems with Y2K
on some mianframes and some really old PCs.
But reality has got to set in some time. We
don't need to rewrite the code in all of these
systems. There are new and better programs out
there that don't have a Y2K issue and come with
translators to import the old data into them.
I believe this issue will be resolved at the
comptroller level. Chicken little didn't have a
computer and he was able/unable to as effectively
predict end of the world as he new it. Naysayers
are always with us, and it is good to be aware of a
possible problem, but we are not going to crash and
burn over this issue. If for no other reason than
that too much money is at stake, and those in the
drivers seats aren't going to let it get away.
Too much of what I read about Y2K smells like media hype at its worst!! Where can one go to find an objective appraisal of the problem. Not simply the earth is falling from some one with no real knowlege of computors or someone trying to make a killing on Y2K.
THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE
I get the impression that Y2K is like the tale The Tortoise And The Hare.Substitute the tortoise with the "millenium bug" and the hare with "big business".Also substitute the the finish line with " the year 2000".
The tortoise and the hare decided to have a race.The hare figured he could run circles around the tortoise and that the race was really a big joke.During the race the hare felt so confident about winning the race that he decided he could afford to take a nap.He was far ahead and figured the tortoise was way too slow to catch up to him.
The tortoise chugged along.When the hare awoke from dreamland he realized that the tortoise had passed him and was nearing the finish line.The hare jumped up and put himself into overdrive.He ran as fast as he could but you know how that story ended, don't you?
With Deputy Transporation secy Mortimer Downey mentioning that transit and traffic could be all by stalled by the Y2K-- what do you think is happening to the TRAVEL and TOURISM industries???
Without any truly BIG businesses "in charge" of this very large commercial wedge of the business dollar-- and absolutely nobody is trying to make an educated forcast on what this is going to do to those employers, employees, and investors---- it should go without saying that usually in this world, advertising contracts are already on the "mahogany" for signatures for that exact time frame-- 2000
Please discuss. Thanks. M. Schmidt
Wisconsin's governor warns
7/28/19 98 Mlwaukee Journal Sentinel
Madison -- Warning of a potential "disaster" in only 17 months, Gov. Tommy Thompson said
Monday he will
create a panel to help local governments and private businesses work through serious
economic and safety threats
posed by the year 2000 computer problem.
"I am very fearful," Thompson said...
he has talked to many business people and government officials.
"They don't seem to be really worried; in fact, they're not really being involved in it."
If government officials and business executives do not take the problem seriously, computers
in state government
might be tested and ready for the problem but a "disaster" could still happen if federal and
local government
computers aren't also ready, the governor said.
Can anyone confirm positive or negative information regarding an embedded clock chip within a large number of Chevrolet speed-control processors that is supposedly NOT compliant?
A friend of mine told me a horror story about it--but I can't find any information to either confirm his facts or shoot him down.
According to this info, after Jan 1, 2000, the speed control will set itself to 99 mph any time it is activated and can only be stopped by turning off the engine.
I think it's bull, personally, but I'd like more info about this.
According to this info, after Jan 1, 2000, the speed control will set itself to 99 mph any time it is activated and can only be stopped by turning off
the engine.
That's either the funniest urban legend I've heard in ages, or the most wonderfully perverse poetic justice that technology could invent. Either way, I love it.
(pre-post-postmodern)
What was it, ten? fifteen? years ago that Cadillac had ads touting their engine's microprocessor that would decide how many cylinders to use -- 2, 4 or 6 -- depending on the needs of the driving moment.
My immediate thought was, "That's the first thing that'll break."
I have an electronic keyboard instrument, an Emax, that permits one to program how to interpret different pressure on the keys. Normally, it's programmed to emulate a piano -- the harder you hit the key, the louder the sound. To really drive a musician insane, you can program it to do the reverse -- just tap the key and POW! To get soft sounds, you have to pound it.
When they first installed badge locks around here, they got one reversed. You'd rub your badge on the plate, and if you were authorized, the door locked you out for five seconds.
Ah, computers!
TRAVEL AND TOURISM AND Y2K
This letter is directed to M. Schmidt.Your concern is obvious in your posting.Mr.Downey's assertion is tinged with some heavy duty "What in the hell is he talking about?!!",ponderings.Still,his message is dipped in vagueness.
"Transit and traffic could be all by stalled by the Y2K"."Could" means maybe."All" is definitely a big word for three letters. "Stalled by the Y2K",carries a perplexing tone.Stalled as in it will be rectified? Stalled to be rectified with what time frame? One day,one week.....one year?
Anyways,the bottom line is that you should be aware that Y2K should be taken seriously.The nicest spin I can put on it is that Travel and Tourism + Y2K is not a profitable combination.
Corporate America would like you to think that since Y2K climaxes Jan.1/2000,and because of its problems,winter-based Travel and Tourism might end up with a "lost season".Summer-based Travel and Tourism should fare much better given the fact that the "mess gets cleaned up".
dnoha - 07:51am Jul 28, 1998 EST (#294 of 304)
Re: Embedded systems--I too wish someone knowledgeable would explain. I can't understand why most embedded systems would care about the year--why does a Cadillac need to know what year it is or an elevator?
why does a Cadillac need to know what year it is...
It doesn't. But if it knew what state you were in, it could automatically increase your cruise control speed when you entered Montana! ;-)
>>>I can't understand why most embedded systems would care about the year--why does a Cadillac need to know what year it is or an
elevator?<<<<
The vast majority of embedded chips don't care what date it is. Many embedded system controls for automated processess do, though. I seriously doubt a cadillac will have any date problems, but an automated elevator system certainly could. Most are controlled by "black-box" devices that shut the elevators down after a certain time has expired for a mandatory service call. These black boxes may or may not be integrated with overall building controls and time systems that control doors, security systems, and fire alarms, sprinkler systems and such which are keyed to certain operations or inspections based on dates. When one of the larger Chrysler Corp plants tested their building systems by forwarding the clock, the doors locked and wouldn't let anyone in or out, among "other nasty surprises" to quote a Chrysler executive.
Another problem found with embedded chips is many engineers used "all-purpose" chips in some applications that search for date routines even if they are not useful in the application. They lose the date when turned off and recover where they left off when restarted. One chip engineer feels this may cause "Y2K surprises" for years after Y2K.
Message 308
09:23am Jul 31, 1998 EST
Wasn't the Aztec calendar supposed to run out in 2000?
(pre-post-postmodern)
The Mayan calendar expired a couple years ago. Haven't you noticed that all your Mayan friends have stopped aging?
FORD on car chips
Here is what Ford says about its computer chips:
Ford Motor Co. - 10K - March 18, 1998
An issue affecting Ford and most other companies is whether computer
systems and applications will recognize and process the
year 2000 and beyond. Ford has a central office to coordinate the
identification, evaluation and implementation of changes to
systems and applications to achieve compliance with the year 2000
date conversion. The Company is in the process of
assessing and implementing necessary changes for all areas of the
Company's business which could be impacted; these include
such areas as business computer systems, technical infrastructure,
dealership systems, plant floor equipment, building
infrastructure, end-user computing, affiliates, suppliers and
vehicle components.
The Company has investigated the impact of the year 2000 issue on
its vehicle components and does not anticipate any effect
on the operational safety or performance of its vehicles. The
electronic functionality of such components generally is based on
engine cycles or the time elapsed since the vehicle was started, not any particular date.
-----------------------
While the Company will continue to
investigate its vehicle components, at present it does not
anticipate any significant exposure related to the year 2000 issue for
its
current or future products.
Wasn't the Aztec calendar supposed to run out in 2000?
Depends on what dating convention you use. The most reliable dating convention indicates that on December 24th, 2011, the end of "the fifth world" takes place and followed by the emergence of the "sixth world".
The Egyptian calender ended in 1950. The Aztec calender in 2011. We already have "end of the millenium jitters". Now we have the Y2K issue.
Then there are those people who think that Jesus will come back in the year 2000--of course, if they realized that the Julian calender began when Jesus was 6 years old, they would realize that if we are actually dating our calendar from His birth that the year is 2004. So, all these numerological means of trying to make God fit our particular view of the universe make me just bust a gut laughing at their idiocy.
"It's the end of the world as we know it... I feel fine."
I still find it an unfortunate fact that the Y2K problem is by it's very nature linked to the end of the millenium. If a computer problem of such magnitude had been linked to a more arbitrary date, I can't help but think many people would be less dismissive of it as something from the realm of crackpots.
FORD'S IDEA SHINES
I'm glad to see that Ford's is getting quite involved in its realization of Y2K .They seem to grasp the problem and are determined to do their part.
The Y2K problem is not linked to the millenium.
cuchulane 8/1/98 9:29pm, the problem is linked to going from year 99 to year 00 with nowhere to carry the 1. It is a century thing, not a millenium thing. If we had computers a century ago, probably people would have had a problem in going from 1899 to 1900 if they only kept the tens and ones of the year.
Message 315
08:46am Aug 3, 1998 EST
ramunasm:
I understand the computing aspect of the problem, but the fact is we didn't have computers in 1899, so now the problem is linked to the millenial change. That was exactly my point. The problem in actuality has nothing to do with the millenium, but because of the timing of it anyone who acknowledges there is a Y2K problem is dismissed as some sort of millenial, apocalyptic crackpot.
I can't understand why most embedded systems would care about the year--why does a Cadillac need to know what year it is or an
elevator?
Apparently a lot of devices that have no need to know the date (cars, micro-waves, etc.) have chips in them that are in fact date-sensitive. Those chips were used simply because they were available and, having been mass-produced, inexpensive. You wanted appliances that were reasonably priced, didn't you...?
(pre-post-postmodern)
Apparently a lot of devices that have no need to know the date (cars, micro-waves, etc.) have chips in them that are in fact date-sensitive.
"Apparently" = "rumor has it"
Message 318
10:00am Aug 3, 1998 EST
"Apparently" = "rumor has it"
I'll dig up the source if I can. Probably read it on usenet (comp.software.year-2000) which is where all the really good rumors are. If you haven't been yet, it's worth a visit at least for entertainment value if nothing else ("Come for the signal, stay for the noise").
Regarding the extent of y2k disruptions, this much is certain: We'll all find out together, after it's too late to prepare.
Apparently a lot of devices that have no need to know the date (cars, micro-waves, etc.) have chips in them that are in fact date-sensitive.
Yes, I do think you should look up that source. As an electrical engineer, I've never heard of a chip (or any other piece of hardware) being date sensitive. As a hobby programmer, I know of plenty of software that is date sensitive, but never hardware.
(pre-post-postmodern)
Plus, it would have to keep its date through power-ups and power-downs.
And if it is to participate in some grand 1/1/2000 outage, somebody somewhere will have had to set its clock to wall clock time.
I think the Y2K issue points to a deeper problem with way the world has haphazardly implemented new technology. Consider that your Desktop PC; it's reasonably new (say the last 10 to 12 years. It may or may not have the bug, but in most cases you can get by because nothing life or business threatening exists solely on it. At least it shouldn't. Now look at the systems that do contain the important data like financial records or air traffic control systems. These systems more that likely have the bug, and in the case of the ATC system, that's probably the smallest problem. Such systems are old, vacuum tub old, and were never intended to be used as long as they have. That they still run is due to a number of factors; they were probably overbuilt for the time since it used to be you had to build things like you'd never get your hands on it again. Parts were expensive, and repairs or upgrades were so time consuming that avoiding down time was a critical situation. Today, down time usually entails telling people to log off for a few minutes while the servers are rebooted or switched. Parts are cheap and easily replaced so downtime of more than a couple of days is usually a system wide upgrade, or a major system failure.
It seems that once these systems were in place, working fairly stably, people grew accustomed to using them and left them alone. In the short term, this is fine, but what happened is people didn't remember that the system they were using was built with an operational life of maybe a decade, maybe two before it would be replaced by newer more efficient systems. Perhaps it was the fear of downtime coupled with having to learn a new system that caused these systems to be left to plod along until the hardware, firmware or software finally gave out.
Cars, refigerators, washing machines all went through their useful lives and were replaced, and new computer systems were introduced which didn't replace the old ones.
Had these legacy systems been kept up with the trailing edge of technology, this problem could have been avoided long ago, probably at a much lower cost than the backwards engineering being done to keep them going today.
Some might argue that they can't afford to replace their old systems. I contend that we can't afford not to; there is simply too much at stake.
I'm sorry, I just have to quarrel with j taylor's characterization of the current Y2K problem as an example of "haphazardly implemented new technology." In fact, the notion in the general public that the Y2K problem is truly a bug is to a certain extent indicative of where the misunderstanding arises.
Granted, as j taylor points out, in the halycon past, when many of us programmed mainframes in sneakers and t-shirts, parts were very expensive indeed. Notably, computer memory was expensive. The IBM mainframes of the late 60's and early 70's only had 128K main memory (what we call the RAM now) ... no self-respecting PC jockey would be caught dead with a Tinker Toy memory like that now. The mini computers where I spent years writing assembler letter-of-credit programs for some of the biggest banks in this country only had 48K of RAM. We were forced, therefore, to keep our programs small and tightly written. This produced at least two 'features' in our software: (a) we used the most concise date structures we could think of, and (b) we would attempt to make every routine do what it was supposed to do in the absolutely most efficient manner. The former produced not only 6-digit dates, but also numeric dates such as the number of days since 1/1/1900, which only needs 5-digits (or 2 bytes). And a variety of other novel ways of determining a date. The latter resulted (sometimes) in tightly written, almost incomprehensible code. (For those who have seen how difficult it can get to read code written in C, check out APL.) Once this code was modified and enhanced several times over the decades, it became even more difficult to understand.
To make these systems work into the next century, therefore, often extremely complicated and obtuse code has to be read and understood, and from that exotic date tracking mechanisms must be identified and 'corrected' to work properly. This is obviously not an easy job, but it is one that most organizations in the world have been trying to address for a very long time already. In any case, we are certainly NOT talking about a bug, in the classical sense anyway, but an improvement over earlier techniques, an improvement that is made that much easier by having gobs of RAM available now. Although it is a big job, it is not an especially difficult one, and most companies are well on their way to completion already.
Thus, j taylor's opining a slipshod world, as depicted by the Y2K problem, is a misguided understanding of what was done and why. In addition, IMHO, the scope and danger to the planet of the Y2K problem has been severely overstated, mostly by people who either don't really understand the problem well, or by people who have a Chicken Little attitude that the world is about to end anyway, and this is just the first step.
ITS ALMOST FIXED
Although it is a big job, it is not an especially difficult one, and most companies are well on their way to
completion already.
Relax,everyone,Y2K is just about snuffed out!
. In addition, IMHO, the scope and danger to the planet of the Y2K
problem has been severely overstated, mostly by people who either
don't really understand the problem well, or by people who have a
Chicken Little attitude that the world is about to end anyway, and this is
just the first step.
(message to Joe Citizen)
Are you a Cobol programmer? Are you an expert on embedded chips? Well then,you're not qualified to comment on the severity of Y2K.It seems that the problem has been severely overstated.If you get anything in the mail about Y2K,treat it as junk mail and throw it out.Most companies are nearing Y2K completion and since you're not computer litterate don't worry about Y2K.Its not a big deal.
To make these systems work into the next century, therefore, often extremely complicated and obtuse code has to be read and understood, and from that exotic date tracking mechanisms must be identified and 'corrected' to work properly. This is obviously not an easy job, but it is one that most organizations in the world have been trying to address for a very long time already.
Actually, in some cases the "correction" is not all hard. In many cases it is possible to write a few lines of code that effectively give you an extra few years of leeway. In simple terms, what you do is tell the computer, all dates from 50-99 have a 1900 prefix, all dates from 00-49 are in the 2000 prefix. You have thus allowed for an extra 50 years of leeway (so we all get to have fun with the 2050 problem!). This proccess works very well with short term systems. In the case of long term systems, such as records on people, we may have problems. For example, say the Social Security Administration hires a programer who does what I have outlined above. All of a sudden, Joe Shmoe, birthdate 6/9/45, will not be born (according to the files) for another 46 years. Which sucks. So in the case of systems that track long term dates, this is a bad idea. In these long-term systems we need to go back and change all the dates to four digit.
I personally am much more concerned about embedded chips that may not have had consistant power supplies. We may have date failures in the years after 2000 and some of these may be quite annoying.
Regarding my personal credibility (this comment is directed at casper974 so I don't get a flame) I am a general computer expert with several years programing experience in BASIC, Pascal, C, C+, and Visual Basic. No COBOL (lucky for me) but I do understand the mechanics behind it.
I don't worry as much about Y2K in the USA as I do in overseas markets. We have for the past several years seen that our economy is truly becoming more global each day. Witness the recent Asian economy troubles and their effects on USA markets. The real problem will be that even if the USA succeeds in totally fixing Y2K in time, the rest of the world probably will not. In isolationist times, it would be possible to take a rather local, "so what" attitude. That isn't so realistic any more.
I have read several articles regarding the lack of qualified programmers in other nations. It is difficult to imagine the dearth of support which has been reported until I look at the incredible number of foreign workers here to "learn" programming - and who end up applying for citizenship before their green cards run out. Our success in the USA has created an imbalance in computing services even though corporate America has not consciously tried to cause that imbalance. (Or maybe they have but that is not the point I address here, since I cannot corroborate it.) That "brain drain" cannot help the countries from whom those brains were drained.
As early as the 1960's, I recall news articles saying that computers of the day had made it impossible for governments to survive without them because they did the work of more clerks than existed among the population. I do not wish this fate on anyone, but it would not be outside of the realm of probability to imagine a government toppling as a result. The chain of events would start with a government unable to meet the demand of services, followed by civil unrest and outright rebellion. Yes, it is an extremist idea, and I am sure not everyone will agree, but the world is already unstable in many places anyway. It is not hard for me to believe that Y2K might be that straw that finally breaks the camel's back for some emerging nations.
Whether you believe Y2K is serious or not for yourself, I don't know. But I personally believe it is as serious a threat, world-wide, as we could possibly face short of incoming asteroids or emerging plagues. The world-wide economy disruption will reverberate for years to come.
One aspect of the Y2K problem that I haven't seen extensively discussed is the role it can play as a real-life model demonstrating the interrelationships between different critical infrastructures (telecommunications, energy, transportation, finance, emergency response, and continuation of government) and their vulnerability to outside cyber attack (sophisticated hacking).
The government has conducted several investigations into the vulnerability of U.S. critical infrastructure (i.e. - the President's Commission on Critical Infrastructure Protection) which found that, in theory, there exists a considerable risk of cyber attack against these critical infrastructures. Several DoD exercises (Eligible Receiver, Evident Surprise, etc.) have, on a limited basis, demonstrated actual vulnerabilities, but no one is willing to allow an extensive, real life attack against these infrastructures in order to determine their level of exposure. Would a domino effect occur if the telephone network ceased to function, leading to the loss of the electric power grid, switching errors on the nation's railroads, or substantial disruption of global financial transactions. Would these effects be long-term or short-term? The bottom line is that no one really knows how inter-reliant our critical infrastructures have become or what impact the disruption of one infrastructure would have on others.
The Y2K bug has the potential of exposing the extent of this inter-relationship and dependence. Even if it is a totally unintentional event, the outcome could reveal quite a bit about our interconnected world. Breaking one link in the chain could cause everything to collapse (the Y2K doomsayers) or demonstrate the reliability and redundency of our multipath networks (the Y2K naysayers). Regardless of the outcome, it should show us a lot about our vulnerability to a sophisticated cyber attack. No one is pleased that we are faced with the Y2K problem, but we might as well look for the silver lining and try to exploit it.
To casper974 ...
Apparently, you weren't reading my previous post too carefully. Let me reiterate, "although it is a big job, it is not an especially difficult one." I never said that there wasn't a lot of work to be done, what I said was that it can be done, is being done, and will be done in time. Most highly critical systems (e.g. military, banking, brokerage, etc.) are "well on their way to completion." Before you mis-construe that phrase as well, that does not mean that these organizations have forty-five more minutes of work, and then we're all planning on putting our feet up for a year and a half. There are millions upon millions of lines of code to inspect and (possibly) alter. At the 'standard' rate of $1.10 per line of code, hundreds of millions of dollars in company profits will be eaten up in fixing these problems, and many organizations will not even begin testing their updated code until late this or early next year.
What I said, again, is that the problem is overstated ... there is a significant portion of the population, both in and out of systems, who are portraying the situation as a tsunami on the horizon, ready to sweep us all into the Stone Age again. It just ain't so.
"Are you a Cobol programmer? Are you an expert on embedded chips? Well then, you're not qualified to comment on the severity of Y2K."
Well, yes, I am a COBOL programmer, but thank you for playing the game. I have also programmed in BASIC, Fortran, PL/I, C, and the aforementioned assembler at various points of my career. I've used database languages (but I swear I didn't enjoy it). I've done software testing, and even tried a stint at quality assurance (very brief, and I truly hated it ... my apologies to those who love it). In addition, after twenty years of doing this for a living, I have somehow acquired a few friends and acquaintances who have a bit of knowledge about other aspects in the industry, including embedded chips. Therefore, I believe that I am qualified to comment on the severity of Y2K, particularly those portions that I have seen first-hand or even created myself. And I will say again, the problem is a big one, and there is much yet to be done, but it is not the end of the world, as many people would have us believe.
And (finally), to return to my original point, to hold it up as an example of lax standards in our society, as j taylor did, is ludicrous.
MOTHER AND SON HAVING DISCUSSION ON Y2K
MOTHER:OK Junior,time for bed,let me tuck you in......
SON:Mommy,have you ever heard of the millenium bug?
MOTHER:Junior,what are you talking about?
SON:Well, little Jimmy at school told me about this millenium bug and I looked it up on Dad's computer.
MOTHER:Yes,I know a little bit about it.We got a brouchure in the mail from our bank about it telling us that they are just about done fixing the millenium bug.
SON:Even the embedded chips?
MOTHER:The embedded what?...........chips?..........Well Junior,I'm sure they're taking care of those too.The president has assured us that they're hard at work on it.
SON:You mean Mr.Clinton,the guy with the girlfriend problems?
MOTHER:(laughs)Now,now Junior,the president is a very smart man and he has a lot of smart people working on this millenium bug.
SON:I read on the computer that we might not have any 'lectricity.
MOTHER:Oh no son,these smart people will make sure everything works just fine.
SON:Well I read that some faraway countries might not have 'lectricity either.
MOTHER:Well,I'm sure they'll work it out.
SON:Well,if their 'lectricity goes out,won't all the ice cream in their fridges melt?
MOTHER:Well,I guess it could.
SON:Where would they get more ice cream?
MOTHER:Well I'm sure someone would help them out.
SON:Maybe their next door neighbour country?
MOTHER:Yes,I don't see why not.
SON:What if they won't give them any ice cream?
MOTHER:Well I'm sure they would agree to give them some ice cream.
SON:If they don't,maybe they'll fight over it,kinda like Grandpa did in Vietnam.
MOTHER:No,they'll work it out.
SON:(stands in bed,saluting)General,I've sent the troops in to retreive the ice cream....If you don't hear from us in 0400 hrs., send in the heavy artillery.....and if that don't work....send in Duke Nuk'em.........
MOTHER:(laughing,pulls son down)Bedtime soldier,now Junior,I want you to stop thinking about the millenium bug and those......what did you call them..........embedded.....chips?Start thinking about taco chips.Tomorrow I'm taking you out to a restaurant for lunch.And guess what we're having for dessert?........ Yep.......ICE CREAM!!!
casper974 ...
You are certainly free to believe that no one knows what they are doing in this world except you, and that people in the computer industry who have been working on these problems for years are (choose all that apply) (a) the most incompetent of all, (b) deluding themselves, or (c) lying. I am just one of many people who created some of the problems (due largely to memory constraints and the confidence that none of my software would be used twenty years later), and who have been working on the problems lately.
Believe what you like ... the Y2K apocalypse, the Easter Bunny, honest politicians, whatever you like. And you can deride my responses if you want, since simply assuming I've never done any of this work didn't wash. Put all your money in gold, build a cabin in the mountains, and wait out the inevitable end. I don't really care what you do.
And by the way, several of the words in your last post were not spelled correctly, including "millennium." I suspect that the Y2K 'bug' has infiltrated your machine quicker than most. Feel free to blame that on me.
Believe what you like ... the Y2K apocalypse, the Easter Bunny, honest politicians, whatever you like. And you can deride my responses if you
want, since simply assuming I've never done any of this work didn't wash.
Put all your money in gold, build a cabin in the mountains, and wait out
the inevitable end. I don't really care what you do.
The feeling's mutual. Anyway, if all the techies on the web talked like you, I most likely wouldn't be nervous. But you're very much in the minority, one that seems to be shrinking all the time. Check out the latest Y2K essay on the "Intellectual Capital" web site. Last month, they posted a fairly "pollyanna" essay, & the response was very mixed. This month's equally pollyanna-ish essay is met with almost overwhelming disapproval, by people whose credentials sound much like yours. If four out of five techie-geeks urge me to "run for the hills," am I going to listen to number five...?
Message 331
11:00am Aug 4, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
If four out of five techie-geeks urge me to "run for the hills," am I going to listen to number five...?
Which of the five have steady jobs, and which are trying to drum up business?
Once any society moves from an agrarian state to an industrialized one, the first effect is that the members of that society no longer control the means to survive. This will inevitably cause an underlying anxiety when we realize that our very lives are dependent on the effeciency of technology. This is even acceptable to people when they can still grasp the basics of that technology, such as water wheels or steam engines. Once technology moves well beyond the point of common understanding, though, the society is dependent on the abilities and instructions of "techno-druids". As with the druids of old, the people turn to them for explanations of unexplained phenomena and dark clouds on the horizon.
Well, we can all see the clouds and feel the tremors, and the techno-druids admit there is a disturbance in the heavens. Now the problem that causes great unrest and discomfort among the people is that all the techno-druids are either in disagreement over the problem, or are keeping to themselves for fear of legal repercussions, or are throwing their hands up and saying that there is no way to interpret the entrails. One techno-druid says "I have prayed to the god COBOL for over two decades and he says that while we have much work to do, we will be fine." The another says "Well, I have prayed to the god COBOL for over two decades, and while we are working hard to hold off his wrath, we will not make it in time and must prepare for hardships." Still others say "We have served in the various IT temples of electricity, water, manufacturing,finance, etc., and none of us agree." And yet others huddle together and whisper to each other "If we speak to the people, our merchant masters will behead us."
So the people in the society are left to their own devices. Some will conclude that it's best to keep faith in the techno-druids and the gods of Technology. Some will keep faith, but also make some preparations. Some will altogether turn their backs on Technology and the techno-druids and return to a simpler life of self-sufficiency. But one thing is sure. Unless the techno-druids can give honest, clear, concise and uniformed answers, they can't blame the people for making their own choices and not "keeping the faith".
Nicely stated.
There is a story in yesterdays LA Times reagarding testing done in one plant that revealed Y2K problems in microchips that had no obvious date functions:
http://www.latimes.com/HOME/NEWS/CUTTING/lat_y2k0803.htm
I am a computer programmer with 30 years of experience. I have a regular job and am not trying to drum up consulting business. I am reasonably convinced that Y2K will cause the end of the world as we know it (TEOTWAWKI), and am preparing for that eventuality.
When you're listening to the "4 out of 5 techies"--make sure you know which ones are trying to sell you the ticket on the bus that takes you to the hills. Yes, the hills may be a safe place--but if the flood waters only rise 6 inches instead of 500 feet, won't you feel pretty silly to have spent so much on transportation when a few sandbags could have solved the problem?
Anyone who claims the Y2K compliance issue is anything more than a bump in the road has a MAJOR stake in separating you from your money so they can "fix" a very minor problem at a very high cost.
Most companies' IS departments can handle it without any significant problems.
Message 337
12:15pm Aug 4, 1998 EST
The story doesn't go into enough technical detail to explain what was really wrong. There is a SIGNIFICANT difference between "no obvious date functions", and "no date functions". Also, considering how well (NOT) software is tracked in my company that writes it, I wonder about how well a refinery would track it.
Regarding evanmoore's comments (12:05PM 08 AUG 1998) - I have no services to sell, Evan. I am a 20-year+ professional with at least half-a-dozen assembly languages and a dozen higher-level languages under my belt, plus college-level computing beyond the 20+ years of salaried work. My background includes real-time industrial computing, personnel databases, and systems administration. I have programmed machines as varied as an IBM 1620, some laboratory and industrial systems, various PC-compatibles, and both VAX and Alpha super-minis. I have worked for private industry and for the U.S. government.
The Y2K problem is all too frequently misunderstood. Maybe I can clear it up a little. Here are the key points to consider:
1) How hard is it to fix an instance of a Y2K bug? Usually, quite easy. Maybe in isolated cases, five minutes. Sometimes, for the more pervasive cases, it will take hours or days. But such bugs are always fixable by reasonably competent programmers.
2) How do you know if you have a Y2K bug? Well, really, some are easy to spot, others are not so easy. You will find out if you have such a bug sometime in the year 2000. If you are lucky and can afford to wait that long to fix Y2K before it bites you. See, for example, the article referenced by cuchulane at 11:43 08 AUG 1998 for an example of an unexpected "gotcha." Or, you could try to find all the places you need to fix, which leads to...
3) How hard is it to find a Y2K bug?
It is easy to find database fields, COBOL picture clauses or database definitions, and other items where 2 digits are allocated to variables which are named YEAR, YR, or variations on that theme. It is even relatively easy to find places where a date function stores its output into a datum with only 2 digits for the year field. But some year references aren't named so clearly. And many of them depend on computations which only indirectly reference a year datum, perhaps through a long chain of calculations. So the search software won't catch all of those cases. And of course, if you modify something but don't fix the myriad number of things which use that same something, you haven't fixed the bug yet.
In the 60's, 70's, and into the 80's, it was not merely "clever" but absolutely NECESSARY to squeeze every last drop (uhh, BIT?) out of your computer. Resources were insanely expensive and your boss would either laugh at you or fire you if you said you had to buy more memory. So programmers did their darnedest to write elegantly compact (translation: incomprehensible) code on incredibly short schedules which did not allow for some of the nicer amenities (translation: documentation) to be included.
Therefore, DON'T expect to pick up your handly little programming reference guide to your software and expect it to list for you every time a date-based variable is referenced. DO be prepared to run the compiler, assembler, and/or linker with the cross-reference option turned on and slowly, methodically trace back all references to that obscure date field. DO be prepared to suffer eyestrain and headaches. The former will come from reading computer print too much. The latter will come from the late hours you spend doing that much reading.
If it weren't that software is so labor-intensive, nobody would care. But like it or not, we are stuck with it. Y2K is NOT hard to fix. It is hard to FIND. And THAT is the real problem that the long-term professionals worry about. That is the problem which will cause too many countries to have troubles with Y2K. And that is why some of us warn to expect trouble for several years after 01 JAN 2000.
To be fair, the problem very much depends on the industry you are in. The military is in good shape because they have been planning for all sorts of apocalypses (apocalypsia?) for quite some time, and some of those plans extend beyond the use of nuclear weapons and into the next century. Similarly, many financial institutions are in good shape at this point, if for no other reason than they have been using next century dates for quite some time (e.g. your mortgage payments). That in no way means any of these companies are prepared yet, let alone other 'industries' like the US government ... I did read, after all, that the IRS was scheduled to complete its Y2K conversion by 2002. The story may be apocryphal, however.
I agree with the question raised by just john. There are those of us, in the industry, who have been working at getting things into shape and who are not concerned ... at least, we are confident about our own systems and the ones with which we interface. Apparently, we are one in five. There are others (such as stheller, I assume), also in the industry, who are concerned about their own systems, or some interfacing systems or the systems in their business area in general. Let's say for the moment that this is another one of the five. However, there are also people in the industry who don't really know how things are going, but who know enough about systems to be scared about how bad things could be. Let's say that's another one in five. I am fairly confident that the remaining two in five are "trying to drum up business, in just john's words, given the obscene salaries and consulting rates being paid for Y2K conversions, the extremely short timeframe left in which to accomplish the changes, and the ridiculous fees being charged by Y2K 'visionaries' who have seen an audience and are here to capture every dollar from this audience that it possibly can.
Perhaps, if I'd been a COBOL programmer for twenty years, I would be trumpeting the Y2K problem as well. I could have made and still be making a LOT of money shopping my services around.
The breakdown I gave is obviously not scientific. The industry is so vast at this point, that it would be very difficult to reliably assign risk percentages anyway; but it seems clear that only a portion of all the critical systems in the world are at any real risk, and many of those, IMHO, can be corrected into the next millennium without dire results. Non-critical systems can either be junked and replaced, or fixed when we get around to them. In addition, I believe that only a subset, perhaps a small subset at that, of the frightening predictions about the Y2K problem are believable. Telling which those are is very difficult indeed.
Message 340
04:26pm Aug 4, 1998 EST
When you're listening to the "4 out of 5 techies"--make sure you know which ones are trying to sell you the ticket on the bus that takes you to the
hills. Yes, the hills may be a safe place--but if the flood waters only rise 6
inches instead of 500 feet, won't you feel pretty silly to have spent so
much on transportation when a few sandbags could have solved the
problem?
They're actually not trying to sell me anything. I neither own a company nor control the computers where I do work. I've never even met these people except on the Net, where most of them aren't attempting to sell anything to anyone, but merely exchanging info (on boards such as this one, or on Usenet, software.comp.year-2000). Paul Milne, the most articulate & entertaining of the serious alarmists, has never pitched me anything that I can recall. As for over-sandbagging: So what? Surely it's infinitely preferable to have a year's supply of food, water & ammo, & not need it, than to need it (to stay alive, remember?) & not have it. As long as the techno-druids say that there's a problem but either can't or won't agree on its seriousness, I'm inclined to heed the ones who are taking measures to protect their families.
Message 341
04:45pm Aug 4, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
As long as the techno-druids say that there's a problem but either can't or won't agree on its seriousness
That's because the ones who know have to rely on their companies' public relations offices to share the specifics with the outside world.
Message 342
06:41pm Aug 4, 1998 EST
There are others (such as stheller, I assume), also in the industry, who are concerned about their own systems, or some interfacing systems or the systems in their business area in general.
No, actually I'm most concerned about three major areas:
1. Banking
2. Telecommunications
3. Utilities (power, water, sewer, etc.)
If any of these goes down for any length of time (and I believe they will), we're looking at the end of Western civilization as we know it.
11:10pm Aug 4, 1998 EST
I've just spent a good amount of time reading through this thread.
I'm the "Technologist" for a small Macintosh oriented Design type agency, and I'm not particularly worried about the behavior of our computer systems after 01/01/00. Our agency contracts to large companies to study various aspects of society and human behavior and how these things relate to their brand positions in the marketplace.
I've also spent 7 years of my adult life living in Communes and engaging in various psycho/social experiments. I also enjoy the study of history, particularly ancient Rome and early U.S. history.
I mention these things to establish that although I do not write COBOL or understand the nature of Assembly Language, I'm not a total tech illiterate. But, more importantly, I think I have a little insight into how human beings are programmed.
There seem to be a lot of threads on this thread, or maybe more accurately, waves, regarding specifics in computer programming or imbedded systems, etc. People seem to enjoy waving their swagger sticks at each other and brandishing their knowledge of their particular fields. There also seem to be a few occasional one-shot doom and gloom comments with very little response.
There doesn't, however, seem to be much in the way of actual discussion about how society as a whole, and individuals will weather this particular storm.
Based on the cursory research that I've done in the past year or so, it is my opinon that Western Civilization as we know it will cease to exist in early 2000. My negative fantasy is to be in Times Square when the ball drops and the lights go out. Of course, I won't actually be there, because I'm moving my (extended) family to a small, fairly unknown Caribbean island next summer.
As far as I'm concerned, it all comes down to NO ELECTRICITY!!!
For a long time. A real long time. It doesn't matter what my computers are doing wrong, because they won't get any power. And without power, we won't be able to manufacture all the chips we need to replace the old ones in the embedded systems at the public utilities, Etc.
In the study of history, it becomes obvious that all societies evolve and change over time, and some end abruptly. Major Civilizations tend to crash harder than smaller societies. Our society and it's members have become so slow and thick, that when an abrupt change occurs, most people and organizations will not be able to adapt.
I'm sorry to say it, but in that cold winter (pray it's a mild one) people will freeze and starve.
Anyway, I would hope that people on this thread would be willing to talk to each other and other people that they know in a clear, rational way to try to figure out how to ease this blow, and to try to determine what kind of society we will live in after the smoke clears.
In conclusion, "Sorry, a System Error Occurred. Restart."
Message 344
09:09am Aug 5, 1998 EST
There doesn't, however, seem to be much in the way of actual discussion about how society as a whole, and individuals will weather this particular
storm.
... it is my opinon that Western Civilization as we know it will cease to exist in
early 2000. ... I won't actually be there, because
I'm moving my (extended) family to a small, fairly unknown Caribbean
island next summer.
Thank you for putting your finger on it: Those who truly believe in the inevitability of meltdown are indeed running for the hills. I have no problem with that -- I hope you & your familiy are safe -- but then, what are we left to talk about? If civilization is really doomed, then talking about the future is just so much deck-chair re-arranging on the Titanic. If I choose not to run off to the Caribbean (I have elderly parents & no children), do I simply resign myself to the fact that I will probably die a nasty death within two years from now? (Or is there room on that island/lifeboat for a few more...)
09:19am Aug 5, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
My family has had a place in the Adirondaks for decades. I went there for July 4, 1976, fearing terrorist insurgency.
Where will I be on midnight between 12/31/1999 and 1/1/2000? I'll probably be working, thanks to you panicking bastards and the fear you're inflicting on gullible executives. Add that to the wo-onderful opportunity to hear this crap for the next year and a half, and you might begin to understand my building rage.
If there is any time in our lifetimes for public nudity and fornication in the streets (where climate permits), it's 1/1/2000. But me? I get to be on the phone. "No, boss, everything's still working. Our months of testing were correct. Gosh, that sounds like a fun party ..."
09:56am Aug 5, 1998 EST
stheller ...
Of course, I cannot say with certainty about every company, but my entire career has been spent in banking and brokerage systems. I've sat through umpteen meetings about what changes are required, both within the companies I worked for and in industry groups such as the Y2K committee of the SIA. I've had direct contact with a few of the biggest banks in Japan and the bigger banks in the US with my systems. From what I have seen, and in talking with friends and associates in the industry, the financial industry is not at any great risk. Only a small portion are at or near completion yet, but all are solidly on schedule to be re-worked, tested, and in operation, Y2K compliant, well before 1/1/00. Friends and acquaintances in other fields within systems have told me pretty much the same story, including telecomms. (I don't know anyone working in utilities, unfortunately.) While there are likely to be some sort of problems, the computer industry as I've been associated with it has always been aimed at overkill in its designs, which is why some twenty-year-old systems run at all.
As I said before, if the critical systems work, which it seems sure they will from my experience and contacts, then the world is in no danger. Still, the work load is large ... during one SIA Y2K meeting a year and a half ago, the representative for one major brokerage said that they had 75 million lines of code to inspect and were only just starting. In addition, at that $1.10 per line of code estimate, it would cost the brokerage about $82.5 million to make sure the code is Y2K compliant. Senior management was telling him to do it in $8 million. But that was a year and a half ago, and if the 'hype' about the coming end of the world as we know it has accomplished anything, it has awakened some pointy-haired bosses who don't know beans about systems to the very real difficulties involved in solving the Y2K problem. My point is that the discussion of Y2K upgrades, and even the re-education of senior management, has been going on for years.
Still ... if someone wants to head for the hills (or the Caribbean), so long, farewell. It would be nice if you stayed behind in a more constructive role, but like just john I'm still going to be sitting here, coding my butt off on whatever they give me. We are already Y2K compliant at my job. The EMU is the problem of choice at the moment.
Apparently, though, some of my twenty-year-old code may still be in operation at Chase Manhattan Bank ... just my small part in bringing down civilization. :c)
Heading for the hills, or the Caribbean, doesn't mean that "the world" will end, or that by being in the hills, one is not still a member of society...
I live in a not so great section of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and I try to imagine what it will be like living there in January if there is no electricity, gas or water. If the social security and paychecks stop coming and food distribution network breaks down and people try to burn their furniture for warmth, there will naturally be problems.
Extrapolate that to a national or international level, and then try to imagine where it goes.
One of the problems with our society as it is currently configured, is that we have come to a place where "Economy" is more important than "People." All resources are geared towards growing "Economy" and most "People", other than a few the masters and celebrities, are viewed as cogs in the machinery of "Economy."
So, what happens when that system error occurrs? The most frightening aspect of all this is that noone knows. But if you look at the way "Economy" is configured for growth, I think it is fairly obvious that a major disruption will have long lasting effects. How will "People" handle that disruption? Many, not too eloquently, I'm afraid.
Anyone here remember the Crash of '29?
I don't.
I do know, however, that it took twenty years and a world war for the effects to be worked through. Also, a larger percentage of people at the time were able to fend for themselves. My Grandparents and members of their families lived nearby and had gardens and raised chickens and traded with other people in the area for other neccessities. I don't think there are many people in Williamsburg Brooklyn or the Upper West Side or Baltimore or Oakland or Tokyo who will have the resources or skills to live that way if there is a major disruption for six months. And that is precisely what could turn the disruption into disaster.
So what happens after that? Is "Economy" as we know it still relevant? Do petite dictators take over swaths of chaos? Do pockets of socialism grow where people band together? Will empire sized nation states be able to maintain control when communication networks don't work? What about individuals today? What sorts of preparations should people be making to protect themselves? Does anyone even really care, or have we forgotten how to deal with each other as "People?"
(pre-post-postmodern)
and I try to imagine what it will be like living there in January if there is no electricity, gas or water.
Why stop there? Why not throw in the Sun vanishing and the world wandering off into space? If you must indulge in fantasies, why not do it up right?
Each of those systems predates computers and has gone through all sorts of problems and is still going. Remember the Great Blackout of 1965? I do. Was there mass rioting? Hardly.
Again, all these panic stories assume that the world runs a lot smoother than it actually does, so we're unable to cope with anything unexpected (as if Y2k is unexpected..) Heck, the air traffic controllers have lost track of Air Force One TWICE within the past two months.
The systems of our world are kludged together with baling twine and duct tape. What keeps them running is constant oversight by experienced people who deal with major screwups DAILY. Think George Kennedy in the Airport movies, multiplied by millions. 1/1/2000 will be a breeze, compared to, say, a water main break or an earthquake.
but like just john I'm still going to be sitting here, coding my butt off on whatever they give me.
I expect to be sitting here, with nothing to do, with just time, resentment and a pile of email addresses ...
The Sun is not going to disappear and an asteroid the size of Texas is not going to ram into the earth (we assume). The point is not to indulge in fantasies, but to try to anticipate reality.
We all know that many major systems are held together with spit and elbow grease, and that there are many hard working people such as yourselves working long hours to rectify the problem. One major aspect of this problem seems to be that when the proverbial poop hits the air conditioning unit, there won't be enough skilled and dedicated people to get it all sorted out in a timely manner.
So, since there is a definate time limit here, what happens after that time limit? As a student of human nature it's the reactions of people that I'm more concerned with than the technical details. Unfortunately, people have become isolated from each other socially and emotionally, and since we get many more "impressions" through the media, etc. of killing and theft and mayhem than we do of cooperation and concern and sharing, how do you think the majority of people are going to react if they have to actually figure out how to "survive"?
As a student of human nature it's the reactions of people that I'm more concerned with than the technical details. Unfortunately, people have become isolated from each other socially and emotionally, and since we get many more "impressions" through the media, etc. of killing and theft and mayhem than we do of cooperation and concern and sharing, how do you think the majority of people are going to react if they have to actually figure out how to "survive"?
Why do you think people's reactions will be so horrible? Can you give some examples of how mass chaos broke out due to times of trouble? Someone mentioned that the NY blackout had little significant impact. When hurricanes hit the coasts, you don't see huge human on human slaughter. Doing the first few days after the OK City bombing, when it was perceived as being caused by Arab terrorists, how many people spent their time killing/maiming Arabs compared to those who volunteered to remove rubble and care for the victims families. Where do you get this notion that in times of trouble people won't try to help each other, but will destroy each other instead? Why do you think people will react differently to this? Do you have any examples? Or are you just tossing out fantasies?
And don't bring up race riots, and such. When humans feel they are being oppressed and put-down by other humans, they can, indeed, turn ugly. But Y2K is being more perceived as a "natural disaster" than it is being perceived as one group putting down another. Your example of people's negative reaction to armageddon needs to be of the "natural disaster" type.
Message 351
12:46pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
I believe that people's reactions will be different than during previous blackouts, bombings, race riots, and natural disasters because of the scale of difficulty that this problem MAY present.
My neighbors and I have never been without gas and electricity and food distribution for a month. And that's entirely possible. Poor people who are cold and hungry and don't know their neighbors aren't likely to be all that helpful toward each other when they haven't gotten a paycheck in two months because their company closed because it's clients couldn't pay their bills and the stock market dropped to 3000 and they get two hours of electricity a day. I think that by early March, it's gonna get ugly. And there won't be disaster relief workers rushing to large swaths of North America, Europe and Asia.
As far as examples of people trying to destroy one another:
(and remember, all of these things happen in order to control resources)
Kosovo, Albania, Croatia, Rawanda, the Middle East, Tajikisatan, Korea, Vietnam, Sudan, Ethiopia, World War One, World War Two, Tibet, The Civil War, The Civil Rights Movement, Much of the "History" of the western hemisphere, Rome, Carthage, Troy, bla,bla,bla.
True, most of these and other examples of "War" that we could probably come up with are usually caused by "Political" situations, But aren't most human interactions on large and small scales political?
I know that I personally don't really want to spend the next year talking about "doomsday" scenarios, but rather "post-doomsday" possibilities. I think it's the good in people that will get SOME of us through it all (as well as raw survival insticts). But how does that happen? Through communication and information sharing? Through anticipation and planning? Unfortunately, because of the lack of accountability in our society, there is no coordinated effort to inform people and plan for the future. In fact, from what I see, in many aspects of society the coordinated effort is geared more towards keeping people from wanting to be informed. (sell more disaster movie tickets that way!)
(pre-post-postmodern)
My neighbors and I have never been without gas and electricity and food distribution for a month. And that's entirely possible.
It's possible tomorrow. But in the context of this subject, it's ridiculous and irresponsible.
I'm sorry, I don't understand...
In the context of WHAT subject, WHAT in particular is ridiculous and irresponsible?
(pre-post-postmodern)
Claiming that it's likely that there will be month-long outages of all utilities after 1/1/2000 is irresponsible.
From what I've read at websites like:
http://www.euy2k.com/
http://www.co-intelligence.org/y2k_breakthrough.html
http://www.year2000.com/cgi-bin/y2k/year2000.cgi
as well as media articles and books by ed yourdan and others, (go ahead, tell me that they're just trying up their billing rates and ad pages, I can take it!) it seems to me that the irresponsibility comes in people and organizations denying that major system shutdowns are POSSIBLE. Of course "Responsibility" in this day and age has taken on a new flavor. "Responsibility" these days is more likely to mean protecting a company's stock price and next quarter earnings than to solve bizzare problems that will affect "consumers." Yes, saying these things too loudly in polite society could cause a run on the banks, etc, but NOT saying these things is just as likely to be harmful.
Question: is this forum meant to be specifically technical?
Message 356
01:35pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
pshannon:
I suppose the stock market could drop 5000 points within the next month for reasons totally unrelated to Y2K, and maybe or maybe not the kind of chaos you envision would ensue. Same thing if some renegade country launches a nuclear miisile at us, or if an asteroid strikes the earth. Whether or not you wish to live your life in fear of events over which you have no control is your own personal choice.
But you're still way off base on Y2K. Society and computer networks are similar. They aren't like hierarchies where if one important piece fails, everything down the line fails. They are replete with redundancies where if one piece fails, there is someone or something else available to replace it. Perhaps SOME supermarkets will not be able to deliver food, or SOME power plants will shut down, etc. etc., but not ALL. The ones that don't fail will still be there to take up the slack, and I predict those will be in the majority. The assertion that there will be this huge domino effect causing everyone's power, water and gas services to disappear is a fantasy.
Y2K is a real problem for companies who rely on huge computer systems, particularly old mainframes. But I still maintain that those that assert that the average citizen should be hiding behind his one-year stockpile of canned food and clutching a shotgun on New Years 2000, are engaging in nothing more than garden apocalyptic fear-mongering, a la Heaven's Gate.
(pre-post-postmodern)
it seems to me that the irresponsibility comes in people and organizations denying that major system shutdowns are POSSIBLE.
A "shutdown" and a month-long outage are several orders of magnitude apart.
Go shout "fire" in a crowded theater.
My neighbors and I have never been without gas and electricity and food distribution for a month. And that's entirely possible.
I'll let just_john and others refute your "possible" claim, and just stick with the social reaction side, which is what you said you were most interested in.
Can you give an example of a time when the above happened for a month and great social unrest occurred? How about for a week? How about for a year? Can you give an example of a society that ever melted itself down due to a disaster that impacted all of them equally?
Growing up on the farm in Iowa, we were at times completed isolated for a week or so due to snowstorms. A few years ago, the floods were so bad that entire towns and cities became complete islands for a week or so at a time. Did Europe revert to the Stone Age when the Bubonic Plague swept through it? What did the people of Berlin do when the Soviet Uniun blockaded it? Did they start slaughtering each other in anarchistic chaos, or did they tough it out and wait for whatever meager supplies they were able to get?
I'm still waiting for an example supporting your fear that people will turn against each other when confronted with a large common obstacle.
Kosovo, Albania, Croatia, Rawanda, the Middle East, Tajikisatan, Korea, Vietnam, Sudan, Ethiopia, World War One, World War Two, Tibet, The Civil War, The Civil Rights Movement, Much of the "History" of the western hemisphere, Rome, Carthage, Troy, bla,bla,bla.True, most of these and other examples of "War" that we could probably come up with are usually caused by "Political" situations, But aren't most human interactions on large and small scales political?
Unless you can go into more detail, from what I know, these are all examples of political and ethnic quarrels, where one group feels that another group is the cause of their problem(s). As I mentioned in my first post on this thread, this isn't how people view Y2K. Any Y2K fall-out will affect everybody with similar impact, much like a major earthquake or volcanic eruption.
As to your question about "politics", no, most human interactions are NOT political. Unless you want to redefine "politics", I spend most of my time doing routine day-to-day tasks and pursuing goals that have nothing to do with politics. Only when I have some free time, do I end up discussing it with others, or taking any political action.
01:52pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
(pre-post-postmodern)
And regarding natural disasters and their aftermaths, one hears the phrase "pull together" used so frequently to describe what communities do that perhaps it doesn't sink in anymore.
Look at the aftermaths of hurricanes, floods and earthquakes. Look at England in the Blitz.
There seems to be plenty of willingness to compare the pessimists view (I'm one of them, and I'm a normally genial and optimistic person) of the y2k POSSIBILITIES with adrenaline rushing entertainment from popular culture. I maintain, however that what we're talking about here is a known problem with unknown results. From my cursory and unprofessional research and understanding of the way our society is structured, I believe that our civilization AS IT IS NOW CONFIGURED will cease to exist, and something else will take it's place. It's happened before.
Did I say that there would be a month long outage? Actually I think it will be more like a year. And if I was in a crowded theatre and a fire broke out, I would indeed try to inform the other people in the theatre and try to get out before I was overcome by smoke. I certainly wouldn't yell FIRE if I was convinced there was none, and I don't think I am now.
(pre-post-postmodern)
Did I say that there would be a month long outage? Actually I think it will be more like a year.
(To the rest of the congregation:) And you know what's REALLY frustrating? After another year and a half of having to refute this nonsense, come the first week of January and we're all still here, will we hear any apologies?
Sometimes I really regret having a conscience, because otherwise I could collect such a good list of people to run scams on.
From my cursory and unprofessional research and understanding of the way our society is structured, I believe that our civilization AS IT IS NOW CONFIGURED will cease to exist, and something else will take it's place. It's happened before.
Well, that's exactly what I'm asking about. WHEN has it happened before?!?
03:01pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
I can't give examples of this kind of social unrest happening in the past, because this is a completely new set of circumstances! A post-agrarian, post-industrial, technological society with millions of people working at service jobs has never existed before. And with the level of technological dependency that we are experiencing now, there is no way to tell how people will react if they don't get their hydrocarbons. I suppose that people living in rural Iowa will probably be better off than people in urban hives. They're closer to where the food grows, and probably a little more civil towards each other.
As far as examples of social reactions in the past, I personally don't think they apply to this situation. I think that what we will experience will be more like the inverse of the sacking of Rome. The hordes from the cities fanning out through the countryside in search of food. (Cambodia in the 70's?) The former Yugoslavia and Soviet Union are recent examples of societies that were reconfigured suddenly, Yugoslavia is riddled with ethnic cleansing and Russia is practically run by the gangsters. As far as societies completely eliminated at the hands of other human beings? What about Native Americans?
Also keep in mind with examples from the past that many of those occurred in homogenous societies not too far removed from a village tradition. That ain't the case in the Washington-Boston Corridor, San Francisco to Tijuana, big swaths of Europe, the Middle East and other "Centers of Modern Civilization." Where I live in New York City, the ethnic and class tensions are not too far under the surface.
As an aside, just_john, you seem to be rather vocal in this forum, so if you could give me a little bit of background about yourself, it would help me to understand your position. If you could point me in the right direction toward credible sources that could convince me that this will only be a minor problem, I would also appreciate that.
Did I say that there would be a month long outage? Actually I think it will be more like a year.
You would be an idiot. Do you not realize that power companies, grocery stores, all the utilities you seem to think will be out of commission for a year are owned by corporations. Now, back to Econ 101, but corporations want to make money! And the measures they will go to to make sure that they have a steady check coming in should never be underestimated. I would predict a day outage at absolute most. And that is pushing it. Go learn about the problem, then come talk.
~hugh
I realize this was directed toward just_john, but I will answer it too.
If you could point me in the right direction toward credible sources that could convince me that this will only be a minor problem, I would also appreciate that.
Learn to program (start with PASCAL, then maybe learn BASIC, and COBOL too. These won't help you in the real world because they are almost never used anymore). Then learn all you can about economics so you will understand what companies will do in the event of a crisis like this. Don't study anything before, say, 1935, because the country didn't really have a nationwide power grid. Learn specificly about the Second World War and the measures taken by the private sector to insure life would continue as close to normal as possible. Also, forget any ideas you have of international disaster, because it isn't going to happen. Also, you might learn exactly how the power grid works, how the telephone company works, etc.
There ya go,
~hugh
Actually, I am familiar with the basics of history and capitalism, and that is precisely why I believe this is a huge problem. There are other forces at play inside the modern corporation besides the profit motive. They include "Accountability and Responsibility." These are two areas in which the corporate organism and the individuals inside of it are sadly lacking. Most corporations will do much more to make sure the public has a good impression of them in the marketplace, and thereby keep their earnings high and their stock prices rising, than they will to address actual problems for which they should be held accountable. The corporate entity has more rights and fewer responsibilities in this society than the individual does.
So, while all these corporations are willing to admit that there is a y2k problem, and that they are working on it, none of them is ever going to admit to the possible extent of the problem. I've read statements by quite a few companies, and they all sound downright cheery. Will a major corporate entity ever admit that they don't know the extent of the problem, that they won't have time to test all their systems, and that they don't think they'll be ready? I think not. The stockholders would not allow it.
Government, on the other hand, operates under a different set of responsibilities. I've seen in various places that several major government agencies won't be ready until as late as 2005. They're somehow reluctantly admitting the extent of the problem. So, what happens when those agencies aren't able to pay their vendors in the private sector? What happens when regulatory agencies aren't able to oversee industries that are in trouble? What happens when public utilities are unable to bill and collect? What happens when the national power grid is overloaded because of failures due to embedded systems? I personally haven't a clue. I do know, however, that there seems to be an awful lot of name calling and finger pointing and very little in the way of clear communication and information sharing.
Message 367
03:46pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
ErisX Web Design
Did some people watch the Mad Max movies a few too many times, or what?
Actually, I don't think I've ever seen a Mad Max movie. Maybe the one with Tina Turner. I have, however, read Gibbons' "Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire" and Barbra Tuchman's "March of Folly" which gives examples of societal shortsightedness and their implications (examples - Vietnam and King George III losing the American Colonies). Truth is stranger than fiction.
ErisX Web Design
Personally, I also think that Western Civilization is about due for a quantum shift. But I think Y2K has very little to do with it.
"The truth isn't as strange as we imagine -- it's stranger than we can imagine."
Message 370
04:17pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
Sensible, coming from a Discordian.
Just remember that Quantum Shifts are usually started by some catalyst, and a major disruption in the way society works because it's machines can't talk to each other properly is a likely catalyst.
I decided to have a look at the links pshannon provided that demonstrated how serious the Y2K problem really is. I will admit upfront that I didn't have much time to prowl around in detail, but here is my take on those sites:
http://euy2k.com
This one is confined to the utilities industry. It has quotes and articles that range from 'this is the end of the world' to 'this is not as big a deal as everyone thinks.' Mr. Cowles (the man who runs this site) clearly leans much more strongly to the former position, however. Nevertheless, he did include such quotes as these:
"Gent nevertheless predicted that even if today were December 31, 1999, 'the lights would stay on in most places.'" Gent is the President of the North American Energy Reliability Council.
"They have plenty of time to fix it before the crucial year." This is a quote from Staffan Forsberg, director for nuclear safety for a group overseeing Y2K compliance for the Swedish government. His quote came in response, I should point out, to a test failure at a Swedish nuclear plant, when a water feed system could not handle a 21st century date.
Most of Mr. Cowles answers to the various opinions were, IMHO, along the lines of "See I told you so," for stories supporting his view, and "Maybe, maybe not," for stories that counter his view. At least he gives both sides of the story, even if it's biased.
http://co-intelligence.org/y2k_breakthrough.html
This is a site at the Co-Intelligence Institute, a 'group' (it may be just Tom Atlee) who is trying to promote understanding of one another, and who think the Year 2000 'crisis' is a perfect moment for a "breakthrough" in understanding. A sample quote, which Mr. Atlee used as a sort of umbrella denial that technical solutions to the Y2K problem are even possible:
"Y2K is not, at its roots, a technical problem. It is a problem that arises from our social, economic and cultural vulnerability and our blindness to that vulnerability."
I hesitate to call Mr. Atlee a whacko, but this is just the sort of organization that gives concern for the Y2K problem a bad name.
http://www.year2000.com/cgi-bin/y2k/year2000.cgi
I must admit that I looked at this site the least. I was curious when I saw the results of a survey they published about awareness and concern for the Y2K problem, when I noticed that the survey showed that 82% of Y2K managers were knowledgeable about the Y2K problem. Excuse me? You mean there are any Y2K managers who don't know what the problem is? Maybe I should be concerned after all. I thought all this compliance documents and questionnaires were necessary evils to insure that we are all working together and getting everything fixed. Now I find out that some of the people sending me these documents don't even know why?
What prompted me to leave the site immediately, BTW, was seeing a link at the bottom of the main page that noted that this site is a subsidiary of The Tenagra Corporation. Out of curiosity, I clicked on the link and found that this corporation is a web-site developer that provides consulting services. Well, that was bloody unexpected, wasn't it?
Actually, to be fair to pshannon, I re-read his/her message and found that the complaint is that we don't think the Y2K problem is "POSSIBLE" (that is pshannon's choice of word and case). I think perhaps pshannon doesn't realize that most of us (those who have any sense, at least) already know that the Y2K problem is possible, and dangerous, and huge ... but we are actually working on it, and have been doing so for quite some time. "Possible" is not at all the same as "likely," and I am in the camp who says it isn't very likely that anything momentous will happen on 1/1/00, except perhaps that I'll get drunker than normal.
Message 372
04:57pm Aug 5, 1998 EST
So, would that be drunker than normal for a New Year's Eve, or are you saying that you're normally drunk and plan to be more so that day? ;-)
BTW thanks for the executive summary
No one has any right to critisize anyone elses views on Y2K as being the views of an idiot when the fact remains that reliable information on the realities of Y2k are non-existent. The idea posted previously by one person that anyone fearing Y2K should go learn COBOL and FORTRAN and become an expert on the power grid...Oh, yeah, that's realistic.And what would be the point , the people who are experts and have the sheepskin to back it up don't agree anyway. Many of you seem to want to just be able to say "I know what I'm talking about, just trust me there is no problem, and your a fool if you think there is."
Unfortunately, there are just as many others saying "I know what I'm talking about, just trust me there is a major problem, and your a fool if you think there isn't." Then the first group says " Don't believe them, they're just trying to sell you something." And the other group says "Don't believe them, they're just protecting their stocks." So the average person can't glean anything from the self-proclaimed "experts".
So, how about information from the actual corporations and businesses? Yeah,right,if there's one thing corporations are famous for, it's their openess and honesty, especially in matters of public safety ;-b The SEC sends out a request for disclosure of Y2K preparedness and less than 25% of the corporations bother to respond. That sure fills the average concerned citizen with confidence. The SBA polls hundreds of small businesses and finds 38% have never heard of Y2K. Wonderful.
So the banks and financial institutions will give us the real scoop, right? They certainly wouldn't put protecting their assets above public information, would they? Who knows...but they do prohibit their IT and IS people from disclosing Y2K readiness levels. In fact, the gov't won't even allow them to. Another great morale booster for the general public there. If people run the banks in '99 is it because people are just stupid? Of course not. It's because economics depend completely on faith and confidence, and nothing is being done to instill either.
The simple fact is, none of you experts are anymore trustworthy than the others, nobody trusts corporations because they have such a long history of massive bungling and lying, and many people are becoming aware that "big finance" is really just play money. If the Powers-That-Be want to prevent bank runs, needless panick, and run-to-the-hills mentality, they had better find a way to make the general public very well informed of the real state of the problem, and they had better be 100% honest about it. Even if the news is bad, a well informed public will be much better prepared than if left to their own suspicions.
The thing about this whole issue that I react the strongest to is the idea that for whatever reason, people are unwilling to see the possibility that our civilization, as it is currently configured, is very fragile. Yes, human beings are very resilient, and life will go on. But what will it look like? Who and how many will suffer in the transition and to what extent? An awful lot of people that I've talked to about this respond with a who cares attitude. And in my opinion, that's where the danger lies.
Yes, many talented people have been working on this for a while, and will continue to do so up until literally the last second. It's my understanding, however, that this will only serve to scratch the surface (or maybe gouge it). My understanding is that there are so many embedded systems out there that will have problems, that won't be replaced, (8% of 50 Billion?) that it may take years after the fact to replace all this stuff.
So, when the excrement hits the cooler, how will it all get done? If it's not possible to rectify all the problems that arise, how will society and its' members respond? What form will "Capitalism" take? How will neccessities be distributed if the railroads don't work properly because all the manual switches were replaced with computerized switches that may not be compliant?
Yes, of course, we can entertain ourselves by going back and forth about the specifics of where our evidence comes from, and attack each other because we don't agree with each other's positions, or we can try to build a reasoned discourse about what people and communities can do to insure everyone's health and safety.
No one has any right to critisize anyone elses views on Y2K as being the views of an idiot when the fact remains that reliable information on the realities of Y2k are non-existent. The idea posted previously by one person that anyone fearing Y2K should go learn COBOL and FORTRAN and become an expert on the power grid...Oh, yeah, that's realistic...<diatribe on how experts do not agree, etc snipped>
I still maintain that anyone (pshannon) who thinks the power grid is going to go down for a year has idiotic tendancies. Find any qualified expert who can back that up and I would be shocked.
By the way, why is "one person's" (my) idea about learning COBOL not realistic? (For the record I never suggested learning FORTRAN) pshannon wanted to know how to be better educated about the Y2K problem. I personally have never met a non-programmer who has understood it to any meaningfull extent. But that's just me. As an example, how many non car-mechanics (or people with experience in the field of car maintinence) do you know who could diagnose and fix a broken fuel pump.
~hugh
I have been working on the Y2k problem in embedded systems for the last ten months. Control systems and instrumentation are the likeliest to fail. In spite of the attention the topic has gotten, I have yet to learn of any common household appliance or passenger car which has a Y2k problem (if anyone knows of a specific make and model, please let me know).
Nontheless, many talented individuals are spending time and money trying to minimize the predictable effects of embedded system problems. This has to impact the economy in a negative way!
While the universe
will continue to unfold as it should Y2k will in my opinion have a major impact on our lives for a short period of time.
The computer software problem is equally great, but easier to understand. It requires manpower, money and time. Time cannot be increased.
"Anything one man can break, another man can fix."
HOLLYWOOD BECOMES REALITY
Despite such planning -- and despite millions of dollars spent for help from assorted Year 2000 consultants -- a sense of urgency remains in Annapolis and Richmond, a
realization that repairs are a more time-consuming task than anticipated. . . . "It was like worrying about getting hit by an asteroid," Morris said. "You don't think
it is coming until you see it coming and you think even then it is going to miss you." .
I have an old "8 track player" sitting on a shelf getting dusty.Does anyone have any knowledge whether I should be concerned about it containing any embedded chips? Also, how long can I run the tape player (with small speakers)on an average car battery.
P.S. Sorry about my grammer(or is grammar),but garbage is still gar-bage.Its all relative.
I really dont care what the date is on my camcorder, but I sure hope the date is right on the machines that, write my retirement check, controlls my electricity, water, gas, and the airport that directs the airplanes over my house. at three score plus it has been my observation that man puts everything off till the last minute ( the line up at the last minute to file tax returns as an example.)
I would advise everyone to have hard copys of everything financial and enough cash to last a month. a well stocked pantry wouldnt hurt either and a full gas tank, onthe last day of 1999. we locally have already had a machine lock up over a credit card with an expiration date of 2001
(Compiled by just john, on April 23, 2003.)

Is it a joke? Is it a cult? Is it a candy mint?
Netta Gilboa: What is the Church of the SubGenius?
Ivan Stang: That is a damned good question. We’re still trying to figure that one out, ourselves. A lot depends on who is asking. The Church wears many hats; it has to, just to survive, since it doesn’t really fit into any one known genre or category, and it infuriates devotees of MANY known genres, categories and denominations.
Here’s what we tell people:
In 1953, the holy salesman "Bob" Dobbs discovered that there was a Conspiracy of Normal Humans insidiously robbing away the Slack of the SubGeniuses (the abnormals and nonhuman bipeds) and repressing their vital powers of abnormality — their Slack. In response, Dobbs created this disorganized religion — although he didn’t go public with it until 1980, when he thought the world might be ready for it. It was a "cult" for mutants, misfits, disbelievers, and those who’d believe anything... a fellowship for gimps, perverts, dope addicts, hippies, those who still read books, sex fiends, victimless criminals, and all the for-real, down home people... the SubGenii: those who look, but aren’t, human. And, unfortunately (at least until some rich sucker becomes our "sugar-daddy"), this has to include numberless slogan-spouting, immature, obnoxious nerds, fanboys and geeks — for without them, we wouldn’t even break even.
To some people the Church is salvation. Seriously. They honestly say that just knowing that the Church EXISTED AT ALL saved them from suicide. To others it’s just a really good joke, though an endlessly complex one. To others, it’s a really bad joke, and to yet others it’s a dangerous cult, potentially right up there with the Branch Davidians, the Satanists, the Masons and the Southern Baptists. They think we’re some kind of devil worshippers, even though we don’t even believe in the Devil. The overly politically correct sometimes think we’re not good, politically correct warriors against the establishment, because our stuff is funny and takes vicious swipes at all who are most certain their cause is the morally right one. Others — especially doctors and lawyers — seem to know professional bull-slinging when they see it, and enjoy that aspect of it. So it’s a What-Is-It.
At least we don’t hate minorities. We only hate the majority — the NORMALS.
We proclaim how tolerant we are of everything weird, different, fringe, and shunned, and then turn around and advocate enslaving all Normals — the Mediocretins, the Pink Boys, the Barbies and Kens, the Box Dwellers. (After all, they’ve already enslaved themselves under the money-grubbing Conspiracy anyway.) This proves that we embody the first principle of any successful religion: hypocrisy.
For artists, it’s a great vehicle for collaboration with other talented sickos; Dobbs created a wonderful framework on which one can hang almost anything, a skeleton that anybody can help flesh out. It’s a hell of an excuse for pranks on the straight-laced. Our first and only real rule is, "Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke." (Or in more polite terms, "Let them mount up upon themselves, if they cannot see the humor in it.")
Those who think it’s some kind of primitive fertility cult, a throw-back to Paleolithic days, using the underground art scene as an excuse, are probably closer to the truth than anybody else.
There really is a Conspiracy of Normals, though, and we ALL definitely need more Slack. Let there be no doubt about that.
GA: How is it different from other churches?
Stang: All the rest are liars. We are liars too, for sure, but we’re the only ones that are halfway honest about our lying.
The thrill of installing whole operating systems just for the hell of it is a unique pleasure, which paradoxically often involves lots of screaming and cussing. I'm usually too worn out to write up my own experiences, but happily for us, iDRMRSR has been reporting his escapades on alt.slack, and he graciously gave me permission to re-print some of his writing here.
I include links to Google's archives of the actual threads, so you can follow our rude responses and snotty suggestions we made and perhaps add your own.
061128 00:09 by iDRMRSR
Yes, I've decided to try something which for me is UTTERLY PERVERSE.
I'm right now downloading UBUNTU 6.10 for installation on one of these spare PC's I have cluttering up the place. The Windows ME which formerly ran it is now no longer supported by Myqrocopht. I could just take the HD out and plop it into my XP box, but this seems such a waste.
Especially since the old machine is actually a nice 1GHZ plus Pentium.
I already know it won't accept XP, and I won't accept spending $100 for another licence...and I hate to throw the thing in the trash, so I'm doing the only other thing that seems sensible.
I am RAPING it with Linux.
Please note that this is an admission on my part that...I abhor Apple something terrible...I'm not that impressed with Vista by any means...and this will give my idle hand(s) something to do in my dotage. That is, keep up to date functionally without expense of any real money.
I can't see how I would turn that old box into my main squeeze BUT you never can tell, I might be closet-gay for Linux after all. So let's just say I'm bi-curious.
Prolly gonna SHIT all over the nVidia video card, though...and I'll be up scouring the net for install hints all night...and end up throwing the thing out in tomorrow's trash anyhow, like I did the last time I futzed with Linux back in 1996.
Wish me luck...
061128 03:57
Already I'm finding out how much UBUNTU SUX for your average Windoze dude.
So, OK, I managed to install it to HD and still keep around my ole windoze partition with all the data. Didn't scrog it all as I thought I would. Dual boots nicely.
Then I got into a catch 22 with the fucking video card driver. It's NVIDIA TNT2 M64. I go to the application installer (graphic) and lo and behold, there is NVIDIA LEGACY DRIVER on the list. I check it off and a nasty message comes back that THIS IS NOT SUPPORTED ON YOUR HARDWARE.
Two more hours of sifting through Google searches and I find some clown who actually wrote a program which you run in Terminal that goes out to Nvidia and yanks their proprietary driver and installs it and configures all the other ninety seven layers of crap between TTY and your monitor which linux imposes.
Well, it worked, and got me into 1280 by 768 mode just as my wide ass monitor required.
Then I go to my MySpace page and I get an error message:
TOTEM cannot play //fd//0
or some such crap like that. Because there is an embedded MP3 file, and UBUNTU is all FREE software but MP3 is proprietary and so...gasp gasp...
FUCK IT. It's too fucking late to deal with this, I need some sleep. I'll have to wait until tomorrow, or maybe the next day if Google is slow, JUST to get Firefox to play a fucking MP3 embedded in a web page.
This is why I say Linux SUX. No bells and whistles work right out of the box. I thought this would be a little better by now.
Yeah, if I was putting up a database server or something gray and odorless like that, yeah, Linux would be OK.
I dunno.
I was going to say "the night is YOUNG", but for "Bob"s sake, it's 4 AM and I just got the screen resolution working.
PS it's slower than Windows ME was, sigh, on the same hardware.
061128 14:58
Well, I give UBUNTU Edgy Eft one half kudo.
My camera flash card reader...JUST WORKED!
My old scanner...JUST WORKED!
I also got the MP3's to play and satisfy TOTEM, whatever that is.
BUT...my WEBCAM...arrgh.
I'm being held hostage by a lone French developer somewhere who has written an application which works for SOME Logitech cams, but mine (device ID 046d:0869) of course fails. I'll have to wait until he finds time not bathing and not changing his underwear, and in that interval I'll prolly grow as much armpit hair as he has, while he codes up a new version.
It gives me great pleasure to install something with the UNSTABLE repository option, too. This cam is stacked up to the ceiling at WalMart. I guess they don't have une WalMart en France, eh?
So I can't post a YouTube video of me running UBUNTU here in the Condo of Solitude just yet. Oh, there's another method (always is) which requires me to cut and paste 35 different commands into a terminal window, covering three and a half pages of text, which might yield a working driver in the end as it attempts to compile every line of C code written by humankind.
Didn't Linux ever hear of INSTALLSHIELD?
Heh, that and Linux is CaSeSeNsItIvE to boot, which to my Windows eyes is grotesque.
Right now I'm about as likely to embrace Linux as Islam, sigh.
061129 01:22 by iDRMRSR
Had to give up on my webcam. It's just not going to fly under Linux. There's like only two people on the whole planet writing drivers for webcams and they haven't got round to my model just yet.
So then I decided maybe I could do something neatsy keen with MUSIC. So I downloaded this package called Hydrogen which alleges to produce nice drum and bass loops. I know a lot less about music than I do about Linux, let's face it, but when I played the DEMO that came with it, it sounded kind of like when you pull your straw through your Big Gulp lid. Not like drums at all. Squeaky.
Then I tried to play some MIDI file I had laying around, since Hydrogen is MIDI based. Ho HO! No player associated with type MIDI. So it did some kind of scan and told me I should install a package called AMAROK, which is kind of an iTunes for Linux.
I installed it. It's so freaking complicated it had to install a database server, too, which I let it do. Then I pointed it at my Windows partition which had all the music. 58% of the way cataloguing the music, it burped and I never heard from it again.
I cranked it up and tried to feed it a MIDI file. It thought for a while and then said "Unsupported Format". This is strange because, after all, the system RECOMMENDED this package to me! Then I noticed when I tried to quit the stinking program, it argued with me because it wanted KDE and I have GNOME installed. Failed recommendation on TWO counts.
Another quick search on the net finds that there is precisely ONE program which can play a MIDI, TIMIDITY. I installed that sucker, and LO AND BEHOLD it plays MIDI files just great...but the only thing is...it's a CONSOLE MODE program.
Yep, no pussy "click on an icon and pretty music". No, you have to type the whole invocation of the program and then the path to the frigging file every time you want to hear a MIDI file. My fingers would get worn out.
Not only that but I had to download a whole symphony of synth tables, again from some asshole in France, and it pinned the CPU at 100% the whole time it was playing. However, I must admit the SOUND was actually much RICHER than when played under Windows!
TIMIDITY and HYDROGEN do not speak to each other, sadly, so I get the "wet thumb on the rubber balloon sound" instead of snare drums still.
Now I have to figure out just how to UNINSTALL Hydrogen and AMAROK and its SQLITE database server. Cuz, it's not like Linux is going to have a good ADD/REMOVE SOFTWARE thing. Heh, to be FAIR, it has TWO of them...neither of which talk to each other.
Oh, and FIREFOX 2.0 took a crap WHILE IT WAS MINIMIZED WITH A BLANK PAGE! I thought the mantra was Linux NEVER has the same kind of problems as Windows. I could see it crapping out if it was DOING something but it was minimized. My my.
The icing on the cake was the bubble that came up to inform me that I needed to apply 13 CRITICAL PATCHES. Yup, this shit has "automatic update" built right into the pie.
One thing I sort of did solve was the way the FONTS look in Linux. STRANGE. Every program has a different idea what Arial should look like, and Firefox sometimes substitutes a Serif font for the non serif ones! The only thing WORSE looking that I've seen is a Mac.
It turns out you have to download and install TRUE TYPE fonts if you want Linux to look anything like Windows (eg, what I've been staring at for 8 hours or more a day for the last 12 years). Turns out UBUNTU can't include them automatically because they are LICENSED by MS.
Can you believe that, the company LICENSES the fonts!
I wonder if they LICENSE the English language, too. From what I've seen of some of the Linux phraseology, it's obvious the coders don't speak that
language.
I hate to deal with a dialogue like "ARE YOU SURE TO QUIT?" and "Please wait while we gather the informations".
I also had to chuckle because the default installation of Firefox had the RSS feed for the BBC installed on the toolbar! As if I give a rat's ass about England. What's wrong with CNN?
Oh, but then I should have waited for someone to put together a UBUNT-USA distribution. I actually bet there is a team of French programmers right now that are gathering all the "informations" for that distribution as we speak!
061130 00:13 by iDRMRSR
Ahhhh, ratz. I spent most of the day UBUNTU-ing.
I finally found something that put a charge in my shorts. There's a windowing system out there called Beryl which actually puts your graphic card to use. Looks like what I imagine Aero on Vista will look like. Semi transparent windows, which wiggle and bend as you move them around, transparent task bars, loads of colors and reflections and animations out the wazoo.
Unfortunately it's BETA code, so like when you maximize a window, it may just turn completely black inside...or scoot up above the top of the screen so you can't grab the title bar and yank it anywhere. However when it's working, it beats the SNOT out of Windows XP and makes OS X look like the ugly sister, from what I've seen of videos of OS X on YouTube.
It's got all the candy colored clown they call the Sandman, all right. Had to slap on quite a few tweaks for my Nvidia graphic card (which is five years old BTW).
SO then I thought I'd impress everybody and prove that I could POST to alt.slack. I installed PAN, the only newsreader I could find which does Yenc and multipart post reading/decoding. Very slick, almost like AGENT and completely FREE.
That is, until I tried to post a PIXTURE. I selected the NEW POST option. NO ATTACHMENT ICON...no way I could find to attach a binary. Sheesh.
I clicked the HELP and it went to some web page for the product, and when I clicked USER MANUAL I got a page ALL TO FUCKING TYPICAL OF LINUX..."We're working on this!". Yup, no manual of any sort. I'm getting used to this now.
Looking for FUN STUFF, I found this program called BLENDER which is a BRYCE clone. The only thing is, the User Interface requires a creature with eight tentacles to simultaneously press three keys at a time whilst engaging left clicks and right clicks AND thrumming the scroll wheel.
I imagine I would require two or three hours on the Krel Educator to figure that one out, but then my mind would be even more fried than it is.
Oh, there are tutorial VIDEOS out there, loads of them, but they download at 4.3K or slower. Apparently they aren't intended to be actually viewed by anybody who didn't write the software. I gave up after trying to download one of them for an hour.
I think I managed to get it to do a rather flat looking render of a cube partly lit on a blue background. Screenshot is on ABS. Gotta be the WORST User Interface I have ever seen!
I haven't got to the point yet where I could live without Windows functionality, though I do regret not having a windowing system like Beryl. I was kind of hoping I would SEE THE LIGHT, but thanks to UBUNTU, I have only been able to pull the wool over my own eyes.
Vista, I'm ready for you.
061130 23:32 by iDRMRSR
Including what I could get of the Beryl Window system to work. Now normally it gives you a six-face cube for a desktop, which you can rotate, but I never got it to do anything consistent for me.
Still, I could browse the web, download from ALT.BINARIES.SLACK, play MP3 and MOV files, logon, logoff, and empty the trash successfully. Which is about all the average SubG ever needs to do besides pee and whank and drop stool, all of which are better done offline anyhow.
So what am I complaining about, the price was right, all FREE FREE FREE. And compared to Windows, which has been very good to me, Linux is worth EVERYTHING I PAID FOR IT. With Windows, at least I could POST my own binaries, play MIDI files, and use my webcam. Well, by the time my PRIME system here becomes the old shoe, in that glorious future perhaps UBUNTU will be sufficiently well developed to satisfy me completely, and I can slap a Linux on it before I turn it over to the glue factory.
Viddy this, me droogies:
061202 01:05 by iDRMRSR
I think when I leapt into the UBUNTU fray, I certainly didn't do enough (heh heh) WINDOW shopping before I mindlessly downloaded plain old UBUNTU.
I just installed KDE along with GNOME (which was standard with UBUNTU) and now I am MUCHO happier in most regards. KDE looks just like Windoze, well enough so that I don't feel completely lost. It also plays with BERYL much better. I can flip and rotate my six desktops to my heart's desire.
Which is pretty ironic because, I'm ONE sole person here. What in "Bob"s sweet name would I need SIX desktops for? However it's nice to know I could have them if I wanted. MIDI playing is quite a bit better, too, for some reason.
The only thing is, KDE is about 50% slower than GNOME. It's pretty obvious the eye and ear candy is stressing the pants off the 1.3 GHZ processor in my old box. I didn't bother to 100% configure everything in it to my liking. I can see that would be rather daunting. So many crappy options, so little time.
How ever I can see now that if I had INITIALLY gone with KDE I would have spent fewer hours in total frustration.
Well, this'll give me something to do to fill my solitary hours with something besides playing SOLITAIRE.
Especially since MySpace seems to have petered out as a source of diversion. Less traffic there than on some of those alt.slack.whatever newsgroups you see from time to time.
061202 20:31 by iDRMRSR
OK guys, I tried all the various tweaks and all I got was SLOWER and SLOWER.
I did manage to get my cached reads up to 1019 MB/S whilst at the same time the buffered reads came in at an astonishing 3.48 MB/S (eg, floppy disk speeds) with some sprinkling of parms.
I even managed to get my system to TOTALLY FREEZE with one invocation which happily I forget now. Gosh, that's becoming a nauseating PATTERN with Linux. Remove one card in the house of cards and it comes SHATTERING DOWN.
The other funny thing is this. Whilst KDE is rilly attractive as an operating environment IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SET THE SCREEN RESOLUTION AND SIZE! KDE simply picks something out of its blue-ish ASS and sets it there.
There IS no way to change this. I require 1280 by 768. GNOME lets me set its brownish ass this way, and all is good. From that point, all the fonts are set at 10 points, all is readable with these old eyes, etc etc etc.
I then switch into KDE and the fonts are like HALF the size I'm used to. This is because I believe the screen resolution is now 1600x900, which is appropriate to the desired aspect ratio BUT WAY TO TINY font wize. Yeah, I could go and set everything to 12 point fonts etc etc but that's a lot of setting in EVERY FRIGGING app I launch....sheesh. And I did a GOOGLE for setting up the KDE desktop size, and all I can do is CONFIRM nobody has a way to do this.
That's Linux for ye. You only get a PARTIALLY baked cake with icing covering only PART of it. Oh, if you manage to graft the GNOME cake with the KDE cake, I suppose you get a whole VIRTUAL cake that's to your liking but...
OH IS THIS FRUSTRATING.
Still I've got nothing to do with my life besides this so I might as well see how many more egregious things I can do to this old system in the name of seeing if there's a way to get Linux to work for ME better than Windows ME for example (which is what this box LAST had on it).
PS I don't seem to be able to find a stinking VOLUME control under KDE, which is necessary because Linux, upon booting, seems to want to turn off one channel (l/r) or the other automagically, which is again VERY FRUSTRATING. At least with GNOME I could jiggle the volume control and the missing channel would come back on, but with KDE, I can't even find anything like a volume control.
That's prolly because the volume setting utility is named KQZVVL or something arcane following the usual cutesy poo way of calling things.
ARRRGHHH....
I will report more as I continue to make my blood boil here. And I will TRY not to post HTML from UBUNTU if ever I figure out HOW NOT TO DO THAT. PAN from GNOME was posting in plain text, but from KDE something made it decide that HTML posts were better, and I canna find a knob to turn that option off ANYWHERE. Nor can I find out why PAN runs differently under KDE than GNOME.
Oh my this is like trying to fit your limp dick into a keyhole for pleasure on a cold night. I begin to think Linux is for masochists only.
061203 22:32 by iDRMRSR
Rilly, Linux fans, I almost literally took a chill pill and came down from my high MS Horse. OK, so in this humble MS user's calm and considered opinion, yeah, a modern distribution of Linux is probably a decent replacement for a Windows business desktop box...maybe not XP Media Center, though.
It falls short in the graphics and sound categories. I see I'm not alone here, as Google searches reveal, either. Reasonably, that's because I'm trying to run Ubuntu on a "designed for Windows" box. If I were to swap out my video card and audio card for more well supported models, it'd probably work. Same thing for the webcam.
It falls short in the USENET category, too. There isn't ONE program that I can find which BOTH posts binaries AND unwinds multiple Yenc posts. Still, I could use KNODE to read the text stuff and the non multi part posts, and post binary attachments, and then switch to PAN to download multipart stuff. Which is similar to what I do on Windows, alternating from Outlook Express to Free Agent. Though, I COULD use Free Agent 100% of the time...except personally I hate the quirks in the user interface (scrolling with mouse wheel, won't display attachments like .jpgs INLINE). So I just use it to download LeMur.
I finally did soup up the disk access to something better, though I have no idea if it is OPTIMAL. I'm not going to crack open the HD enclosure and look at the chips inside. But I found a couple of tweaks (like UltraDMA mode 5) which put a charge in its shorts.
It excels in the desktop eye candy department, though. Even without Beryl, which I wish Windows had now that I've seen it. Still, you can't set screen resolution in KDE, so the fonts are always too small by comparison with Windoze, whereas GNOME is spot on all by itself, but duller than KDE in the eye candy department. And BERYL isn't helped by the particular video card that I have there (nVidia).
So then I had this great idea to try out WINE, to see if I could simply launch .EXE files off my Windows Fat32 partition!
I was going to spend an evening doing this when I discovered ... http://us.ubuntu.archive.com IS DOWN TONIGHT! Yup, that's the main UBUNTU software repository. For some reason, I can't reach that site all evening, so I couldn't even attempt to install WINE.
I'll have to make a note to myself to try this all out in another six months or so. It's such a shame, it ALMOST worked for me, but 95% of a pie isn't going to get me to cut away from Windows for daily use.
I'll prolly just fall back to plan A, which was to buy a new box next year with Vista pre-installed, a $400 box which will probably be four times as large as the last Dell I got in 2003. Aha, but then THAT Dell will be the OLD machine, and prolly more than suitable for ANOTHER try at Linux!
From my viewpoint, Bill Gates is sitting pretty with no worries from the Linux camp until he retires. Which won't be that much longer! And then I think they WILL be in trouble. It's ALMOST there, and I'm SO dyed in the wool M$ lover, it almost hurts to admit it.
061207 02:29 by iDRMRSR
1. I actually got my old PC to play a commercial, encrypted DVD, with menus and subtitles, from my Firewire connected external DVD writer! Took a couple shots. The old PC had just USB 1.0 connections, so long ago I threw in a Firewire card. It actually reconized the silly DVD writer the minute I plugged it in. I also managed to get it to play some DIVX files with subtitles. Wooo!!!
2. I then tried to boot my laptop with the Ubuntu Live CD. It actually worked, but wasn't able to get to the wireless network I have floating around here. Kinda hard to download drivers and new applications when you can't even GIT to teh intarwebs! Dunno what I'm gonna do about that. I don't want to repartition and install permanently to the HD if I can't get teh wireless working.
Heh, a lot of the web articles for troubleshooting wireless tell you to go here and there and install wireless managers and drivers, but if you are OFFLINE, t'aint possible. I may have to plug the thing wiredly and do some more hair pulling.
Now I need to find a good Linux video editing package like Windows Movie Maker. Simple and something that doesn't just save in OGG THEORA format.
061222 00:32 by iDRMRSR
Obsessed with a six year old PC and trying to get MIDI and the 3D desktop thing working under UBUNTU.
And I just noticed the time, PAST MIDNIGHT.
Today's (22nd) my birthday. I'm at the Heinz Age (57). That's thrice 19!
Equation even sort of works out BY WEIGHT. If you pick three slightly anorexic 19 y/o's, that is. That's an interesting topology question...could 3 19 y/o's fit into my pants at the same time? I don't think so, which is a paradox because then, where's the rest of the weight.
And old as I am, I'm still SCREWING AROUND WITH THIS SHIT!
I'd rant more but I need to check my MySpace page one more time before I change into my evening truss for bed. May even try and squeeze out a little pee before I go to sleep, instead of after.
061222 15:01 by iDRMRSR
On the OSX front, I've been doing some studying, and here's the torture trail for Windoze folks, the things that will cause US to rip out our hair more than the Linux command prompt:
1. Copy a folder to a folder with the same name elsewhere. OSX destroys the old folder (instead of merging the files). INSTANT coronary for a Windows user.
2. Closing windows does not stop the application. Slow death for a Windoze user.
3. Dragging a file to a blank CDR to back it up just puts a LINK to the file on the CD. Like Polonium 210 for us Windoze folks.
4. Cannot MAXIMIZE a window. WTF?
5. Many applications open SEVERAL small windows at once. WTF?
6. Only one FINDER open at a time. Kill me now, before I buy a Mac Mini.
7. CTRL DRAG to actually copy a file's contents. AIEEEEE.
8. Hidden .DS_store files splattered all over your disk.
No thanks.
BTW, I took Leonard's advice and tried this distro:
http://www.slax.org
The LiveCD actually ALMOST WORKED on my laptop. I could get the wireless card to connect. Sort of. Still can't reach the internet, but there's still time THIS YEAR to solve that problem.
It's a cute and FAST distro with KDE. Looks rilly nice, like the girls in those Russian mailorder bride pix, but once you get it home...arrrrggghhhh...
061223 00:06 by iDRMRSR
So close. Golly this live CD boots up REAL FAST somehow with a KDE desktop. On the laptop I tried out, it even mounted the NTFS partitions, including the hidden ones Dell always sticks out there.
Sound, video OK, only problem was ACPI. If you didn't boot with the ACPI=off option, nada, but otherwise it came up almost as fast as a boot from the hard drive.
It's got NDISWRAPPER so I tried to bring up my wireless card. I needed to copy the Windoze drivers files, which were immediately available on the NTFS partitions, plug in the WEP key and ESSID and all that, and eventually I got it CONNECTED.
I set up the default gateway, did this IWCONFIG and that IFCONFIG and this DHCPCD and that ROUTE command for about four hours total and NEVER COULD GET IT ON THE INTERNET. I even ran the same commands, route, netstat, iptables, on my working wired Ubuntu and the laptop. Everything should work but NADA beep. Ubuntu and Slax looked the same, but only UBUNTU could talk to anything.
My wireless router can see the laptop and the laptop DHCP can lease an address. But if I try to ping that same address ZILCH happens, 100% packet loss. Magnificent. Maybe I should try to run everything through the DHCP server on the wireless router.
Actually, it's simply hilarious. It's like the wireless card is operating all on its own as a sentient being, having a chat with the wireless router and otherwise ignoring the rest of what's going on inside the PC. What make is so silly is having to copy something out of \windows\system32\drivers to install on Linux. I love it.
Ah well, maybe in a few days my Sabayon distro Live CD will show up. And I can use the little Slax LiveCD in case I need a canopener if I ever fuxor the Windows install on the laptop. It's a nice snappy tool for something like that.
Looks like I got some toys for Xistlessmas after all.
061224 12:51 by iDRMRSR
I went to the butcher shop yesterday to buy a turkey. I could have paid $0.89 a pound for one, but instead the butcher told me about a new movement in the meat industry, the open source meat initiative. Under this new plan, you could just get a free turkey, or rather, a type of species very close to a real turkey, equal in nutrition and almost exactly the same in every other regard. Rather than raising them on the farm, small hobbyists all over the world raise their own turkey-like birds and exchange them for free with each other, hoping that one day all the inbreeding will produce a species much tastier than the usual mechafarm produced crap.
So I opted for the free turkey! The butcher gave me this carcass with all the dark meat but no white meat.
I asked, "What good is this?". The butcher said, well, most of the FLAVOR of the turkey is in the DARK MEAT. Due to a legal issue with the HunnySuckel corporation, he couldn't just give me a whole turkey. However, he said his brother was in the parking lot out back, and had the white meat in his trunk for all the free turkeys. He explained to me that it was up to me, if I wanted white meat, I could go out to the back and get it. He said a lot of the free turkey people simply content themselves with the dark meat. "The Free Turkey people are believers in CHOICE", he intoned.
But I would not be so content.
So I went out back, and sure enough, there was his brother, and he pulled from the trunk a nice set of breasts and wings, and even gave me a little handy sewing thing so I could sew them back on myself.
I got it home, sewed it back together, and put it into the roaster pan. Unfortunately, the free turkey was too oddly shaped to fit in the pan. So I ended up having to buy a FOIL pan and kind of mashing it into the right shape for my free turkey.
It suddenly occurred to me, I didn't remember exactly how to cook a turkey. So I searched the internet all over and found a nice recipe to cook my free turkey. The recipe went something like this:
1. Slice and serve the meat but not until you have read the full cooking instructions (unless you have done this before and know exactly what you are doing, and realize that some people have no business trying to cook a turkey unless they know avian anatomy and physiology and food science cold like us, in which case they should stick to eating at McDonald's).
2. Before you do that, you must thaw the turkey, unless the turkey is already thawed, but do not skip step 3 below, EXCEPT when the turkey is already cooked. However, if you want it warm, prior to eating, do not do step 1 first! Instead, heat the turkey and then do step 1. THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE! Do we make ourselves CLEAR?
3. Bake the free turkey for 250 * 10^6 microseconds per kilogram at a temperature of 449.816667 kelvin. IMPORTANT: if you pierce the breast with a sharp knife, and the juices are still running pink, the turkey may not be fully cooked and you risk intestinal disease if you eat it at this stage. To prevent this {TODO list - insert additional cooking instructions in next build along with documentation referring to desired final temperature of cooked meat}.
So I got out my slide rule and computed the cooking time, popped the bird in the oven and turned it on. I crossed my fingers and presumed the juices wouldn't run pink and all that. Then I noticed the very strangest thing.
With this open source turkey in the oven, I went to set the oven timer. It's a digital timer on a Westinghouse oven. Every time I set it, it displayed 88:88. I could set the timer OK with the free turkey OUT of the oven, but every time I put it in, the display read 88:88. After a while, I simply decided to use my pocket watch to do the timing.
While the free open source turkey was cooking, I did some more GOOGLING and found out that if I had used a KENMORE oven instead, the timer would set properly. Since the turkey was free, I decided it wasn't such a big problem to do without the little timer, especially since I had this nice little pocket watch around.
After about two hours, the smell of turkey began to fill the room and it was heavenly! I could see through the oven window, the skin was browning and crisping nicely. I could hardly wait until the cooking period was over.
That's when, all of a sudden the light in the oven blew out. I could not see inside at all! Panicking, I reached for my oven mitts and opened up the oven door to peer inside.
I discovered that somehow the free turkey in my oven had completely locked up the oven door latch! I could not get inside the oven. The timer still read 88:88 and I had no idea what was going on inside. Normally, I'd just flip the little safety lever and the door would open, but with the free turkey inside, it was frozen shut.
To get it out, I finally had to break through the glass in the oven door. This is not a simple thing because it's tempered glass. Shards of glass got into the turkey, and I then knew I couldn't eat the thing. It was corrupted totally in the process of finalizing the cooking. The smell of the house was very enticing, I must admit, and the parts of the free turkey that weren't full of broken glass were very nicely browned.
I ended up going to Denny's for a turkey dinner. They're open 24 hours, even on Xistlessmass. That dinner cost me $14 including the tip. It wasn't the best turkey around, but the stuffing was pretty tasty and it filled me up. Even though I kind of resented throwing more of my money at a big corporate food place like that.
The day after Xistlessmas I'm going to go out and buy a new oven door, and see if that butcher has any free, open source FILET MIGNON around, just to give that a try. Maybe if I try a different SPECIES this time, I can find a free food alternative that is ready for my kitchen!
061224 13:28 by iDRMRSR
There's an Apple store near me. This I knew long ago, but I saw an add in the paper that they were open on Xmas day, and were serving a complete turkey dinner with all the trimmings, prepared with the new iCook device they were planning on launching in 2007. How could I resist.
I went into the store and they had moved all the computers to the side and put in a completely white banquet table with about 50 white chairs surrounding it. I took my place and paid the $249 dinner fee, which I thought was excessive, but they promised to take ALL the hassle out of dining for me, so I figured, what the hey.
On the plate in front of my there was the iCook device. It had three things that looked like electrocardiogram electrodes, shiny chrome bullets on the end of a very thin white wire connected to the cigarette sized iCook itself. One wire was about five feet in length.
The "chef" came in, and told us all to insert the outer two electrodes on our tongues, and to swallow the one with the longest cord. I thought that might make me gag, but it's coated with an anesthetic so you can get it down really easy. I swallowed mine with absolutely no problem.
Then this freakish bird like thing was taken out of its cage and fastened to the table with bungee cords. The bird was an albino. The "Chef" then attached some probes to the bird, connecting it with a small mini box which, we were told, was the server for our iCooks.
The bird then extended a proboscis with several attachments on it like a dentist's drill. The first one was a feather remover. It buzzed all over the bird and cleaned off all the feathers, which were sucked up into a ceiling vacuum. Another attachment neatly severed the bird's neck. No blood came out!
One more attachment gutted the iTurkey, and the all white entrails were swiftly removed with another vacuum wand skillfully wielded by the "Chef". The "Chef" then proceeded to stuff the iTurkey with white stuffing.
A thirty-six laser light then shone on the iTurkey from above. In about thirty seconds, the skin was crispy and the smell of turkey filled the room. No need to wait hours for cooking!
The probes on my tongue then started emitting the most heavenly "turkey and stuffing" taste. Nothing was in my mouth, yet it seemed as if I could chew and swallow every virtual morsel. As I and the other diners slurped at the electrodes, the iTurkey in the center shrank in size until it eventually disappeared completely.
The probe down in my stomach had expanded in size dramatically. I had to loosen my belt. The taste generated by the iCook device sated me completely, and my gut felt as if it was a-busting. I then became very drowsy because the tongue probes had begun to simulate alpha waves inside my skull. I felt just as if I had eaten the biggest holiday dinner, and the best, in my whole life!
I must have dozed off about two hours. The other diners and I seemed to arouse at about the same time, all as directed by our iCooks. Indeed, for the money, this was probably the best dining experience I had ever had.
Noting that we all had arisen from our postprandial naps, the Chef told us, that was the end of the meal.
Unless some of us wanted to stay to experience the other new product being launched, the iToilet.
061224 14:56 by iDRMRSR
I went over to WalMart and they had these things stacked up against the wall. There were so many of them, and so many people were buying them. Must be like 95% of the whole human race out buying these turkeys.
I got mine home and took the cover off to start to thaw it. I noticed that this turkey I bought was first frozen in 2001, but that it had a seven year shelf life, so I was well within that timeframe. I would have liked to have a new turkey this Xmas, but I guess M$ must have bought the farm back then and still had a lot of them in the warehouse. Whatever, turkey is turkey, and if it's the same as it's been for several years, wtf.
I got a phone call while it was thawing. I came back to the turkey about 15 minutes later and found out that someone had snuck in my kitchen door, removed a drumstick, and stuffed the cavity with Spam. So I took it back to WalMart and luckily the manager agreed to replace it with a new one, and he also sold me a roasting/thawing pan with a deadbolt lock on it and advised me not to leave it out in the open. Fair enough, this is not the best of neighborhoods sometimes.
I got the thing all thawed out, and with the kitchen door secured, I opened up the roaster thing and added the stuffing. I almost forgot to pull out the little bag of giblets! Many times I had baked turkey in the past and the little plastic bag was still inside, but this year I remembered. I noticed there was a coupon in the bag this time.
It entitled me to a $5 discount on M$ next crop of turkeys, which it said couldn't be made available in time for Xmas this year. Wow, I can put that over with my important papers and have something new next year. While this one has been in the freezer for five years now, it's still quite pink and not at all freezer burnt. But that'll be a novelty to get a fresher one, something to look forward to.
This turkey had one of those pop up thermometer timer things. I jiggered it a little to see if it was working, and a little computer chip inside in a squeeky voice told me to cook it at 350 F for twenty minutes a pound, and to poke it when it was browned, and if the juices were clear, it was ready to go. It then told me I should check if it was 165F with a meat thermometer. I went down the street to the hardware store, which was still open, and told the manager I needed a meat thermometer for a M$ turkey. He said, just go pick out any one on the shelf, even the old ones in the back, they're completely compatible. So $3 later I had my thermometer.
I used this generic brand of stuffing and cooked it up and it came out great. Everybody was satisfied and it was turkey as usual, same as last year, same as the year before that. Nothing strange except, you know, for some reason, the closer this bird came to getting cooked, the slower it got at browning. I had to leave it in an extra hour until the juicy pinkness cleared up. Seems like it took longer than last year.
Everybody was so hungry that eventually one of them dug in to get the last piece of stuffing, and would you believe, found a small amount of Spam inside. Must have been stuck in there by someone from the factory. We just threw it out, no problem.
Then later I started cutting up the carcass for midnight sandwiches, cleaning the bones. All of a sudden, the knife clunked up against something right behind the neck. Now, I did remember to remove the giblets this year, what could this be?
Oh, gosh, it was an AOL disk. Lucky, none of the guests knew I had forgot to remove it, and it didn't spoil the flavor or anything. Hey, I might clean it off and try AOL out again this year to see if they've gotten any better these days.
The day after, a couple of us ended up with a mild case of the runs. I guess somebody brought in a virus. Well, with the cold weather and closed quarters, and all these people milling around during the holidays, that's not totally surprising. Took a little Paregoric and I was fit as a fiddle. I felt kinda bad about the virus, but I called the guests the next day and they said, oh, it could have happened to any one of us, it wasn't a big deal, and if that's all that happened was some loose bowels, it certainly can't spoil everybody getting together and communicating and having fun at the holidays.
Can't wait to try out that new crop of turkeys next Xmas!
061228 00:16 by iDRMRSR
While Melinda was doing the laundry, I applied myself to trying out Linux on the other two boxen I have gathering dust here.
One was my newer laptop. I FINALLY found a distro, Linux Mint 2.1 (Bea not Barbara) in which a couple of simple commands got my wifi card working with ONLY THE LIVE CD in the thing! I also found a hunk of software out there somewhere that restored the functionality of my touchpad, so I could scroll by dragging my finger around it as if it were a nipple.
I never "did it" (that is, installed Linux) on a laptop before. I washed real good afterward, and nobody will be the wiser because I just used the Live CD, so there's like no trace of what I did around.
Then I got this 550MHZ P-III box in a closet. It has a WHOPPING 20GB hard drive and a 3D video card with a whole 16M onboard!!! It even has a ZIP drive (100mb) AND a DVD read only drive! Perfect vintage, I supposed, to run Linux on.
Took forever to slap Ubuntu on it, however. But it runs. Just barely. I thought it might be a little peppier than it was with just Windows ME on it (remember that turkey). You can really, really tell it's sluggish compared to a more modern machine. I was lucky to find it was new enough for the BIOS to boot from a CD.
I may screw around with it a little more and then I think it's going to go back in the closet.
Enough of that stuff for today. I'm going to think about sticking toothpicks in Kirstie for the rest of the evening and see what's playing on Eyelid Theater.
This shimmering edifice in cyberspace just happens to be my first ministry!
Currently more active is this Google Groups congregation.
And here's the location on SoundCloud where we put some music.
All designed as a brief break from the trollwaves of alt.slack.
The Main Site, or "SubSite."
Kern's Holler Journal, brought to you by Tater Gumfries.
Deceased!: The High Weirdness Project, Modemac's wiki.
Rev. Chain Smerker, in Australia, which is why all the religious hand gestures are reversed. Or at least, I think that's why.
As swiped wholesale from the archive.org copy of the High Weirdness Project pages. Much of this is obsolete.
----
As of August 14th, 2007, custody of Reverend Magdalen's son has been awarded to her, pending the outcome of an upcoming felony hearing (drunk driving) for the boy's father. (He was subsequently sentenced to eight months incarceration, but was released after serving only one month.) Please see the latest news at the bottom of this page.
| After custody was initially awarded to the father on July 6th, 2007, a month of wild, chaotic, unexpected developments unfolded. See: Reverend Magdalen Part 2
After things had settled down throughout the summer of 2008, the ashes were stirred once again in August of 2008. See: Reverend Magdalen Part 3 |
|---|
| Artists are invited to Cleveland, Ohio on August 29th, 2008 for the Jocko Dome-o – a DEVO-themed fundraiser for Reverend Magdalen: [1] |
|---|
|
The best media articles on this case: Buffalo Beast: March 29, 2006 – Followup article: April 10, 2006 Court transcripts: Transcript of the February 3, 2006 hearing: Adobe Acrobat document Press release: March 19, 2007: SubGenius Cult Mother Fights For Child Custody |
|---|
The latest news can be found here: Reverend Magdalen Part 2
The story began when Magdalen and her husband, Lord Jesus Christ (a.k.a. Steve Bevilacqua), had a domestic dispute. This is something that happens to many married couples, alas; more importantly, this was their own private business. In fact, it's still their private business, and we wouldn't be hearing about it at all, if something else hadn't happened to cause this case to be exposed to public view.
Magdalen's ex-boyfriend used her domestic dispute as an excuse to file for sole custody of their son. The boy (whose name is being kept private) had been living with her for his entire life; however, after filing a request in Orleans County Court, custody was transferred to him. Magdalen herself has posted copies of the custody filing documents on her blog, at rbevilacqua.blogspot.com (scroll down about two-thirds of the way down the page to see them). But even so, this is still a personal affair and none of our business.
What is our business is what happened after Magdalen contested the custody filing. To counter the accusations of her ex, she filed affidavits that offered a different view of the situation in question (you can read these documents at our page of Magdalen Affidavits). However, the fun really started when her ex used photos of her at our sacred X-Day gathering in an attempt to prove she was an "unfit mother" and unable to care for her own son. The story of what happened next has already become legendary. Magdalen describes it in her own words:
When word of this made it out onto the Net, people went ballistic. After learning of this via the Bulldada Newsblog, the webmaster of Bartholomew's Notes on Religion wrote a piece on it for his own blog. From there it made its way into Boing Boing – and that's when the word spread far and wide.
Since the news broke, people have been asking Magdalen to post the actual transcripts of the court proceedings, so that they can read Judge Punch's words for themselves and verify that she was speaking the truth. The transcripts of the case were to become available by March 6th. However, for the entire week since March 3rd, Magdalen has been absent from the Internet, and she has not been able to make the transcripts available.
The reason for Magdalen's absence (and the lack of the transcripts) became clear as of Thursday, March 9. On that day, I learned that the judge had ordered Magdalen to cease all communication on the Internet regarding her son. This was not a written statement – the judge had verbally ordered her to remain offline, and no written order was available. Magdalen stated that even though the order was verbal, the court considered it to be an official order from the judge, and so she has had to remain offline since then. This has kept her from updating her blog.
However, as of March 15th, Magdalen had obtained legal representation from none other than the law firm of Lipsitz Green Fahringer Roll Salisbury & Cambria, LLP. (This firm includes Larry Flynt and Marilyn Manson among their clients.) Magdalen's legal team is challenging this order. When the order is overturned and she is online again, she will have quite a story to tell.
On March 26th, the court transcript of Reverend Magdalen's testimony on February 3 was made available online. (This transcript included only her testimony in front of Judge Punch; it did not include the statements of her ex-boyfriend. The entire transcript, including this testimony, was made available online about two weeks later.)
(This file does not contain the judge's outburst and final ruling with the alleged "pervert" and "mentally ill" statements, though it does have some interesting parts. The entire transcript, including the complete text of the previous link, is available here: www.box.net/shared/eruimij43v )
On March 27th, it was announced that Judge Punch has recused himself from the case, when Rev. Magdalen's case made TV news (briefly):
From the story:
Please note this does not mean Magdalen has won the case (yet), or that the case has been settled or dismissed. It is being re-assigned to another judge, who will be from a completely different county. Magdalen is hopeful that the new judge will be one who treats the case with less bias and more neutrality, as judges should.
April 7th: The transcript previously made available contained the text of Magdalen's deposition on February 3, 2006. The entire transcript of the proceedings is now available, and can be downloaded in .PDF format from here:
April 20: On April 19th, Magdalen had her appearance in court in front of a new judge, with a new legal team. We were hoping things would be wrapped up in that single day. That didn't happen, but there is still good news to be had. She wrote an update to her legal case, which can also be found on the newsgroup alt.slack. Judge Eric R. Adams of Batavia seem to be fair and impartial – which is the best kind of judge to hope for in a case of this sort.
Magdalen's next (and hopefully last) court appearance will take place on June 26th (re-scheduled from June 12).
June 28th: The custody trial has taken three days (Friday through Tuesday), and Magdalen is exhausted. Still, despite its length, there is very little to report. There have allegedly been no hysterics, no bombshells, nothing unexpected, and nothing stupid to report. Apparently the trial has gone by the book and proceeded in an orderly fashion. This is being taken by Magdalen's friends as a good sign. Rev. Nickie Deathchick confirmed this lack of events in a message posted to alt.slack: "I have been in contact with Magdalen and Steve this week. Indeed, nothing terribly important to report. But there may be some very, very, very interesting transcripts available sometime in the future."
| Update, July 5th, 2006:
Reverend Magdalen's new custody hearing had originally been scheduled for June 12th, but it was postponed until June 23rd. What was originally planned as a two-day hearing was extended to five, and it's still not over at this time. The case is scheduled to continue on July 20th. The good news is that Magdalen's legal team has been earning their fees. Judge Adams appears to have more of a sense of humor than Judge Punch did, as he has been accepting the humor in such statements as "No, this is NO joke, NO parody" (from page 13 of the Book of the SubGenius). The bad news is this: because her ex-boyfriend's lawyer is a personal friend, he is receiving his legal assistance for free. This means that they are free to use every delaying and stalling tactic in the book to extend this trial as long as possible, so as to run up massive legal costs for Magdalen. Magdalen's husband was on the witness stand for three full days of cross-examination, during which the Church of the SubGenius was examined minutely. (Jesus had to assist the court stenographer with the proper spelling of such SubGenius Elder Gods as NHGH and G'Broagfran.) These Scientology-like tactics have succeeded in bringing Magdalen's legal costs to exceed $50,000. Reading between the lines, we can only assume that the opposition is acting out of desperation. Their insistance on using the Church of the SubGenius in the trial – again, after doing the same thing five months ago – suggests they have nothing else to work on, so they are once again trying to bring up the argument of an evil, Satanic sex cult. Meanwhile, X-Day took place during the week of June 28th through July 5th. Aside from the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses failing to show up once again, this was one of the most enjoyable, exciting, and Slackful X-Days of all. (A number of events were held especially to honor Judge Punch, and we are waiting to see if photos of these events end up in the court case.) Unfortunately, Jesus (Steve) was unable to attend X-Day due to his business commitments – this trial has put such a strain on him, he actually had to work on the Fourth of July. His presence at Brushwood was sorely missed, because if there's anyone who deserves rest, relaxation, and Slack in this affair, it's him. As before, transcripts and other documents will be made available online as soon as possible. Until then, I ask you to read the documents currently available, and to accept my word that I am presenting this as truthfully as possible. (The court is not allowed to release transcripts until the legal proceedings have finished. Due to the time necessary to transcribe the court documents, transcripts may not be available until around September.) IMPORTANT: The brave and hardy administrators of Taphouse IRC (the official IRC network of the Church of the SubGenius) have begun a fundraiser for Magdalen's legal fund, by producing T-shirts with a goat head logo and the quote "Why a goat?" (as was repeated by the original judge in this case). These shirts are being sold for $20, of which $8.10 of every sale will go directly to her legal fund. All help is appreciated, and every little bit helps. The URL for the fund-raiser is: (At X-Day, a special T-shirt autographed by Magdalen was auctioned off for $120, with the entire amount going to her legal fund. This shirt was purchased by none other than Pat "The Man" Volkerding, the man responsible for Slackware!) Up-to-the-minute updates can be found on the IRC channel #subgenius and the newsgroup alt.slack. |
|---|
July 23: Magdalen states, "Court ran out of time again, and we are adjourned until August 11, and then again for August 23." In regards to the case being repeatedly dragged on: "…there's nothing you can do about that, that's a regular-type lawyering strategy."
August 3: Rev. Ivan Stang posts a bulletin to alt.slack noting that Magdalen must provide $10,000 immediately to support her legal costs: [9]
September 19: There has been little development over the past month: the opposition has repeatedly called for delays and postponements, with little actual progress being made. Magdalen writes today: "Basically, court is supposed to finish this Friday (September 22). We go Wednesday afternoon and all day Friday, and then we're supposed to finish." We can only hope this is the final end to the court proceedings. If this is so, then it will be at least another two weeks before Judge Adams publishes a ruling.
November 30: Apparently the definition of "two weeks" used in the American legal system is really "two months, or however long we decide to make it." For those who are still following this case: Magdalen is still awaiting the final decision from Judge Adams regarding the custody case of her son. The only news reported has been that the opposition is still attempting delaying tactics, and everyone is simply waiting for the final decision. Magdalen is still in New York, waiting for the outcome of the case – which has now lasted nearly an entire year.
On the plus side, a new published article about the case appeared in the Batavia, NY Journal-Register on November 30: [10]
January 6, 2007: Reverend Magdalen announced today that she has received a call from her lawyer stating the custody battle has been won. She will rejoin her son on Monday, January 8, 2007. The official judge's decision will be made public then.
Magdalen writes in email: "Well, at only one month late, the decision is finally rendered, and I won! I haven't actually gotten the paper yet, but my lawyer has it and he read me the highlights over the phone."
Boing Boing reported the news story on Thursday night, January 11th ([12]). By the next day, the blogs had picked up the good news. Unfortunately, just as word was spreading about Magdalen's victory, an unexpected turn of events took place.
January 12, 2007: As is often the case in these situations, a last-minute emergency has arisen. Reverend Magdalen writes:
"I went to pick [my son] from school yesterday. I wrote and telephoned the principal, Mr. Matt Penrod ( Mpenrod@lyndonville.wnyric.org ), emailing him a copy of Judge Adams’ Court Order giving me residential custody, and informing him I was coming to get [my son] and not to let Jeff take him. As I was driving to the school to pick [my son] up, I telephoned to double-check. Mr. Penrod informed me that he had allowed Jeff to take [my son].
"[My son] and Jeff were missing until this morning, when Jeff returned [my son] to school. It was the most frightening night of my life.
"The reason Jeff did all this is that there is a Stay hearing today. It’s just like when the Presidential election happened and Antonin Scalia ordered Florida to stop counting votes. Basically, Jeff has asked an Appeals Court judge to stay the order of Judge Adams, and they are going to decide on that this afternoon. For some reason, Jeff thought that this Stay hearing gave him the right to do what he did, or so he claims. He is wrong, of course, but he still got away with it. The police looked for them all evening and didn’t find them.
"The Stay hearing starts at 3 PM and I’m fighting to have [my son] with me at that time, because I’m afraid that if the stay is denied, Jeff may take off with [my son] again just like last night."
| January 12, 2007 – Magdalen writes:
"I just got the call from my lawyer that the appeals court judge has granted a Stay of the order granting me custody. I never actually got to enjoy that custody during the 30-some hours it was in effect, because the school let Jeff take [my son] and hide him overnight. "The Stay is conditional on the case being heard at the earliest opportunity, which is in May 2007. Until that time, Jeff's order of Temporary Sole Custody issued by Judge Punch on December 23, 2005 in an ex-parte hearing of which I was not informed, remains in effect. "The appeals court judge did order expanded visitation for me, so that it will be the standard every-other-weekend visitation rather than the restricted 8-hours per week I've been living with. "Please let the people know about this, it's really hard when I keep getting all these congratulations in my inbox."
|
|---|
January 13th: Rev. Ivan Stang provides an update for Magdalen: "This last judge decided that although SubGenius isn't a real devil cult, but is 'art,' it is nonetheless the kind of art that will somehow be harmful to a child. (I suppose art like video games or cop shows is harmless compared to, say, a SubGenius book on the top shelf.)" Rev. Stang's complete message to alt.slack can be read here: [13]
Boing Boing published an update on Tuesday, January 16: [14]
The text of Judge Adams' decision on January 5th, 2007, was made available online on January 21st. It can be downloaded at this location:
The text of the Stay order placing this decision on hold has not been made available yet; however, Magdalen's lawyers have stated it will be made available shortly.
The judicial decision includes commentary on the personal life of Magdalen and her husband that, quite frankly, I still believe is none of our business. However, the commentary on the Church of the SubGenius is quite interesting: it suggests that Judge Adams is suspicious of our Church, as he refers to SubGenius writings as "drivel." But, reluctantly, he did not find anything in it that has had an adverse affect on Magdalen's relationship, or on her son.
In a surprising twist, Judge Adams has ordered Magdalen to remove all SubGenius literature, books, pictures, etc. from her home. This, apparently, is in order to protect her son from the awful SubGenius influence – or, more precisely, because the son's father does not want the boy exposed to our evil cult. (However, Magdalen is allowed to set up her own "office" with SubGenius paraphernalia. Although the decision doesn't say this, I suspect the judge would allow it as long as the office is locked.)
March 10: In a new appeal for funding, Rev. Ivan Stang reveals that Magdalen's custody case has cost her and her husband approximately $73,000. Additional funding is needed, because she is now required to hire a new lawyer (though still from the same law firm) to represent her at her upcoming custody hearing – which is now scheduled for June 2. Magdalen is short by $2,000 for the new lawyer's retainer. Rev. Stang's appeal for assistance can be read on the newsgroup alt.slack at this link: [15]
Magdalen writes:
For the second year in a row, the verdict is expected to be made just around the time of X-Day. Coincidence…or conspiracy?
March 12: The pledgie.com donation site has raised over $2,000 for Magdalen's legal fund in under two days! Heartfelt thanks to everyone who donated!
June 8: Magdalen confirms the hearing was moved up to May 21 and did in fact occur on that date. We're now waiting for the verdict, which will be released live in real time online, on June 8 at 3:00 PM, at:
…except that, yet again, the announcement has been delayed. Magdalen writes: "Well, we all waited expectantly for the decision to come out on June 8, but the court decided to "hold it over to the next term", which means they'll be releasing it, supposedly, the Friday two weeks after June 20, which puts it squarely at July 6. They did not inform us ahead of time they were doing this, and in fact it's not really legal, as the law says they have to decide in 30 days. But this does happen from time to time, my lawyer says, and there's nothing we can do. Oh yeah and they might decide NOT to hold it over to the next term but instead release their decision at a random time between now and July 6. So it's like they're saying, have fun checking the website every day to see if maybe today is that random day that probably won't even happen!"
| Update, July 6th, 2007:
After originally being scheduled for June 22, the decision of the appeals court in the case of Reverend Magdalen has been announced. In a brief two-page announcement, the court has awarded custody of her son to the father. Stating that the father "deserved" custody of Magdalen's son, the court declared that the father's home would be his primary residence, and the matter is being referred back to family court to arrange for visitation rights for her. The decision cancels a number of paragraphs of the decision of Judge Eric Adams, in January 2007. However, it does not remove Judge Adams' order for Magdalen to remove all SubGenius materials from her home. Even though her son is no longer in her custody, she still cannot keep any SubGenius materials in her own home, except for a specially designated "office." Upon conferring with her lawyer, Magdalen wrote a brief statement and posted it in her blog: Blog entry for July 14, 2007 The actual .PDF document of the court decision can be seen here: www.courts.state.ny.us/ad4/Court/Decisions/2007/07-06-07/PDF/0753.1.pdf Please remember that this case has cost Magdalen over $70,000, and she is in need of any donations to her legal fund that can be given. If you wish to donate to her legal fund, please click here: |
|---|
| An unexpected development has occurred, and was made public on July 23, 2007. See: Reverend Magdalen Part 2 |
|---|
Up-to-the-minute updates can be found on the IRC channel #subgenius and the newsgroup alt.slack.
IMPORTANT: Because Magdalen has a new legal team, donations to her legal fund are to be sent to a new address. Based upon consultation with her lawyers, the original estimate of the cost of her defense was approximately $20,000 US; however, legal stalling tactics by the opposition have driven this to over $70,000, with more still to come. This number is still in flux. (Because the biological father supposedly has "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome," he has never had to work and is a trailer-court welfare case. His lawyer is a personal friend who is representing him for free.) Paypal donations can still be sent to magdalen@subgenius.com. Checks or other payments can be mailed to the attention of:
A collection of icons and vanity graphics, probably only of use to me. Lots of sites I participate in let users define icons for themselves, and now I have an easy-to-find (for me) central place to store 'em.
Click on thumbnail to see graphic in its full glory.
jj200
jj25
jj70
jjcw100
jjm4bitcol
jjmovie-2
jjmovie-2a
jjowhite2
JJSPACE2
jjwhite1
j225x150
j270x180
jj1024